


These floral espadrilles

by Typosmyown



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bullying, M/M, Massive typos!, Parent character death, Pedophilia, Triggers, bottom!Louis, non-con/rape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 16:41:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 28
Words: 65,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1786090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Typosmyown/pseuds/Typosmyown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a prompt fill for http://bottomlouisprompts.tumblr.com/post/85746903247/louis-getting-rimmed-while-wearing-pretty-floral-vans</p><p>Harry thinks this boy who loves flowery shoes lives a secret lie, betraying Harry's expectations of right and wrong. That boy becomes his favorite thing to see bullied and Harry convinces himself that the bullying is the right thing. Harry discovers he is wrong about everything except the shoes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Harry Styles came home early hoping to be the first back from school. He wanted to leave a surprise on the door step. As he planned, there was no one home. Not his father, not his four younger step-sisters and not, most importantly, not his step-brother Louis. 

Harry stopped to sit on the steps of their front porch to sort some items he carried from a boutique shopping spree. He set down a shoe box and removed the floral Vans from the box to inspect them again. They were perfect. 

After he removed the shoes from their ordinary box, he took the gift bag with shimmering scrolled lettering and carefully opened the pretty aqua blue bag. He lifted the tissue wrapped contents with delicate care not wanting to tear the paper. Taking some of the tissue parer to wrap the floral vans he put the shoes in the bottom of the boutique bag. Before he returned the other tissue wrapped item to the bag he slid the item out of the tissue to look at it once again.

Harry had to skip an entire day of school and take two buses to get to the upscale boutique to find what he was looking for. But it was worth it. The thigh high socks were nearly shear, the color something between pink and peach. They were silk, soft and very expensive. He smiled at the way the way the women at the boutique fused over his taste, emphasizing how lucky his girlfriend was to have someone who could afford such a nice gift. 

Harry carefully slid the socks back in between the layers of tissue without ripping the thin paper which was still sealed with shimmering sticker bearing the boutique's name. Then he put the tissue wrapped silk stockings in the bag on top of the shoes. The gift was complete. 

Harry smiled. Would Louis react differently with this gift? 

For almost two years Louis had been coming home to "gifts" on the doorstep. Never before were they really "for Louis". No. Definitely not.

The lace panties that were always the gift in waiting were from Harry's father...Louis' step father. They were never a gift desired. It was a twisted fate that made Louis choose to wear them; a secret pack between Louis and Mr. Styles which Harry never realized, never suspected, never could fathom. All the while Harry had been hating Louis. He incited bullying at their school of the step-brother he loathed. 

Despite himself, despite the hatred, Harry had also been falling more and more in love with his step-brother. This their story. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry introduces the new kid at school to the cool boys' favorite victim to bully. He neglects to tell Niall that the victim, Louis, is his step brother.

Lunch was just ending at the large school. Harry was happy about the company of new lad from Ireland who had become his best mate so easily in the two weeks since his family moved to town. Niall was easy to like. Harry and Niall made their way into the hall to head to classes. The large city school was finally just beginning to feel more normal to Niall and not so completely overwhelmingly big. He no longer got lost and finally recognized most of his classmates. Harry caught sight of Zayn, a student two years their senior waving to them from afar and wanted Niall to meet Zayn. Though they had gone separate ways in their advanced years, as youngsters Zayn and Harry had been extremely close. 

Harry and Niall were making their way to Zayn when their attention was distracted. Harry looked and it was Liam and his mates having some fun with another student their year. Harry and Niall stopped and watched as Zayn made his way over to them. 

A band of three jocks led by Liam tossed a small lad into the wall outside the cafeteria. Per usual, no teachers we in sight when this happened. What incited the incident this time? The usual? Harry narrated the near daily occurrence. He thought it would be an amusement for his new friend, a chance to impress. Harry had not yet gathered that Niall's orientation was negotiable and Harry was a jock, popular with the ladies. He assumed Niall to the same. 

Liam cupped the small lad's face in his hand as his two friends pinned their target to the wall. Liam growled. "Didn't I tell you not to touch your lunch until I've decided if I've had my fill from your's first, hum?" 

Liam shoved a hand into a pocket of the pinned lad's pants and pulled out a roll wrapped inside a napkin. The small roll was compressed from being in the sinfully tight pocket. Insignificant nourishment or not, Liam was angry about it and taunted the lad more. 

"Open your mouth." Liam demanded as he gripped the smaller lad's chin more forcefully. Liam had spat on the crumbled roll and demanded access to feed this to his prey. The small, pinned lad refused to yield. As the bullying continued Harry explained the pattern to Niall. 

"The little freak, Tomlinson, is Liam's favorite target. Been this way for years, ever since a party where all us kids were drinking. Tomlinson's affection for Liam was revealed by this guy Tomlinson was getting fucked by regularly. The guy was moving away. He wanted Liam to know a fabulous arse was Liam's for pounding. Liam denied any interest in the offer but to make matters worse the next week it was discovered that Tomlinson is usually wearing girl's panties under those tight pants of his." Harry shared. 

Niall's eyebrows were raised with surprise. When he looked at Zayn for conformation, Zayn was nodding that it was true, but he was not sharing the amused expression that Harry bore. Harry continued on while a few feet away Liam and his two mates also continued with their unfettered, forceful taunting. 

"And s'its not just any girly panties...he tends to wear lacy, silky ones, thongs even." Harry just had to add be-smirkingly. 

It was then that the bullies frustrated with Louis resilience redirected their actions. Harry stopped his narration and encouraged the three as they drug the small lad past where Harry, Zayn and Niall stood and took him into a nearby bathroom. 

Niall shook his head feeling terribly confused. He wanted to say what's the problem with a person admitting who they like, having a crush, same sex, or not. Liking someone is not an offense. Hate is the offense. Understanding the potential shift for the level of abuse, Niall inquired, "Do you think we should maybe do something? This looks really serious now, 'nt it" Before he could say more Harry was pulling him by his shoulder and suggesting they watch. 

"Yeah, let's do something. Come on, Niall, let's take a look shall we? This will be good exposure for you." 

Harry's intonation of the word "exposure" was with purposeful emphasis. Zayn was shifting uncomfortably at the word and seemed as reluctant as Niall to go along. 

They passed through the door to the bathroom where Niall was greeted with a sight of what must have been immediately put into action the instant the four boys were out of view from the public hall. 

On his knees before Liam was this Tomlinson. His pants were unfastened and pulled lower. It was just enough to reveal that yes, indeed, he was wearing girls panties. Tomlinson had a truly spectacular bum. It was very girly, full and his skin was tan and flawlessly smooth. The panties were not just any panties. They were periwinkle lace thong panties. The strap going between his cheeks was barely more than a string. The elastic lace that ran around the back was itself just wide enough for the strap to connect into and peppered with silver dots. 

Liam's pants were open and down slightly too, just enought so he could extract his cock which was quite large and nearly fully erect. Heavy with its size he held it with one hand in front of Tomlinson. 

Liam's two mates had their hands on the kneeling lad. Much of the time they were stabilizing him, but as the opportunity would allow them, Josh and Sandy, as Niall came to learn, would take the opportunity to run a hand over the curve of Tomlinson's exposed arse cheeks. Each was requesting permission to slap and licking their lips like desire consumed them with need to have this permission granted. 

Niall was shocked. He felt Harry and Zayn thread their arms through his. This was the indoctrination into the cool kids club, that was for certain. Although maybe Zayn's grasp felt a little less like a "stay-and-watch-hold" and more like a "wanna-get-out-of-here-pull", Harry's grip was tight. No one was leaving. Liam commanded the room. All eyes were on his actions. Niall felt nausea and a bit of his lunch coming up, yet he was powerless to look away. 

Prone before Liam, the lad Tomlinson was clearly "defiant" by Liam's view. Niall could tell that even though the kneeling lad was mostly facing away from them. The lad was also aware that more students had entered the bathroom. He pulled against the three boys, not to look, but simply to make this not easy. It was clear this had happened before and to emphasize that point Harry stated that for Niall's education. 

It took numerous slaps from Josh and Sandy, hair pulling by Liam, but Louis was breaking. His whimpers became more high pitched, pained and his body seemed melting, giving up the fight. Liam became softer in his words. 

"Louis, princess, look at you. See what you've done? Always so sad to see that perfect smooth golden skin shaded red from persuasion. Why the fight today baby? We all know you asked for my cock, hum?" 

Liam seemed to like brushing a thumb across Tomlinson's cheekbones as he made his ask again signaling his friends to cease the bruising of exposed skin. "Come on princess, take my cock. We can't be late for classes, can we?" 

Liam was able to slide his head then much of his shaft into Louis mouth. Josh and Sandy were supporting Louis greatly as Liam began his trusting into Louis' pliant mouth. Clearly the fight was out of Louis. Liam's words continued to be soft, gentle, even kind. He no longer chided Louis with taunts, "So good, such a good princess...suck me perfect every time...so pretty, always so pretty..." 

The room became quiet except for noises from Louis slurping and sucking. Liam was biting his lips trying to fight that edge between getting to cum and wanting to stave off a bit longer. His face was flushed red and he gasped back a moan as he orgasmed shooting his cum deep in Louis mouth. He found his words again and mumbled a praise, "Swallow every drop, baby, so good the way you suck my cock, never spill a drop for daddy." 

With the word "daddy", Niall saw Louis jerk his head back. Liam's gaze flashed a more stern again at the movement. Maybe he wanted Louis to wait till he pulled out, so Niall looked at Harry. That's when Niall saw yet another strange expression on the other boy's face.

Harry eyes were brimming with tears. Tears that weren't falling. The kind of tears that a boy likes to pretend comes from dust or bright light.

Liam focused a renewed glare at Louis with the sudden move. He reached down to take a hold of the thin periwinkle string that ran between Louis' arse cheek. Liam then pulled the dainty piece with a forceful snap completely jerking it out from within Louis' pants. As he pulled, Louis yelped likely from a painful burn of the fabric as it ripped across his skin. Despite this extra violation he tried to grab Liam's hand to retain the torn, stolen item.

Liam inspected his periwinkle prize with obvious pleasure. He smirked at Louis' pleas for it's return unaffected. Tucking himself away Liam said "Next time remember your manners Princess and maybe I'll let you keep your pretty little things." Liam nodded and the other two boys released Louis. The six of them heard the sound of the bell indicating classes were resuming and they filed out of the bathroom. Liam was shoving the tiny prize into his own pocket. It was clearly a treasure to keep. 

The show was over. Harry snapped back to his normal narrative. Tears absorbed. 

"So Niall this is how Louis Tomlinson, class geek, gets "reset" by Liam Payne, class jock. Niall looked back as he was moved with the exiting of others through the door to back into the hallway. 

He saw Louis left alone, nearly unable to make it to the sink, too abused, too traumatized to unsteady on his shaky legs. Niall was certain Louis needed to flush his mouth of the remains, maybe tend to rope like burns on tender areas. It broke Niall's heart to think about what Louis must have felt being so violated. All for eating, or trying to eat, a few crumbs of his own lunch. 

***

It was a later class of the day when Niall saw Louis again. It was creative writing, an elective course, so students of different years were enrolled in the class. 

Niall was sitting near Harry when Louis came in to the room with his head down taking a seat discreetly. Niall tried not to look at him. As curious as he was, concerned actually, he wondered if the burns made it hard to sit. Niall resisted being obvious and kept to himself. Harry made no restraint in looking back at Louis and took advantage of students walking pass busy in conversations to make some obscene gestures at Louis. 

The last few students arrived followed by a substitute teacher. She closed the classroom door and began the process of sorting the students out. She was alphabetically reseating students in turn to make the substitute teaching simpler.

Niall was shocked when the names of two students were called in succession, "...Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson Styles..." 

In Niall's mind the confusion over the names was debilitating. What the bloody hell?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The backstory of how the Styles family and the Tomlinson family merged and the changes that shaped who Harry and Louis would become.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Child abandonment, minor chapter death underage sex between minors are elements of this chapter.

Harry was five when he moved to a new town with his family. Never one for much of any interest in sports Harry was unfocused, sloppy in his efforts and generally miserable on the first day of football in the new community.

As a result of his lack of focus in his first time out on the pitch Harry was flattened by a ball that hit him squarely between the eyes. He laid in the grass staring up having no clue how he got to where he was when his eyes met those of another lad who came to be nearly sitting ontopof Harry inspecting him with curious amusement for his predicament. The child peering down at Harry had a pixie expression, full of mischief and spunk. It was one that Harry, even as a young boy, was lost in immediately. A playful friendly smile. 

This is how Harry and Louis met. Harry was flatten and breathless; Louis was the sunshine and smiles that lifted Harry's heart. 

The boy who came to Harry's side when he had no other friend was the opposite of Harry in many ways and yet starting on this very first day of football the two became quick friends. As young boys Harry was the shy and quiet type. Louis was outgoing and loud. Harry was slow to make friends and adjust to changes. Louis thrived on meeting new people and jumped into new challenges. Although they were different, they quickly bonded seeming sometimes to come together and act as one. 

The friendship of the boys brought their mothers together as well. In time it seemed that Anne Styles and Jay Tomlinson were as inseparable as their boys. After Jay gave birth to her twins, Daisy and Phoebe, bringing her child count to five it was more of a struggle in keeping up with their friendship as much as in the beginning. Anne had only one daughter, a girl a year older than Louis. She was more free to get out among other people. United by the friendship of the boys, it was a shock for the Tomlinson's to learn one day that Anne had taken her eldest child and left her husband and younger child with no explanation. 

The strain on Harry with his family fractured was a huge toll. It was then that Harry became more dependent on Louis. In time it seemed things were better for Harry and his father because and Jay and her husband Mark took them under their wing. The two families merged. The fathers greatly enjoyed going to football with their inseparable sons. For Harry things seemed okay. 

It was not long after a routine emerged in this patchwork group that a second shock, this time the premature unexpected death of Mark Tomlinson struck Jay and her children. This left Louis to be the man of his house. He was still a child. Now he and Harry had something in common, both were missing a parent. 

The night after Mark Tomlinson's body was put to rest Harry and Louis were alone in a dark bedroom of the Tomlinson house. This sleepover play time had become common long before Marks death. Usually for Harry's benefit. This time it was a much needed treat for Louis who was prettinding to be strong for his family. Harry had become more quiet and more shy immediately after his mum left; that was his personality. Louis was staying true to his; pretending he was confident and strong. 

As per usual for a sleepover the boys had fashioned a homemade tee-pee from blankets and were seated on the floor of a dark room in their structure illuminated with a flashlight. On these occasions the boys often sat in silence reading or drawing. More an more as Harry became better skilled with his gramar Harry would write in a leather bound journal. It was gift from his mother, one Harry was too young to appreciate when she first gave it to him, but one he treasured in her absence because he could write his secret thoughts. He thought about it and wondered about Louis. Did he have secret thoughts? 

Seated near Harry, Louis was drawling stick figure cartoons. It was a curious choice for a boy who just lost his father but Harry at a young age already understood Louis had a unusual way of dealing with strife. So they sat in silence for awhile. 

Eventually Harry came to think about the death. Then about missing his mum. And so that was how he came to ask Louis a question. 

"Louis?" 

"Um?" 

"Louis...if, um, if..." 

Harry struggled for the words then gave up. Louis feeling it was an important question. He closed his pad and took Harry's hands and pressed the younger lad to go on. The expression on Louis face was one Harry had seen thousands of times. Starting the day that they met on the pitch, Louis and his expression of curious interest. Even with a big loss, Louis exuded sunshine. 

"Um, do you have something, I mean, some, well like a thing that is special that is just between you and your mum? Like something nobody knows? Something you can think of, like when she's not around, maybe if you...need to feel..." 

Harry trailed off. He really became so self conscious that he couldn't finish his thought for the embarrassment that overwhelmed him. Louis saw the blush on his cheeks and smiled. 

"Yes, Harry. I do. But it's probably not like you mean, like you're asking." 

Harry asked Louis to go on. 

"You'll probably laugh" Louis said, "but when I was really, really little and mum was pregnant with Lottie. She complained all the time because her feet hurt. This one day we were shopping for the baby things and she stopped to look at these shoes. They were pretty, those kind of really spiky shoes." 

Harry nodded his understanding and Louis continued. 

"My mum looked at those shoes as if they were, they were, everything. I asked her if she liked them and she put them down and said, "no", they were too painfull. No one could wear them. I don't remember what else she said but I knew she liked the shoes. They made her feel something. So I told her that someday I would grow up and become a shoe maker. The best shoe maker! And I, Louis Tomlinson, would make pretty shoes that made her happy and she could wear them because would not be painful." 

"That's it?" Harry asked surprised and not really feeling the significance. 

Well, yeah." Louis said with a dismissive sarcasm to his voice that was no where near appropriate for a child so young. 

After a few minutes of silence Harry snuggled tighter against Louis and offered, "Okay." 

*** 

On February 1st, the year of Harry's tenth birthday Tomlinsons and Styles were gathered, Jay, Des, Louis, Harry, Lottie, Fizzy, Phobe and Daisy, for a special dinner and cake to celebrate one of theirs advancing another year. With the loss of Mark, the pain of Anne's abandonment these "family" gatherings became more important. With their spouses gone the two parents took a natural course and became closer. So the announcement was made. Jay and Des would be married in a informal, small ceremony. The six children were elated. 

*** 

It had been two months since the boys had become brothers. The "Styles brothers" had been much more close than any brothers even long before that official reclassification. Things seemed so much easier for the families; two parents and all of them in one house. On this day Louis was waiting for Harry after school where they met up to walk home from football. Both had been playing for years but they were at the age where they were placed on teams by skill which meant they no longer played together. Louis was determined, aggressive and somewhat obsessed for the sport. Harry...well Harry was particularly awful. At least that's how the coach described him privately to Des as cautiously and sensitively as possible as Louis advanced but Harry did not.

Harry secretly wanted to give up the game. He'd rather go home and play with his sisters, make flower crowns, bake cookies, anything other than football. But he made himself go because his father wanted him to play a team sport and because no matter how bad he was Louis always had some nice thing to say to him on their walk home from playing. The change of teams made it hard for them to get to see each to the play, with being in different levels, but Louis was fiercely protective of Harry and always kept an eye out for him. 

Harry finished his practice a few minutes later than Louis on this day. He made his way over to where he saw Louis sitting doodling in his sketch pad. Harry noticed that some of Louis mates were hanging around with him. It made Harry feel special to be the brother of someone so popular. 

Louis was the youngest of his team. His skills lead to the grouping going that way for him. Harry approached the older boys and noted how some of them seemed competing almost among themselves for Louis' attention. Louis was drawling, pretending to ignore the boys only occasionally bantering with them. They clearly strived for the favor of his undivided focus. For the first time, puberty still a year or two away, Harry got an idea of something. Some of these boys acted a bit silly over Louis. Like he'd seen them act about girls of their age. Some of these boys were well into their fourteenth year. Harry was just ten. 

As they walked home together Harry was quiet. He waited until the last of Louis' teammates pealed off to go to his own home before he spoke. Harry was embolden by the way the other boy, who was a full two years older than Louis and a good deal bigger, bulkier, masculine...even manly, had continued to fond over Louis until the very last second. 

"Louis?" 

Louis smiled warmly at Harry and threaded his arm around his brother pulling him close as they walked which was typical of them on these few minutes each day that they had alone together when they walked home. Louis hummed an "um, hum" welcoming Harry's question. 

"Louis, do you know that you are very pretty...to boys. I mean boys like you a lot." 

Louis laughed at Harry as he spoke the reply, "Whaaa, what ever are you talking about Harry?" 

"They like you Louis. Those boys, the ones that touch you all the time. They smile at you like your ice cream. And they act stupid for you. They like you like you are a girl or something." 

Louis laughed again and pulled Harry closer. They kept walking. Louis seemed to be weighing his reply, aware that his brother was not quite at the age to understand some of the changes Louis had already been experiencing. Harry was very much a child still. Louis didn't want him to lose that. 

"It's okay Harry. I like that they like me. It doesn't make me a girl." 

He gave Harry a minute to absorb the meaning of the statement. Then he continued. "It's okay because I might be different. Different than most boys, Harry." 

Harry looked puzzled. Louis took a new approach to explaining still keeping the context simple, free of references to urges or mature things. Harry was too young. 

"Harry it's like how you are different from each other. You like to bake, I like football. You like to write in your journal and I like to drawl pictures of shoes with little flowers on them. We're different, you and I. And that's okay. I might like the attention of boys more than the attention of girls. You might be different than me, more like most boys. It will happen naturally, who you are. Just don't pretend, not with me. I'm not going to pretend with you, yeah?" 

Harry felt warmed by the explanation. Louis was so loving and easy to understand. It was still confusing because boys become men. Girls become women. Men and women have babies. Ick. Babies come from girls. Okay that was freaky to even think about. Harry changed the subject. All he cared about was that Louis knew how those boys looked at him. Harry might be younger, but he wanted to protect his brother, his best friend. 

They reached home at their typical time and the boys were surprised that their father's car was in the drive. It was early for him to be home from work. Usually they'd get home and their mum was with the girls, it was a few hours to play, watch some TV, do chores, school work and Des would get home at dinner time. This was very unusual indeed. 

The boys went inside to discover that the four girls were all there huddled in Des' arms. Tears had wetted their shirts their faces were red from what must have been massive sobbing. Des was much the same. 

He looked at the boys and said softly, "Louis, Harry, your mum went to the store to just get a bit of bread to go with the dinner she planned. She was rushing because they girls were home alone. She...she was in a fatal accident." 

*** 

Two years after the fatal accident the Styles family had fallen into a pattern. Jays four daughters were young to loose their mother, especially the twins. After the initial shock a method of coping began that required changes for Louis again, much like when Mark passed away. Once again Louis was the man of the house, or more like the mum of the house. So while Harry was able to continue with things like football after school, Louis had to go home directly each day. The twins were always in day care while Des was at work, but because Lottie and Fizzy were too young to be home alone, Louis opted to forego his beloved sport to be with his sisters. Initially this had started by necessity, but in time it just became the routine. 

Harry continued to have a lack-luster interest in the sport of football. He thought he'd much rather be at home baking cupcakes. Or something. If he had to admit he probably only played for the attention he got since most days Louis would bring their sisters to the pitch to watch and cheer. On the days that Louis couldn't come it would bother Harry to play if it was coincidentally a day that the boys on the older team, the team Louis used to be with, were off as well. This bothersome thing grew to vapid annoyance. 

This annoyance at being separate from Louis was because as Harry reached twelve, and Louis fourteen, Harry had come to understand more deeply how Louis was different. As Harry's body began impercievable changes, his emotions altered too. The thing hat affected his emotions most was Louis. More than once Harry had come home from football to find the girls were busy watching TV and Louis was up in his room. He was not alone. 

The first time Harry walked into Louis' room and completely surprised Louis and another boy they were kissing. Or so he thought. The two sprung apart and made comments about everything and anything in that way one does when one is caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar. The problem was Harry knew that Louis was the cookie...or the ice cream... Harry always remembered the first time he noticed the way a few of boys seemed fascinated, unusually fascinated, by Louis. 

In time Harry came to understand that as their bodies kept changing, so did their relationships. Nothing was the same. 

Some boys from Louis' former team, usually those on the older end of the team age boundary, came to be more frequent visitors to the Styles house before the hour when Mr. Styles came home. In time they didn't continue to make an effort to come by exclusively when Harry was out playing a game. It just became routine, these boys were suitors. One day it simply became that Louis had a boyfriend. 

*** 

"You don't understand why it's it not your time for this Harry!" Louis was saying emphatically. 

Harry was exasperated. No, more than that. Harry was mad. It was a Friday night and Louis was going out to a party. With friends, boys from his former team. Harry, two years younger was not invited. 

The odd thing was when Louis made the statement, "you don't understand why it's not your time for this", Harry distinctly remembered those were the exact words Louis had used with Lottie just earlier that week. 

It deeply frustrated Harry for two reasons. One was the fact that he was not as young as Lottie, he was a full two years older. Yet sometimes Louis was as protective of Harry as he was with Lottie. Harry didn't much like that from Louis; not since he'd begun maturing as well and was beginning to feel more like a man, maybe a little man, but a man for sure and not a boy. It pained Harry greatly that Louis didn't perceive him at all in that way. 

Like in the conversation Harry overheard with Lottie it was the same tactic, "too young too understand", "it's just not your time for this". 

What triggered the issue with Lottie was "girl things", or best said, girl under thingies. Lottie was wanting training garments...bras for girls just prepubescent in body development. It wasn't the training...thingies... Louis drew a line in the sand comment about, it was the panties. It seemed the influence of advertising and the talk of other, older girls had gotten Lottie thinking she should go the way of certain style of apparel. Apparel that Louis thought was well beyond his sister's maturity. At least Lottie kept coming up with these lacy, dainty things. 

Arguments about this subject came up regularly, usually following a family outing together for some shopping for necessities. It was easy with the three younger girls. With them it was a matter of how to decide between unicorn undies or my little pony under garments. This was the big issue at their young age. While this massive dilemma was resolved Mr. Styles and Harry just held back, pretending to be shopping at some department close by but not in the action. They let Louis take the job of working the girls through their purchases. It seemed right. After all, they were Louis's sisters first. 

Yet with Lottie things were complicated. Maturity was the issue. Or so she thought. So there was Louis. Arguing with Lottie. When things were settled, Lottie left with plain white panties, full coverage style, nothing lacy, nothing like the thong cuts she desired. And as Louis walked with Lottie over to were the family was waiting Harry heard Louis say, " you don't understand why it's not the time for this, your still a child." 

Harry understood completely what Louis was saying. And why. But a few nights after that shopping excursion Louis was heading to a party, not taking Harry, but going with a boy two years his senior, a boy Harry knew was likely to do things with Louis. Private things. Private mature things, Harry knew he didn't like that. He didn't like that he and Lottie were just children to Louis. He never realized with all the losses this patched together family suffered Louis was in a position natural for his devotion to them, all of them. 

No Harry couldn't understand. The changes he was experiencing made him have very strong feelings. His emotions frequently rendered him unable to concentrate. Well, except for on one thing. Louis. Harry was so fixed on everything Louis that he hardly saw anything outside his Louis-centric sphere. He didn't see several important things. Several obvious things. 

For one Harry had not seen the changes in his father. There were many. It was complicated. But some were quite profound. Harry just didn't see them. So when they were out on the family shopping trip, Harry didn't see the way his father watched his adopted-through-marriage-children, the oldst two of the five. Harry never noticed his father's keen interest in the girl talk, girl talk about girl langerie. Harry just didn't notice. 

Another thing Harry hadn't thought about was how he, Harry wasn't the only one to take notice in the changes with Louis. The changes were numerous. Socially, Louis had fallen into more of a patten of only being accepted because he was friends with certain circles of popular football players. No longer a player. That was one change. 

Another change was how Louis was popular with these players more increasingly because, well, because as Louis got older he aged different than other boys. Louis was pretty. So pretty. And his body, while boyish, somehow his was curvy. Delicate. Desirable. 

Yes, desirable was the word. Louis had become kind of a thing. 

For Harry it happened one night, the realization became concrete after so long being muddled confusion for his barely adolescent brain. It was a night like so many others. Their father was working late. Harry had come home from football tired. He found that while Louis had done a tremendous job with the girls yet he had once again burned the pasta and the sauce that was to be dinner. Harry knew their father would be angry. He'd become angered easily more and more so recently. It was like something was bothering him unusually so. Harry had assumed it was the strain of all the children and the single parenting. This challenge had indeed forced him into longer and longer hours to pay for the things he had to provide for six kids. 

The burned dinner would be an issue to Des. Louis would be completely surprised that it mattered and all too happy to give them just desert instead. His attitude: who needs pasta when there are cupcakes? Not enought protein? Louis would say sprinkle some peanuts on top, perfect with chocolate, there's your protein. 

This type of thing was the big difference between Des and Louis. As Des had become more and more strained, more uptight, more volital, Louis had become more a source of levity and chaos. Louis was innately unfettered about discipline, rules and constructs like proper meals. It was like when Louis gave up his much loved football to manage the girls in the hours between school and daddy getting home, he become something of a Peter Pan in his approach to everything. Football had forced him to balance his free spirit side with structure. That was gone, so was his sense of restraint. 

Harry stopped the pasta just short of complete ignition on the stove. The twins were in the bath. Fizzy and Lottie where engaged in some battle that was impossible to understand, something involving styling of bubbles on the twins heads. The rules of the competition were a source of some conflict between the two oldest. Harry heard enough with the door cracked slightly ajar to know this was no-man's-land with the four girls. Better to stay far, far away. So he wondered, where was Louis? 

No, really, where was Louis? What could he possibly be doing with the girls in bubble design battle and dinner burning on the stove? Harry went tor the door of Louis room and found it would open only slightly. There was something on the floor blocking the door. But then opening it it full was not required. 

On the bed in Louis' room were the two of them. Harry couldn't immediately tell which footballer it was. He knew it was one most likely it was one named Andy, a massive Adonis in form who was two years Louis' senior, the boyfriend. But it really didn't matter. 

What did matter was Louis. He was siting on the other boy's hips, naked. And wet. Wet with sweat that was coating his body like a glaze of oil. And he was moving. Andy laying under Louis was still completely clothed but Harry could see his pants were down. He was buried inside Louis. 

Louis was moving, oh yes. Harry had no clue Louis could move like that. The way his hips were undulating, the way his back arched and flexed. What was he was doing? Well of course Harry knew. But what he didn't know was that Louis would do that. Move like that, look like that... 

Harry closed the door completely then he went back downstairs to the kitchen and began salvaging dinner. He made sure to clang dishes loudly to let everyone know he was in the house. He shouted up the stairs to the girls a few times to get them motivated to wrap up their bathing process. Then he waited for his father to get home. He was at the sink with the last of the cleanup of the burned dishes, the washing nearly complete, freshly cooked pasta nearly ready to pull from the stove and plate when he saw his father pull into the drive. A through the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse and looked just in time to see Andy, coming downs the stairs and passing out the door just as their father came through. He left with a cordial, polite acknowledgment of "goodevening Mr. Styles" and then he was gone. Louis came down a minute later with the girls somewhat in tow and Mr. Styles entered a home quite unaware of that had just transpired. 

*** 

Harry thought he was doing he right thing. It was a couple weeks after he witnessed Louis having sex. Harry had been thinking about it with obsessive preoccupation. He'd come to the realization that it was probably not for the first time. The other boy was a couple years older than Louis. Mature. Very mature in a very masculine sense even though he too was just a schoolboy.

In the time following Harry's discovery the big drama in the family had continue to be Lottie and her choice of panties. Louis had been finding them, the sexy kind, in the laundry. They were the very kind he said she was too young for and kept taking them. Des was staying out of the drama, except to say that he admired the maturity and judgement that Louis was using in safeguarding his sister. 

"There are just too many adults out there looking to prey upon children. Part of the problem is the way society sexualizes children at a young age. Lottie is lucky to have a brother who protects her, even from herself and her lack of judgment." Des said one day to Harry as they were catching up on the events of the week together. 

That's when Hary did it. He thought it was the right thing. Or maybe he didn't think. One thing for certain, Harry didn't think he was motivated by being diminished like a child in Louis' eyes and resenting that. He didn't think he did it because of jealousy that some other boy was intimate with Louis. No, Harry actually just didn't think. He just blurted it out. Consequences be damned. 

"If Louis seems aware of how much exposure kids have to being sexualized it's probably because he's fucking some boy his room probably every week or maybe more depending on which days his old team is playing or not!" 

The words came flooding out. Harry instantly wished he could pull them back. His father went from a man proud and happy with the one thing that seemed under control in the family, in all their lives, to the reality that nothing could be further from the truth. 

Des' face flushed bright, bright red. His eyes looked like they might explode from the pressure that seemed to rise in his cranium. He spoke in a voice that seemed to come from a place deep underground, his tone that much more condensed and dark. His father turned his back to Harry and for a moment Harry thought maybe he could find a way to play it like it was nothing more than a mistake he might have made. Without looking at Harry Des asked a follow up question. 

"Which one is he, Harry? Is he the one fucking or he the one getting fucked?" 

Harry knew he shouldn't reply. Say it was a mistake, say something anything, but don't say the answer to what was just asked. Louis was at the age that some boys start being sexually active, it wasn't like Lottie. It was normal. Just say it was a joke. Lie. 

"He likes to be on top. I mean...I saw him on the...he, he rides the boy. The other boy. I saw Louis sitting naked, sweaty with the boy under him. The other boy had his...he was inside Louis. I heard the boy say Louis was riding him good. So good he said. Yeah I remember, it was "so good" the boy, Andy said." 

Harry didn't see his father's face after revealing the scene. Harry was dismissed by his father without another word other than, "go". 

Harry walked from the room where he and Des had been talking. It was a Sunday morning. Harry had a game later that day. He had been excited for the game. Excited more than ever before thanks to Louis. 

The thing about Louis and football was that Louis may have given up the team because of misfortune and necessity but he never stopped playing. Most of the time he would pick up a few minutes of play anywhere and with anyone he could. Harry had been benefiting from this passion Louis had for the sport. It may have taken a long time but Louis focus on getting in football anytime he could lead to more and more with time playing with Harry. Louis was the better athlete so it made Harry become a stronger, more skilled player. Today's game was the first one in Harry life that he was starting thanks to all the coaching by Louis on skills. 

For the first time ever Harry was respected. But not just in football. Harry was respected in every way; Harry had officially become one of the jocks, a cool kid. It was thanks to Louis who was stuck at home more and more increasingly isolated. 

Harry heard the sound of Louis and the girls coming back from the bakery. They had gone to get treats for taking picnic style to the park where the games were held. 

When they came into the house he heard the instructions Des gave the girls to go on over to the park with Harry, sit with their usual friends and spectating parents. Des said he and Louis would be along a little later. They "needed to talk" first. "Privately." The word "privately" was emphasized such that there was no debate. Des would address the revelation that Louis was having sex. 

*** 

Harry's transformation into social cool kid status was completed that day. 

Harry made the game winning score. It was a trajectory kick, curving of the ball that Louis had been teaching Harry for months. Harry's elation with his success was beyond what he could have imagined. He sisters were so excited that Daisy and Phoebe literally did cartwheels half the way home. Lottie and Fizzy made up a song for their brother heralding his prowess on the pitch. Des walked the route home with the five youth quietly smiling, seaming a bit distracted but still happy and relaxed. It was just odd that Louis had not been there. When Des joined them later at the game, nearly the end, Louis was not with him. 

Harry felt his throat constrict when they reached their home. His failure as a brother, as a friend, far out weighed his pride in himself as they walked inside. The house was quiet. It appeared no one was home. Harry told the girls he'd see about getting Louis, probably he was doing some homework, Harry proposed. He looked at Des and Harry noticed the change. Des wasn't looking at Harry. He kept a quiet smile, a very slight smile. Like a secret was making him pleased. That was when Harry realized the smile was not for Harry's game. Something was different. Forever changed. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Niall sees cracks in who Harry seems to be; Zayn confirms the paradox; Harry's confusion over Louis forces him to recall* what started his torment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please avoid triggers: Harry goes into the *flashback of his discovery of what starts to routinely happen at home after he outed Louis this chapter includes abuse/pedophilia/non-con.

It had been a complete and utter shock to Niall to learn that Harry Styles, gorgeous, charismatic, Mr. Popular Harry Styles was also brother to below-the-radar, twinky Louis Tomlinson Styles. Since the day Niall witnessed Louis forced to suck off Liam Payne, another star athlete, in the boys bathroom it had become more confusing what the story was with the brothers. Louis was this delicate, insanely pretty, theater-geek, at least that was the student group that accepted him. Harry a charming, handsome, athlete. The brothers seemed to have nothing in common. 

Niall's friendly open manner made it easy for him to get to know more and more classmates rapidly. That ease lead to his understanding of more of the story that was Harry and Louis. 

Zayn Malik was one person who had been most informative although the circumstances that Zayn revealed what he knew was somewhat awkward. Simply put Zayn and Niall had made that type of connection that was purely chemical. It was Zayn who revealed a very pivotal bit of information that made Niall curious.

According to Zayn the story of the Styles brothers was much more than just simplified to the statement that they hadn't always been who they were today. It was true that Louis had once been the popular, athletic one. Harry had been a clumsy misfit. Then they came out of puberty as different people. But according to Zayn there was something much, much more to them than just that. 

Zayn shared an interesting view that would stick with Niall. Harry had been doing a great job putting up a front about who he was following his almost overnight transformation in to the popular group. Zayn remained friends with Harry despite Harry becoming at ease with sports, which Zayn was not, because Zayn said he new the real Harry. The Harry that used to be. While he was fond of playing his new role of masculine, athlete, charming with the girls, Zayn said there was something more there hidden. Successful as was Harry was charming people, even having become a legend for sweet talking female teachers into anything he needed, that wasn't the real Harry. People made him to be a womanizer, Zayn knew first hand that was a lie. 

The problem with this image was sometimes Harry slipped. It was odd things, things many would not notice. But Zayn had the skills of the reclusive-artist type. He had seen many things that others were too busy in their own heads to notice. Things like the very day Niall was indoctrinated into the spectacle of bullying-Louis-for-sport, Harry was showing his other side but it was hidden in a vail of smug artificial bravo for the crowd. 

Zayn described his observations and they were an identical description to what Niall himself witnessed. Harry incites the attacks on Louis. But anyone watching Harry during the assaults would see Harry pulled back from participating, "and sometimes" Zayn said, "it seems that the attacks are more ravaging to Harry than they are to Louis." 

Niall realized that was entirely true of he what he had seen. Then Zayn added the crowning caveat. 

"That and one time Harry was drunk at my house and passed out. Not before he babbled on about he wanted to have sex with me because I was the only one on earth as perfectly gorgeous as Louis, but no, he really just wanted to be with Louis he finally admitted."

Niall looked at Zayn with raised eyebrows and mute surprise.

"Yeah, I know. I'm far better looking, right? Seriously though, he said that. He was thought he would seduce me but he was so knackered. He really ruined any chance by talking about how much he loved Louis, wanted to touch him, something about missing Louis drawling doodles of flowers and talking about shoes, back when it wasn't just them all living with his father years ago. Oh...then he threw up on me. Yeah, that kinda killed it for me and Harry. That, and because he pretends to be a homo-hating knob."

*** 

Niall waited outside the school after classes for Harry. He was excited to be going over the the pitch under the wing of the school's most popular atletlete. If Niall had to admit it he had to fight having a bit of a crush on Harry too. The curls, the dimples, the killer smile, his eyes...and don't even think about the legs. Then he thought about what Zayn had said. No, not interested in a conflicted knob, even if the insights Zayn shared indicated Harry was more "internally conflicted" then "knob". 

And so Niall let his thoughts go to Zayn. Quiet, mysterious, gorgeous. Sensitive. Niall took a deep breath and scanned the school yard looking to see if Zayn was in one of the scattering of students peppering the yard on this sunny day. 

Niall's searching turned up that far across the yard alone under a tree sat Louis. He appeared to be writing in a pad. Niall had a few minutes before he expected Harry to show so he made his way over. As he got closer he saw Louis had a sketch pad and a hand full of artist pencils, he was coloring. 

As he got closer still Niall realized how unbelievable this scene was. Louis was sitting there coloring like a child, looking simply beautiful. His signature tight jeans were turned up exposing his golden ankles. The same honey-colored skin was revealed by his tee shirt which also had rolled sleeves and a collar line that wasn't typically boy; it was cut too low and revealed his delicate collarbones and perfect skin. One of the first things Niall had noted about Louis was he always looked like he'd been rolled in amber pollen that was brushed away leaving him flawless and silky in its wake. At least that was how Niall imagined it because no one at this age, no one, should ever have such perfect, blemish-free skin. 

When he reached the tree Niall's focus went to Louis' face. Niall was wondering if there was some water that they raised the children on in this community because like Zayn, Louis had the most incredible cheekbones. If the bone structure was reproduced in sculpture critics would claim the artist wasn't a realist. That's when Louis eyelashes swept across his cheekbones. Simultaneously a breeze shifted the leaves above Louis' head. It cast flecks of light across Louis accentuating everything Louis; those lashes, the cheekbones, the caramel-colored hair, the lips. Niall was just contemplating the lips when Louis looked up finally aware of Niall's approach. 

"Fuck me" Niall thought, "this lad is unearthly pretty". Niall's thoughts betrayed him and he blushed and introduced himself. "Oy, there, m'Niall, we haven't been introduced..." 

Louis smiled at Niall as he replied and Niall felt his stomach flip. "I know who you are, Niall Horan. New lad from Ireland. Friends with my brother." 

Of course, Niall was "new". Louis may be outcast but he wasn't stupid. But friends with Harry? Did he realize that day with Liam in the bathroom that Niall was a spectator? One of the group encouraging through their passive acceptance a violation of another human being? 

Niall looked at the smile Louis gave him and felt embolden. He sat next to Louis on the grass, more compelled to come into Louis' compelling sphere of beauty than to run from the mortified embarrassment he felt over what he witnessed the other day. Nothing in Louis' tone was anything other than casual, factual at ease. His voice like all the rest of him was delicate and captivating. 

"Um, yeah. And your Louis Tomlinson...Styles." 

Niall gazed at Louis who returned his eyes to his page as he politely continued a welcoming manner with Niall ignoring the moniker of the Styles family name. "So are you going to join the team? I heard Harry and Liam talking like they thought you should." 

And it was that easy. Conversation flowed between them. They talked about football, Niall's home, the reason for the move. As they chatted Louis continued coloring. Niall asked questions and confirmed that Louis wanted to play football too, used to, but indeed had to give it up to be home with his sisters. Louis didn't specifically mention anything more about Harry since his one statement that Niall was "Harry's friend". He just kept his conversation redirecting to curiosities about Niall. 

Niall stole glances at the sketch pad as they talked. Louis was coloring little flowers. It took Niall a while to realize that the flowers were a pattern within the abstract outline of a pair of shoes Louis had drawn. Espadrilles, not entirely unlike the checkered pair of slip on shoes Louis had on his sockless feet. 

A gust of wind hit and a crumbled piece of a discarded page started to blow away from where they sat. Louis bent into a stretch with a shirt-shifting reach to grab the litter and the stretch exposed a slight area just above the waistline of Louis pants at his hip. His pants were dark blue which is why the tiny edge of a scalloped pink lace was so strikingly visible in a flashing glimpse even though it was only a millimeter of material that peaked over the jeans. 

As soon as Niall realized Louis was wearing lacy pink-trimmed undies he then thought, why does he choose the kind of panties that are cut so high when he knows he likes pants with the lower waist? Why do that to himself? The exposed wardrobe was covered again as soon as Louis sat back upright. The image was burned into Niall's mind. 

Engaged in conversation so contently, neither of them were paying attention so when Harry's voice registered a few feet in front of them it was a startle. 

"Niall you should keep better company unless you want to get a bad reputation." 

Harry stood there towering over them smirking at Louis. "We swat pixies around here, right Louis?" 

In the face of Harry's smirk Louis face revealed nothing Niall could interpret. Maybe it was disinterest. Or boredom. It certainly wasn't fear. Then Niall realized Louis wasn't giving Harry the benefit of any response. Louis got to his feet having started to speak as if to say farewell to Niall when Harry grabbed the pad and simultaneously shoved Louis back up against the trunk of the tree with as much force as he could. 

Niall winced more about the violence of the shove than Louis who just lept forward grabbing for his stolen notepad. But Harry had already started ripping pages. He had a clump in his hand as Louis pulled the body of the notepad free. Harry laughed mockingly, looking at the pages he'd crumpled partially and then he started ripping them into smaller pieces. 

"Still drawling pretty, flowery shoes like the fairy you want to be, Louis?" 

Louis looked flustered but resolute. He didn't have the fear in his eyes that indicated he believed Harry's role as the bully. He shook his head then nodded a parted greeting at Niall and walked off without a word in reply to Harry. 

Harry flopped down beside Niall with cruel smile on his face. His eyes never left Louis retreating form. Harry sat watchfully following Louis while he casually tossed the pieces of torn paper with his hands like confetti. Then, unaware he was observed, he shoveled a few pieces of the prized drawling into his pocket and he said. "Stay away from him Niall. He's just a whore, you know. A slut for anyone to use." 

Niall wasn't buying this. He was too smart for that. Too open-minded about people. It was so very easy to like Louis for being friendly and kind. Niall wasn't going to let peer pressure change him. 

"Well if you hate him so much Harry, than why did you watch him walk away until you couldn't see him anymore? Why did you just stuff your pockets with something you took from him? Why did you almost cry when he was being assaulted by Liam in the bathroom the other day?" 

*** 

Harry walked home from practice that day with Niall's words in his head. Was he that transparent? His love for Louis so obvious? If the new kid could see it what about everyone else? He'd try harder he decided. Harder to hate Louis. He could do it. 

Harry entered the front door and the house was loud. Four girls and Louis doing some ridiculous game. Despite himself Harry smiled at Louis because it was always a good day when Louis had Lottie engaged and not trying to kill Fizzy. Usually that's how things were. Lottie too often had to have her younger sister in tow with her since they had no mother. For that reason any many others, mostly maturing girl issues, Lottie was always the spoiler of the day. But she loved her brother and when he wasn't being bossy with her, too protective, it could be like this. Happiness and laughter. 

Most days if Des was working later when Harry got home he would either go start dinner or play whith his sisters while Louis started dinner. More and more it had become that Harry always cooked and Louis always managed the girls. This was solely because Louis had zero ability to focus on food and not burn dinner. 

However Harry had kind of come to accept that he drove a wedge between Louis and Des when he outed his brother. From that moment Des had strict rules for Louis. More strict and more restrictive than any he put on the other kids. Maybe because of that Louis was always tense around Des like never before. Louis smiled less, spoke less with Des around. This time of day, just Louis and his sisters, it could be bliss. 

On this particular day after the six of them shared with each other things about their day at school Harry opted to go cook. He needed to process the comments from Niall and not be hit with four overly energetic Tomlinson girls. After Niall called Harry out for his hidden emotions it made Harry less able to remember which Harry he was at this moment. He was always acting within an act so much that he lost himself. 

At school he acted like he hated Louis. At home he acted like he didn't hate Louis around the girls while acting like he was acting friendly only for the girls sake to Louis. It was too confusing, but then it was always the times when no girls were home that were the hardest for Harry. That was when Harry had to talk to Louis. Sometimes they had to be close. Maybe even touch. Harry accidentally forgot someimtes and got close, tried to touch. Then he remembered. He hated Louis. 

But the worst part of it? The worst part of it was that when Harry had to see the person Louis truly was; sweet, loving, protective, funny and a person that was impossible to not sit and admire. Like he was at this moment with their sisters. 

Harry opted to go cook. He'd turn up the music, tuned out Louis' voice, focus on food. He went to the computer that was in the kitchen to stream music and find a recipe he wanted to try. That was a mistake. He was the last to use the computer and the shopping site he was visiting previously popped up. Harry wasn't sure why he was looking at shoes, again, except it was the way Louis was stuck in his head and it fucked his brain. Louis and his dream of being a shoe designer. 

The web site Harry left open had a bunch of shoes, the type Louis wears and it was a page of different color options and patterns available. Looking at the shoes took Harry back to time after Louis was caught with Andy. After seeing them together Harry's mind had started playing tricks on him. His brain kept putting a recurring dream into his head. In his dream it was him that was under Louis. Louis was naked, glistening with sweat, rhythmically riding Harry's cock. But in this dream Louis was wearing floral espadrilles like the ones louis often drew. And that wasn't the only thing; he also wore silk stockings that ended mid thigh. Harry would grip Louis thighs, his strong, sculpted thighs...fuck! 

Indeed, Harry's brain was fucked. To make it more painful the instant his mind went to that dream and that image the computer screen had a pop-up flash at the top saying, "your order has been shipped". Harry's breath seized up and he slammed the laptop shut. That is why he hates Louis. Harry couldn't avoid the reminders, "your order has been shipped". 

*** 

Harry's thoughts were swept back to a few weeks after the outing. The outing Harry chose. Mr. Styles had banned Louis from anything that would allow Louis and Andy to have contact. Even after the family learned Andy's family was moving, Mr. Styles continued to forbid any contact. Louis was denied permission to go to "his boyfriend's" farewell party. Harry was invited. Des allowed him to go. Suddenly roles had switched. 

Since "The Andy Infraction" Harry had been playing ball, practicing a regular schedule of three or four times during the week. The girls after school care was Louis' responsibly. The five of them would come to practices often. But as Harry became a real, respected contender on the field, Des had more interest, pride, in his son. Mr. Styles started making it a regular thing to come to the practice one day a week. On those days he'd get home early and when the girls were all home from school he'd bring them with him to see Harry. It was father and daughters watching the practice. Harry loved it and didn't think about Louis so much. 

Harry remembered he had imagined this new favorite son attention from Des was hurtful to Louis, the black sheep since his sexuality was revealed, so Harry tried to block out the changes. At that time Harry was still openly crazy about his brother, although it made him jealous when he thought about someone else touching Louis. Nevertheless Harry had less and less time to think about that. Really, more and more, Harry just thought about his new success, his popularity, his new friends and his father's undivided love. 

Then Harry recalled he went to practice one day directly after classes let out, per usual for the schedule, but he was not feeling well. Throughout the day he'd been thinking he was coming down with something and on the field he immediately was hit by the wall of a a virus taking hold. Everyone could tell Harry was ill. Many other students had been sick that week so Harry was sent home early from football practice. It was so early that the younger level students like Lottie, Fizzy, Daisy and Phoebe, weren't dismissed yet so Harry hoped to get home and slip into bed before the girls got back. He remembered he hoped Louis would make him some tea for his sore throat. 

Harry walked up to the house. His father's car was in the drive. This meant he would have planned to bring the girls to practice once they were home. Harry went in the front door and there was a quietness to the house. Unusual quietness. Louis was always noisy. His attention momentarily diverted to the counter where there was a box. A small decorative box, like a gift box. Maybe that's why it stood out as unusual. The box was too big for jewelry, too small for much of anything else really. The lid was off and some tissue in it opened. 

Harry would come to recognize these boxes in time. Eventually he'd catch on to the orders placed with the upscale lady's boutique that featured the finest in silk lingerie. He'd find these boxes and their tissue discarded in the trash anytime if he was at all observant when he took the trash out. Or worse. 

It was sometimes worse. There would be times Harry would find the actual item in the laundry. To be certain, the day at school recently, the day when Liam ripped the periwinkle thong off Louis' body, that day was not the first time Harry saw Louis in a lacy, delicate thing. No. Not the first time. The first time was the day Harry got home unexpectedly having left practice because he was sick. 

It was shortly after Harry had seen Louis with Andy. Shortly after Harry had outed his brother to their father. Shortly after Harry had transitioned to the "cool zone" of jocks. 

Harry remembered that he walked up the stairs leaving the strange box. He only intending to seek sleep in his room. Too ill to be too curious about some unusual box. He walked slowly which made his steps silent to those at home. When he approached Louis' bedroom door he stopped. 

"Daddy's princess is so beautiful...that's right baby roll your hips for Daddy..." 

It was his father's voice. 

There was a smack and Harry heard Louis yelp as Des spoke again, "No princess, no sinking deeper, roll those hips and bounce on my big, wet knob. Daddy likes to feel your rim, your precious rim rub my knob when you take me in. You don't get to pound your sweet spot on me. You don't get to cum." 

Harry peered in and Louis was sitting with his arse over Des' cock facing away from their father. He was wearing peach thong panties that were barely more that a few inches of lace and silk string. Des had one hand on the bottom half of his condom clad cock holding himself to make it possible for Louis to drop onto him. The hand also made it impossible for Louis go very deep. His other hand he used to slap Louis' full, spectacular bum. Harry recalled Louis' bum was already red, clearly from numerous previous smacks. Then Des moved his hand elsewhere on Louis; to his hip, his sweaty back, into his hair to pull Louis' head back making his back arch, or reaching around in front to touch Louis' cock with a momentary feel as if to assess potential arousal. 

And Des continued his filthy degrading talk. "I'm your Daddy and you please me, princess, you fuck for me!." He slapped Louis again seemingly harder. 

Louis continued to bounce shallow pulses onto Des. He added some slight rolls of his hips to please Des. He was slapped and chided with taunts and instructions. It was stunning how beautiful he was with his nearly bare bum more accentuated by the cut of the thong. He was straining to keep his actions correct. It was clear Des wanted Louis to only take half of his considerable length and stop before Louis touched the edge of Des' hand. 

It was also clear that Des didn't want to hit Louis' prostrate with this shallow pulsing. Slaps seemed to direct Louis' actions. Louis seemed strained to stay in the confines Des demanded and Harry was about to step in to confront the awkward challenge of rescuing his not-biological brother from his biological-father. This was abusive? 

That's when Harry heard Louis speak. Louis was breathless and his voice nearly a whisper. "Please, please Daddy, please can you cum?" 

Harry froze. Was it a plead? It sounded desperate. Was it a plead? What possible reason would Louis have for fucking his father unless he wanted it? Was missing Andy's affections making Louis a slut for cock? Willing to fuck the man who was trying to be a father to him. 

Des replied while Harry's heart felt like it had ripped free from it's stationing support tissue. "Your such a cum slut princess. Want to suck daddy clean or let Daddy paint you like the filthy whore you are?" 

Before Louis answered Des decided. This was not the first time. Des did what Des wanted. Harry watched as Des pushed Louis off then quickly straddled Louis and ripped off his condom. He shoved his cock into Louis mouth just barely managing to get his spurting cock to Louis' mouth before he fully discharged. Des moaned loudly and trust while orgasming clearly unconcerned about how deep he shoved himself when he was going down in Louis' throat. Louis looked tiny under Des, pressed into the bed with the man's pelvis on his upper chest. 

When Des pulled off Louis was just completely still, flat on his back, his arms splayed out, his legs were similarly splayed out, probably tired from the burn of the pumping control he exerted to perform for Des. He was wrecked. Silent. Harry couldn't see more accept that Louis's nearly completely unaroused member was sensitized just enough to require it hang free to one side of the fabric of the lacy thong. 

Des stood beside the bed looking down at an exhausted Louis while putting his clothes on. He stared. Louis, however had turned his face away. 

"The girls will be home soon. We're going to go watch my "real" son work on his skills. You remember how good you were before you started needing all this cock? You just can't get enough of it. Just wait till we're gone then you can wank yourself off princess."

*** 

Harry's memories seared him into numbness. He came back to the moment and read the pop up on the computer. "Your order has been shipped". Another lacy thing for Louis was coming. Harry went about getting dinner started. It didn't matter what Niall said. Harry hated Louis. Louis must be seducing Mr. Styles with his constant parade of panties. It made no sense, but then Harry didn't think he knew Louis. Not really. They were just kids when they met. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry faces deep internal conflict as Liam's bullying exposes a horrible secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments? Pleeeasse. I'm having trouble with my Liam character defamation. The real Liam seeps into my brain too much.

Niall did decide he should go to the football practice the day after his meeting with Louis under the tree. Niall had been one of the best in his club back home. With a little encouragement from Zayn, Niall decided not let a bully, even a conflicted bully, dictate his actions. 

Zayn actually cited Louis as a model for anti-bullying when he talked to Niall. "Don't think for a minute that Louis has stopped doing things because of Harry. Or Liam. He keeps to himself a lot but he has only stepped out of activities because he had to."

Niall's decision to try for the team elated Harry. In his elated state Harry's behaviors slipped into those of his heart, his natural silliness took over. The things Harry did on the pitch when he wasn't focused on his macho reputation revealed the cracks in his image that Zayn identified. A few times Harry skipped about and did pirouettes to the extent that Niall wanted to remind Harry of his own words from the day before about "swatting pixies." 

When the practice was finished Niall was assured as a new transfer student they could make space on the team mid-season because his skills were good. The coach caught himself when he realized he made a comparison to the brilliance of some of Niall's playing as comparable to what they were missing since Tomlinson quit.

Seeking relief from the awkward reception the coach's comment about Louis generated in the expressions on the faces of Harry and Liam, Niall headed over to the sidelines. The coach's wife and children had stopped by. The wife was walking home with her three children. They were taking a peek at their father's work. The three children waved to Niall. When Niall's family moved to town they had purchased a house next to the coach's so the children were fascinated with their new neighbor. Was he a leprechaun prince? They had immediately taken a liking for the older boy from Ireland who spoke with a funny accent.

Niall said a brief hello to the coach's family and was about to head to the locker room when Harry walked up to his side. Harry looked at the three children and was transfixed in a stare directed at the middle child. The boy, about eight, was wearing girl's shoes with flowers all over them. The mum saw Harry's look; a stark, gawking stare.

"My daughter had a growth spurt and hardly wore them. My son has taken them as his own and seems we can't get him to wear any other shoes. He likes the tiny flowers." She finished her explanation with a nervous laugh and a blush of embarrassment. 

Harry finally shook off his rude stare and he knelt down to be eye to eye with the little boy. With a smile he said, "I think those are great shoes. I like that they have every color on them. Makes it so you can wear them with everything, right?" 

***

Later that night when Harry was sure the house was quiet because everyone was asleep he went down to the kitchen and turned on the computer. He went to a website for apparel and typed in the information the little boys' mum gave him. Vans shoes popped up. He found the flower shoes. As he was looking at them he decided to search the history.

This time he wasn't looking at shoes. He was actually diving head on into looking for the thing that made him hate Louis. The lacy thongs. He found the store. It was very, very exclusive. The things in his head were such conflicting ideas. The little boy in the shoes triggered his yearning for the Louis he used to know. Who was this Louis he hated today? Why did that happen? What was he, Harry, doing looking at shoes and panties? 

***

Harry missed the thing that set Liam off at school the next day. The cafeteria had been so crowded and usually it was Harry who instigated Liam into moving on Louis. He would tease Liam, tell Liam that Louis was still hoping Liam would replace Andy. It was so easy. Liam would always take the bait. Today was different. By the time Harry realized Louis had been hauled into the locker room, where it went down this time, Liam, Sandy and Josh were already "finished" and exiting the locker room. 

Liam once again had a prize in his hand. This time he hadn't immediately, discretely tucked the thong into his pocket. He was overtly playing with it and getting praise from the other two lad's for his prowess.

Harry didn't realize Niall had followed along with him when Harry went running out of the cafeteria overhearing Louis was "getting it from Liam". It was only when they were together in the locker room that Harry discovered this. Harry and Niall called Louis' name. Harry's had an uncharacteristically shaky edge to his voice as he went section by section through the expansive locker room. Niall's face reflected Harry's own. Concern. 

They didn't hear Louis reply. The room was silent. Harry and Niall were just about to leave thinking Louis had gone ahead of his attackers when Niall caught a glimpse of the tips of shoes. He ran to where there was a big hamper for dirty towels. Siting on the floor with arms wrapped around legs which were tucked knees to chest was Louis with his head down, face hidden. A silent, tiny ball.

They kneeled before him and said his name. When he looked up they discovered he was a complete wreck. His face was wet with tears, jizz was in his hair and on his clothes and for the first time there were bruises. One on his left cheekbone, another on the right side of his lower jaw and there was a tiny split on his lower lip above that bruise. This had never happened before. There were never bruises, Louis was never shattered, nothing ever happened like this before. 

Both Harry and Niall reached to pull Louis out from his tiny hiding spot but he shook and slapped them away. 

"No, no, no! Leave me be! Don't touch me, leave me!"

Neither could do that. That was when Louis did the strangest thing. He started rocking while still keeping his legs wrapped in his arms as he repeated, "He's going to be so mad...said I couldn't lose another pair. He's going to punish me..."

Niall and Harry were trying to understand what Louis was saying when they realized Zayn was there standing behind them. His face showed the same shocked expression as theirs. 

Zayn didn't speak he just reached through Niall and Harry and pulled Louis out of the huddle. When he did Louis nearly collapsed as he stood. The three of them each took ahold of him although they were all uncertain because Louis resisted but kept repeating his mantra, "he's going to be mad, lose another pair, punish me..." 

And Louis was shaking as much as he was doing anything else. It was devastating for the three with him. They heard the bell indicating lunch was over. Students would be coming into the locker room. It was then that Zayn said for them to help him get Louis out. Zayn was always the mystery. But one thing about his secrets was that he was amazingly resourceful. They got Louis out without notice and when they reached a back door rarely used because it lead to the rubbish bins Zayn told them to get to classes. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call.

Zayn's parting instructions to them was for Harry to go to the nurse and use his womanizer charms to convince her to release he and Niall. Then Zayn could resist an easy taunt at Harry's expense. He added, "tell her you feel sick too and try to vomit on her. You're good at that Harry." Zayn winked. The last bit Zayn shared was that he would get Louis home, Harry should get there as quick as he could.

***

Des came home to a house much more full than normal. The girls were four plus one. A sister of Zayn's was there as well as the usual four. In the kitchen it was Harry, Zayn and the new friend Des had heard about, Niall. 

Niall seemd not too eager to meet Mr. Styles. He hesitated to shake the hand when it was offered. Something seemed cool and distant with the lad Harry had described and gregarious, friendly. Des decided to leave the three be. 

"Where's your brother?" Des inquired. It was an early home from work day for Mr. Styles. Usually he came to the pitch after the girls got home on these days. Louis was a persona non grata on these days...or so it always had seemed to be. 

Harry didn't look at his father when he replied. He was focused on the computer. It seemed. Like the lads were engaged in some class group assignment. "He's sick. Had to leave school early. Really sick. Nasty virus going around. Makes people vomit on others it hits so hard." He added sarcastically, "Like Ebola."

Zayn nearly choked with the vomit reference. Niall laughed. Again Des felt the chill from the lads. Harry continued to not even look at his father. 

"Okay then. I guess I go check on the girls." Des said. Des felt a definite uncomfortable air about this gathering, but he wasn't sure why.

He started to leave the kitchen when Harry said, "Incidentally, there was this package at the door when we came home. Me and Louis. It's just over there. Louis didn't look happy when he saw it. I don't know why. Sounds like some girlie name. Lotus Boutique."

With that information Des stopped and was rooted for an instant. If he'd been looking he would have seen that the three of them, were closely scrutinizing his reaction. They saw his back stiffen, his hands clench. But shielding his face, he went to the small package, really only big enough for something small, bigger than jewelry, but light, light as a feather. Maybe wrapped in tissue. He tucked the box under his arm and went to his room upstairs.

***

The next morning Des woke and went down dressed for work and was surprised that Harry was sitting there in his boxers looking like school was not a concern.

"What are you doing Harry? Shouldn't you be dressed? School?"

Harry was sitting at the computer. "Right. I should, oops. You mind seeing the girls off, I'm late! Guess with Louis sick in bed l messed up!"

***

Des did indeed get the girls off and left to work. He was out the door for a split second when Harry sprinted up the stairs. He paused at Louis' door, centering himself, before he went into the room where Louis was sleeping. Entering quietly he peered at his brother. Louis looked peaceful, but the bruises on his face were angry red and purple. 

Harry stood there remembering the first time his eyes met Louis'. It was Harry who was flat on the grass, winded. This boy with bright blue eyes and a friendly smile appeared over him inquisitively. Harry hadn't seen that same boy for years now. Harry missed him. Terribly. A knock on the front door brought Harry back to focus. Leaving Louis undisturbed, Harry went to the downstairs. 

The day before when Zayn brought Louis home he was very quickly followed by Harry and Niall. They tended to Louis. It left the three of them feeling wretched and pathetic. How did it get this far? Liam, Josh and Sandy had beaten Louis a bit and he seemed to be wearing enough dried ejaculate to suggest more than Liam used him this time. His panty was ripped from him again leaving a raw flesh mark like a rope burn in a tender spot. During their care Louis' only words were the same repeated mantra over and over. Finally, he yielded to exhaustion and faded into sleep. 

The small box didn't require opening to guess the contents. They set it aside for Des and began an investigation. Harry knew these boxes were arriving somewhat regularly. He knew Louis was wearing them. For the first time Harry needed to know why. Who was ordering them? Louis words back at the locker room, the implication they bore, it was the first time Harry had ever heard them, "He's going to be so mad...said I couldn't lose another pair. He's going to punish me..."

After they tended to Louis, before the girls got home, and while Mr. Styles was not yet aware of how much he needed to hide, the three did a search of the house. 

Since the outing, the Andy Incident, Harry had seen the lacy panties a few times in the laundry. At first he tried to not be aware of Louis wearing them, but yes, he was aware. The thing that they were trying to answer on this afternoon was about where the collection was hidden. With six children in one house, Harry did laundry often enough to believe nothing strange was in Louis' room. The three searched it as Louis slept. They found nothing. Then the went to Mr. Styles room. This is where Zayn's mysterious side came in. The room turned up more of nothing unusual. They were about to give up when Zayn asked what was in the side cabinet of the antique secretary desk in the master bedroom. Harry shrugged. The three looked at the small, brass antique lock. 

Student artist Zayn was a great many things. He loved the graffiti art form which took him to the streets and alleys. He spent a lot of time doing that. Sometimes in his experiences he did something else on the side. It was a skill set Zayn didn't advertise. Zayn had no difficulty open the old, simple lock. 

Inside the small side cabinet was a collection of women's panties. Lacy, stringy, delicate. All shades and patterns. Many were ones Harry had seen before. Glimpses he stolen when Louis bent the right way or the occasional appearance of an item in the laundry. Once Harry found one of the tiny garments stuck in the drier vent. He recalled Louis said he would have to revisit the subject of age appropriate clothing with Lottie and took it. Subject closed. 

Along side the lingerie was a box of papers. Notes. Letters. Many bits of the past. They were all in Anne's handwriting.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discoveries are made. Harry and Louis face each other in the wake of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, still going. But the Larry smut is nearing...had to break this chapter in half. Warning: more dark stuff here, then some not.

Spurred on by the violence perpetrated on Louis, the effects of the assault, Harry, Zayn and Niall spent their afternoon digging for answers. In Des' room they found clear evidence, reasons, for the father and son relationship. 

Harry realized the instant that they opened a cabinet full of girly panties, most from Lotus Boutique, that an ugly truth was likely to be revealed. For the first time it dawned on him that he had transferred a series of his own assumptions to make the worst possible conclusions. 

Harry was young when he felt like Louis rejected him for Andy. He felt betrayed. Then when he saw them together intimately he felt jealous and resentful. When he saw Louis with his father he made the next step into his anger. He assumed Louis was not the boy Harry thought he was. Harry decided Louis was a slut. He promoted this idea. In his imagination. At their school. 

Now Harry had information to clarify what was the nature of the relationship between father and step son. It wasn't Louis who was going to Mr. Styles. The box filled with letters from Anne confirmed some of the question of how things may have started. The letters were written in his mother's own hand. Harry opened them with trepidation. At times he had to pass a letter to Zayn or Niall to finish reading as they sat and poured over the letters. 

It was all there. Each letter, so many of them, all the same. Anne must have struggled constantly with the agony of her uncertainty. Was Harry's gender enough to protect him? 

The content of each letter was nearly always the same. "...I still question whether the decision to only take Gemma was the right thing for me to do. How do I know Harry is safe? I lived with you for years as your wife and never knew you had this sickness, this attraction to young girls. If I had not found the hidden pictures would you have done those kinds of things to her? The things you bought for her to wear, those things foreshadowed what would have happened if we stayed. Is the fact that Harry is a boy and that he is your son, is that enough to protect him? Will you fulfill your promises to me? Is Harry safe?" 

After the discoveries in the master bedroom the three lads made a plan. They would chill there at Harry's waiting for Mr. Styles get home, keeping the battered Louis out of sight. The following day Harry would act the part of absent-minded teen, lost without his older brother's direction and when Mr. Styles had left for work the next morning the other two would join Harry in further investigation. Niall was the one who recommended the plan for the following day. 

*** 

The thing about Niall was that, like Zayn, he had this resourcefulness, things he could do that were not shared to the world at large. Niall had an extraordinary ability to tap into things he'd learned from his father. 

Mr. Horan worked in securities. Not financial securities. The other kind. He was brought to England to do his special line of work and that is how Niall came to be at the same school as the Styles brothers. 

Once Mr. Styles was gone the following morning, Niall connected a pin drive to the Styles' computer which Niall brought from home. It allowed Niall to upload a program and download files. Niall extracted every hidden or "deleted" bit of information ever to run through the Styles computer. 

The secrets hidden in the computer, either believed deleted or password protected, were devastating to Harry. His father was not the man he believed him to be. He friequented child pornangrahy sites. His site visit pattern suggested he'd moved from interest in underage girls to an insatiable interest in boys. Clearly, the shift in interest coincided with the onset of his personal experiences with Louis. Before long Niall peeled back the layers to reveal the worst of it. 

They found pictures. Some of the pictures were of Louis candid, normal photos. There were even some of him from a long time ago playing football. Disturbingly there were a lot of pictures of Louis adorned with a lacy thong. Most horrific were the pictures taken from Des's point of view where his engorged penis was pictured laying against Louis' arse, a reference of cock size to full, round bum. Harry was already struggling with bad images enough; having seen Louis sunk half way onto Des, while Des kept a hand on the base of his cock, Harry didn't need more pictures in his head. Particularly not now. 

Harry now realized that he'd interpreted it all wrong from the beginning. He remembered the plea, Louis asking Des to cum, with a please. He watched them. Heard them. And he judged Louis; he had been so certain Louis was his daddy's little slut. 

Harry was very much numb with angst sitting in his kitchen blankly looking off, afloat in his thoughts. Niall was continuing his cyber rummage through the Styles private lives. He sat upright when he came across something that gave him a trail. It was a trail he was certain he could transfer to the drive and use his father's tools at home to help him put a trace on Anne. She had communicated enough times from different accounts that Niall was optimistic. This one thing was giving Harry something a little hopeful which he desperately needed. That's when they heard a sound. Louis had wandered downstairs and was standing at the entry to the kitchen staring at them quietly. 

*** 

He was in a loose tee and sweats. His hair was tucked under a beanie even though it was a warm day. He looked tired. Very tired. Shadows were under his eyes. The bruise on his cheekbone and right below his lower lip the one side of his jaw was painful looking. Only the cut on his lower lip looked minutely improved. But there was nothing "Louis" about Louis except that under all the fatigue and diminished energy he was somehow still insanely beautiful. His face said "why are you here?" It was well into midday. Why were the three lads in the family kitchen on a school day. 

Harry catapulted himself to Louis. As per usual, Louis, regardless of which Harry it was (the civil-pleasant-one like Harry pretended to be in front of their sisters or the Harry coming at Louis like Niall witnessed the day before last) stayed calm. He didn't yield. So it was easy for Harry to go into Louis' personal space and wrap his arms around Louis even though Louis should have responded by fleeing given Harry's history in inciting things like what just happened with Liam. But Louis had a history of never pulling away from Harry. Either Harry, kind or cruel. 

With an arm around Louis' small waist, Harry took Louis face gingerly with the other hand and cupped his brother's chin. Harry held Louis. Inspecting him. It took restraint for Louis not to immediately return Harry's scan, because Harry was searching Louis so intensely. But Harry searched like he could perhaps find something that gave him a key to get past. A way to peel back the surface and look into his brother's soul. Harry wanted an opening for forgiveness. But Louis stood there frozen. 

Harry decidedly brought both his hands to Louis cup Louis' face. Harry's touch was as light on Louis skin as a lattice made of crystalline sugar. It could easily be broken away. With that unprecedented loving cradle, Louis returned the look, reaching into Harry's eyes. 

Harry didn't even remember what moved him into the kiss. But there were his lips on Louis'. Harry's eyes closed and he only realized Louis still hadn't flinched even the slightest when he decided to let his tongue was slip along Louis' lips for a split second. Then he was kissing deep into Louis' mouth. 

Harry realized he'd lost all sense of himself because in this kiss, which seemed received without denial, passiveness or detachment from Louis, Harry's hands had slipped from Louis' face. He realized suddenly that his hands had slid down Louis back to His bum. No apologies, no request, just straight to grip these masterfully designed curves that had been the discovered focus through a photoessay of secrets for the better part of the morning. These cheeks were in Harrys hands, hands which ignored the respectful separation of fabric and slid under the elastic waist, under the soft jersey fabric and just gripped Louis' arse possessively. 

Harry's brain clicked in and he realized he was taking license without asking consent and suddenly jumped back. It was like he'd been shocked by a pulse of electric current. He stood back and looked at Louis. 

Louis' face had color now. Harry had kissed the dreary fatigue away and replaced it with a flushed burst of color that over shadowed the bruises. The sunshine glow Louis normally radiated was not yet restored, but he was indeed, flushed. The juxtaposition of vulnerable and blushed made Louis look more desirable. Like he should be kissed like this more often. His eyes looked soft. Maybe there was some yearning in the way they held Harry's. 

Also in the room stricken speechless, holding their breaths with surprise was Niall and Zayn. Harry ran his hand through his curls maybe because he felt the heat of its encounter with the touch of Louis' skin still lingering on the surface. He needed to release the kinetic energy it held. His curls afforded that. His two friends exhaled, Zayn with an whispered, "okie-dokie, now". 

Self conscious, Harry asked, "Why'd you let me do that?" 

Harry's tone in questioning Louis wasn't mocking. Certainly is was not a normal tone either. It was, if anything, shaky. Harry felt he couldn't control his voice at all because of the kiss he stole. Maybe while they embraced Louis took some part of him. Stole something back. 

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe in the scheme of all things awful," Louis said with an emphasis on the word "awful", "your kissing me didn't seem like the worst of things to happen to me." 

Niall and Zayn could not contain their reaction to the snarky, sassy way that Louis completely hit Harry between the eyes. 

Aware that the others were laughing at him, be it silently or not, Harry shifted uncomfortably. He realized he wanted to seize Louis again. Kiss that sass, kiss that less than stellar review of his first attempt away. Sore lip be damned. Harry wanted to kiss Louis breathless. Yes, because at this moment his heart was hurting, twisting in his chest cavity. Tortured by his foolishness. His...having been too young to understand. 

There it was. Harry had been too young to understand. Louis had been from the beginning. He was thinking this, wanting his brain to articulate something. When Louis asked the obvious, "what are we all doing here anyway? Aren't we all supposed to be at school?" 

Harry didn't answer that. He wanted to get to the thing, the core of the thing, that had to be changed. He blurted it out. 

Harry went to his knees again slipping his arms around Louis. This time however, he didn't put them on Louis' bum he just cradled the small of Louis back with light touches. Tears were streaming from his eyes and he said the thing he wasn't certain Louis could ever accept, "I'm so sorry for my failure to understand. I know what he's been doing to you, we do, we all do. And it's not going to happen ever again." 

Harry pressed his forehead into Louis and pulled him tighter with the tears becoming sobbing. He may have been saying again how sorry he was, but no one could understand him in the heartbroken release that flooded from him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis tells Harry, Zayn and Niall "why".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I split this part off because I'm dragging my feet on Liam. I think I took care of him, which comes next, but since the guilt swelled in me as I wrote the plotted elements , um,,I just got bogged down. I don't like using real persons so horribly, well unless they blatantly like that kind "bad" attention (aka Max George). 
> 
> Oh, and TRIGGERS!!! Abuse, coerced sex with minor, bondage.

Harry was glad that Zayn and Niall were there as he and Louis openly talked. Not because he worried that Louis would smit him again with anger or resentment. Louis absolutely did not. 

No, Harry was glad for the company because he felt numb and nauseated. When Harry finished his extensive plead for forgiveness, Niall and Zayn turned to the process of telling Louis what they'd uncovered. Harry's eyes had dried up and his composure restored a little. Someone needed to ask the question. 

All eyes looked at Harry. Harry had to ask Louis for the answer to the question that still eluded them. Why? 

Why? Why would Louis keep secret the abuse that had been going on for more or less two years? 

*** 

It was because of Lottie. Shortly after Jay died Louis started finding Lottie had acquired some particularly mature items of intimate apparel. She was only ten, hadn't an idea about the bigger context of the clothing. And it took Louis sometime to become suspicious of Des. Des was their father, so Louis kept his fears a secret. Of at first he simply decided he wasn't going to trust their stepfather with Lottie, or the other girls until he knew for sure. 

With great reservation Louis began to answer why. 

"The day you told him [Des] about me and Andy he waited until you and the girls left for the game. He took me up to his room and began yelling at me. Yelling all these things about what a horrible thing it is to be a faggot, you know, the usual homo hatred stuff. He said it was in our family, my family, naturally being a slut. He said that Lottie was ready to be a slut any day too. He said she liked the lacy things the he showed her. He said that he could tell she was excited and couldn't wait to wear them for him." 

"I shouted back to him how he was a monster to think like that, she didn't know about sex and no girl would want to be like that with a grown man, especially one who is supposed to be her father. Then he got this weird look. He asked me... no, he said to me that maybe she didn't, but he knew I wanted that...that he knew I wanted a daddy to fuck me. He kept talking, telling me secrets of this long harbored fantasy, a sick aberration he was creating in his head. He started telling me that I was the one who wanted it." 

"He had this pair of panties that he held out to me. To take, and put them on...he narrated how it was, in his head he knew already, before the moment how it was. Like he had created this fantasy already. He imagined that I wanted to fuck him. To be his princess. And he would give me what I wanted. In turn it would keep Lottie safe." 

Louis told the three that beginning with the very first day Mr. Styles established that he wanted no part of anything "pro-gay". He was only fucking Louis to "fuck the gay out of him". He would always hold the base of his dick to minimize how deep he penetrated which he said was to keep Louis from have the pleasure of cock enough to hit his prostrate. This was to teach Louis this gay sex thing was not pleasurable. 

"Not pleasurable" reminded Harry in a flash about what he had witnessed. Now the pictures in his head fit this reality, it was not pleasurable for Louis, the things Harry witnessed. 

Louis told the three lads who listened with horrified expressions on their faces that he realized in short time that Des got the greatest pleasure in his knob; his sensitivity being best when Louis was forced to take him repeatedly, shallow, never deep. Louis learned this because sometimes Des just wanted to see the panties on Louis, finger Louis and have Louis suck him off. The felaciao and Des' rule for Louis to not finger himself very much was how Louis learned that Des only had good sensitivity on some of his penis. 

This idea was supported by the way Des would, thrust deep into Louis throat if he wanted to come in Louis. He liked making Louis choke. Many times, Louis said he'd waken to realize he had blacked out near suffracation because Des was so forceful. 

Lottie was Des' key to control Louis actions. Always present in Louis mind. Always the theme of his nightmares. The punishment was as simple as this, Louis said. As Louis continued on the context of Louis comments in the locker room, with Liam taking the thong made sense. 

"Once early on, I got this idea that I needed to fight back. I didn't understand yet how he could be. What were threats and what was real. He came to me with these new panties. He described to me how pretty he thought I would be wearing them. I didn't plan my reaction, but my stomach flipped. So I grabbed them and ran to the bathroom feeling sick, locking the door. I knew he liked me to put them on in front of him, to thank my daddy for them as I slid them on the first time. He has this kink. I had to always tell him how much I love the way the thong digs into my bum, the feel of the string between my cheeks and press of it against my hole. Thank him for making me beautiful." 

"I remember he was telling me that from the other side of the door. It might have been the first time he said it so I understood. And that's what made me sick. He was telling me about how nice it is when a hole is tight. I knew then I was only sustaining his craving children, maybe even younger children, so I felt more ill. He was at the door beating on it and I got more angry the more he demand I come out. He was yelling, beating on the door more, shouting that he didn't want me fingering myself open because, yeah, he wants me so tight for him. I don't know quite yet that he wants that because of how he needs that to feel in his dick. So I set the thong on fire in the sink and came out still fully dressed. He saw them charred in the sink and he was angry like I've never seen." 

That day of resistance, Des "punished" Louis for the first time. He tied Louis in his room using the braces Louis loved to wear and left him naked. Des made sure that Louis was uncomfortable, unable to think of anything but his arse, he put a very short, stout plug into Louis leaving him there. Then the part that Louis described as the most insufferable, Des had a "fatherly chat" with Lottie, in the hall, while Louis laid bound, helpless. Des spoke to Lottie in double entendres of the most subversively sexual nature. He made certain that while his daughter four years younger than a Louis did not understand the context, that Louis a teenager, did. Completely. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Read notes, please. Louis finishes sharing the pattern of abuse. Harry and Anne unite with a plan. Liam seeks forgiveness and Harry learns from Liam how their mistakes in judgement nearly parallel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note this is full of chronicling how the abuse develops. It was a struggle to write because of balancing plot content and not wanting to condone abuse. Liam's view, Louis' past with Andy are pivotal to healing. Not sure where this came from. 
> 
> Faith in survivors, surviving spirit.
> 
> Um, yeah...typos. Massive typos. Looking forward to fun upswing ending. Thanks for reading/enduring/commenting.

Des used the same approach multiple times in the beginning. Always leaving Louis bound and plugged, Des would speak to Lottie right outside Louis' door using nearly sexual terms with her. It was a threat conceived to break Louis' spirit. When he offered Louis a chance to please him the next time Louis would succumb enthusiastically; forced consent. Louis feared that as Lottie got older she would understand the underlying meaning of things Des said to her. More and more Louis knew he had to be completely certain that he didn't make any mistakes to anger Des. Ever. 

Louis was not looking at the other lads torrtured expressions when he finished. He was quiet for a minute after talking about the punishments like the ability to say anymore had left him. Then he said softly with tears in his eyes, "I always joked with Andy how much I loved the way he would spend endless hours kissing me. My favorite thing was joking that he tortured me. I used the word, torture." 

"He would lay between my legs and kiss my inner thighs. He liked to tell me how I was turning more beauful every day as my body changed. My thighs, he loved sucking marks on them inside and high where no one would see. He'd marked me as his. I teased him once that I would wear those sheer, thigh high stockings for him and he came while just laying there because it turned him on so much." 

"We never had anything mean or ugly in what we did together. I never had to take him against my will, or, or anything. He made me feel so good, special, had me wanting him so badly, so badly that I could cry if he told me I had to be patient. Like that was torture. Now I don't think I can even..." Louis stopped there. His pain too fully exposed. Tears finally rolled openly down his face. 

*** 

Des came home that night to a house much quieter than usual. Louis was still in his room, "sick". Harry and his father discussed the next day, Friday. Harry suggested that Louis would most likely like to go back to school. All of the little organizational things that the oldest son normally took care of were reviewed. While they talked Harry saw things that he realized he had never noticed before. He thought about them. The signs were there. He could feel Des' yearning in how he asked about Louis. Any lull in conversation, Des asked about Louis again. Harry had gotten Louis through a couple days that it was now clear would have included "a serve-daddy session". Probably it would have been the day before if the boys hadn't all been home unexpectedly. Des would have found Louis was missing his panties; Liam took them. Would he have punished Louis or was he only thinking about the new ones he'd just gotten for Louis? 

Harry needed to see Louis through another day and a weekend ahead providing him protection at home from their father and at school from Liam, Josh and Sandy. Niall's research had turned up Anne's current phone and address. Harry had called her. For now, it was a few days of being patient, keeping Louis, and the girls, safe. 

*** 

In her heart Anne probably always new that a call like this one could happened. She was not completely unprepared. Gemma was just starting Uni, her first year, but she still lived with her mum. Somehow Gemma new that while it was always the two of them, it was never just the two of them. There was something Anne never discussed with Gemma but it weighed on her heavily. 

What Anne felt was more than anguish. She couldn't act quick enough when she got pass the elation of hearing Harry's voice, hearing him confirm that he was okay, but only to learn that Harry was okay due to the misfortune and abuse of another. 

It was a strange series of events that lead to Des being in exactly in the very situation that Anne feared. She left with Gemma to protect the child from Des. Des had assured her he'd never have more children. He even had a vascectemy. 

While it was at least true that he couldn't have children, he'd never mentioned to her Mark's death, marrying Jay with four daughters, or Jay's death. From all Anne knew the two families relationship was still much dissolved with her leaving, although she guessed Harry was still friends with the boys from his football club, Louis most certainly. 

Divorced or not, they spoke regularly. Every time Des swore to Anne that he'd gotten over his fascination with young girls he neglected to say he'd substituted it with boys. Anne specifically recalled that in the last two years Des sounded "truthful" every time he promised that he no longer had fantasies about young girls. He swore that Harry was absolutely safe. 

Anne was devastated to find out how Des could claim that was all true. It broke her heart because she new Louis so well. He was so little, his youngest sisters, the twins, just babies when she and Gemma left. Like any child, Louis deserved to be safe. The twist of fate was particularly ironic. Louis was always the tiny soldier in Harry's life. Protecting him. The perfect big brother. Her heart fell even more when Harry revealed that Louis had confided to Harry that Louis had this plan; just to make it through until his eighteenth birthday then to take his sisters. Fight Des again as soon as he could guarantee they all could stay together. He could be a legal guardian to them. 

Anne assured Harry that she had a barrister who was capable of taking this challenge swiftly and she had always planned this day could happen. She never dreamed it would go larger, five of Jay's children hanging in the balance. Harry's job with this rescue was to sit tight through the weekend. Bring the pin drive of information to Anne in London on Monday. They'd meet with the barrister whom she was seeing immediatly, the next day being Friday. This was an emergency she wasn't going to let it go a second longer than they could. Harry would be home Monday before the girls were out of school, before Des was home. Anne was confident that Tuesday morning Des would be met at work with legal restraints. The six children would never have to see him again. For Lottie and Fizzy, memories of Anne would be fuzzy. The little ones would have a shock. But they had Harry, and of course, Louis. 

That was the plan. Make it to Monday. Friday, Des left for work, Louis went back to school, the girls too. 

*** 

At school on Friday Harry, Zayn and Niall were waiting for Louis who was to join them for lunch. Harry's concerns were palpable, his mates understood and tried to act normal. Harry felt too anxious. He was desperate for resolution. Why did it always take so long for Louis to get to lunch following his theater class? It never mattered to Harry before, not when Harry was living in the bubble he created where Louis deserved his fate. It was different now. 

Harry had been clock-watching all day. In every class he heard nothing, he only thought of the plan. His mind wondered about things like was this barrister an expert in these issues? Would his mum tell Gemma? What was Gemma like? Would Gemma believe this about her father? She was a year older than Louis, but still, Des was her father. Harry pondered these questions and felt deep disappointment in himself, he'd never considered it was his father who was deviant. It was so easy to believe it was Louis. 

Harry looked across the enormous lunch room and felt comforted because he saw Liam, Josh and Sandy were in the room too. They were sitting together appearing to have no interests beyond their food before them and each other's company. Meanwhile Zayn and Niall were exchanging cutsie eye glances with each other which only served to escalate Harry's angst. Harry was okay with Louis being out of his sight as long as those three were in his view. Older than him or not, Harry was determined. If they moved he would intercept them. It was a complete turnaround from who Harry was a few days ago. 

Louis finally came in from class with a few other of the theater geeks. The small group of students were laughing together as they went to get some food. Liam stood immediately but not without making a gesture, perhaps a remark, for Josh and Sandy to stay where they are, remain seated. He moved through the tables in a serpentine pattern quickly heading for Louis. Harry jumped up the instant he saw Liam move. And while Niall was ready to go with Harry, Zayn told him to wait, chill, let Harry take care of it. He suggested they stay out of it, watch for Josh and Sandy to move. 

Harry intercepted Louis and Liam within seconds. The theater geeks who were with Louis disappeared like a puff of dust in the wind the instant they saw Liam approach leaving Louis alone to face the determined looking jock. 

Liam was about to say his first syllable when Harry came to his brother's side rushing to speak first. "You'll be better off keeping away from my brother from here on out Liam." Harry said in his best deep, firm voice. 

Liam had been focused on Louis. Studying Louis with anguish over the evident bruises from their last encounter. When Harry approached Liam was expecting Harry's normal prompt. In a way this practice of bullying was so routine that Liam hadn't even glanced at Harry. He hadn't noticed that Harry's face bore a different expression. Gone was the look of "I'm so pleased with myself" which Harry usually had as he escalated the bullying. That was not to be today, however. 

Liam's attention had stayed to the task of his survey of Louis. That's why it was a shock to Liam when his brain alerted him to the words that had come from Harry's lips, a warning to leave Louis be. "You'll be better off keeping away from my brother." 

Louis, for his part, was doing what he always did. From the very first time, starting the first day of school after Andy's party, the scene of Louis' "Liam crush" public unveiling. From that day forward Liam had encountered this composed Louis who never showed emotion in any way when confronted with Liam. 

*** 

That first day, the day the bullying at school began about two years prior, "the composed Louis" was because Louis was innocent, unaware that his secret crush for Liam had been revealed by his knackered boyfriend. Louis had been at home, forbidden by his step father from attending the farewell party. Uncertain why his secret crush was approaching him, Louis was simply playing it cool. 

Despite the onset of abuse at home, Louis was hopeful that this attention coming his way was going to be a good thing. Just thinking about how his boyfriend was forbidden and now suddenly gone, Louis was just, well just lonely. Lonely and optimistic about the prospects of new love. Minutes before it would turn ugly Louis was holding his breath, hiding his excitement about Liam. Louis tried to show no emotion as he waited expectantly. 

Liam emotions were full of hope back then too. Although he acted like Andy's joking about Louis "having a thing for him" was offensive when it happened at Andy's party, he only did so because Liam was hiding a side of himself. He couldn't admit in a party full of knackered teens that he found things about some boys arousing. Louis had always exemplified what turned him on. The way Louis smiled with his bright eyes and beautiful smile, Louis' insane mix of angle and curves, the way he was just pretty and sassy all in one. Louis had this appealing mix; the ability to play football aggressively, full of smack talk to turning one-eighty and showing this soft side, a way of understanding those who needed a listening ear. Everyone who played with Louis new he could make them laugh if they screwed up on the field, or listen if they needed to talk. Liam found these qualities about Louis irresitable. No one was like him. 

It was the soft Louis that Liam craved for. He'd watch Andy and Louis together. Sometimes Andy would have to endure Louis whining his way into making Andy give him a piggyback ride anywhere and everywhere he desired. This happened a lot when they were away from the school, but openly even in the company of others, their team for example. 

The piggyback rides would sometimes end in a tussle or wrestling match. The cause of the tussle would be something Louis was doing to Andy as Andy carried him; Louis licking Andy's ear, nibbling on Andy's neck, biting Andy's shoulder blade. Maybe it was things he whispered to Andy, Liam was never sure. But sometimes Andy would reach the end of his rope and drop Louis to the ground, pinning the smaller lad. Andy would begin to ravage Louis with affection, roaming hands always revealing something, something Liam ached to see more of. And Louis would go soft, comply with Andy's desire. Public or not. Louis was never embarrassed of who he was. It was another part of what made Louis so very, very irresistible. 

Louis' lack of fear about who he was is what propelled Liam to think he could put aside his own fear after Andy's moving party. He approached Louis. He was thinking about Louis' lips, his cheekbones, his collar bones, the way his hands looked small, the way his waist was tiny, his...his everything. Liam had just become uncontrollably sensitized to everything Louis. It was no longer like when they were kids playing football four or five times a week. He had become intoxicating to Liam. A siren. Andy was gone. It was Liam's chance. Liam was going to ask Louis for a date. Put his doubt in himself aside. Just ask for a date. Maybe do school work at a cafe. Something subtle, simple and discrete. 

The "alleged crush" balanced Liam's self-doubt. It gave him some courage. But then Josh and Sandy joined him as they saw Liam going purposefully toward Louis. They never understood how two boys could be together. Never. It was easy for their coward hearts to over look Andy because he was so alpha, so manly, not one to bully. Now with Andy gone Louis was fodder for the their amusement because Louis was different than most. 

Throwing their arms around Liam's shoulders they whisked Liam along bantering about how it was obvious. Liam had something to say. Josh and Andy were certain what it was. They laughed, slapped Liam on the back encouragingly. They made homo debasing slurs as they flanked Liam in stride. It dawned on Liam they expected him to belittle Louis. And so Liam found himself face to face with Louis and the words that came out of him were not the ones he intended. 

That's how the bullying, the assaults started. As soon as Liam chided Louis, Louis snapped back. Liam had hoped that somehow Louis would see inside Liam's heart and realize that what he said wasn't what he meant. Maybe remember so much of who they had been since they were friends from very, very young. But Louis didn't take it that way and he unleashed a witty retort. Josh and Sandy pushed Liam on. Again Louis sassed back to Liam defiantly, smaller but no one's puppet. His words were razor sharp and hit the mark. That's when Josh and Sandy hauled Louis into a private spot and pushed Liam on, over the line. 

The first time Liam experience Louis on his knees taking his cock in, or as much of him as he could, Liam remembered the tears running down Louis face. Words Liam said to camouflage his real emotions as he simultaneously tried to gently stroke Louis' delicate face were words he was hoping Josh and Sandy would not interpret. A secret code. Words he prayed Louis would decipher the real Liam Payne emotions but Louis did not he only struggled against the abuse and chocked on Liam's length. From that day forward each time Liam made Louis swallow, Liam swallowed a bit more of his own self respect. This was who Liam let the crowd make him become. 

*** 

Standing before Louis following the last assault presented Liam with two challenges; how to take back so many mistakes that had taken things so far into unforgivable and Harry. Harry's change of position from coercing the bullying to aligned with his brother was a new twist that Liam was slow to mentally process. That was mostly because standing before Louis, Liam couldn't take his eyes off Louis to focus on much of anything else. 

The last time Liam saw Louis it was when three of them forced their way into Louis' mouth in turn. Never before had Josh and Sandy tried to use Louis. When they did there was a far bigger struggle than they expected. The reminants of Louis resistance were still evident on Louis face. Liam wanted to do anything to wish the bruises away. Wish all the mistakes away. 

Liam intended to apologize and maybe if Louis didn't spit back the apology, Liam would beg for forgiveness. But here was Harry, protective and completely different than he'd ever been before. 

Reality came into focus for Liam about the change. Liam spoke to Harry, not wanting his eyes to leave Louis' face. 

"Excuse me Harry, but are you seriously trying to defend your brother from me now?" 

Louis stared back at Liam's unwavering gaze. He saw the expression that was different in Liam. It was the first time in a long, long time. This Liam was reminiscent of the boy Louis had a crush on back before the bullying started. Louis saw that boy in the Liam standing before him now. He spoke to Liam with cool disinterest. 

"What do you want Payne?" 

Liam ignored Harry and thought of what he wanted; take back every forced contact, a chance to start anew, forgiveness. Yes, start with forgiveness, he thought. Harry seeing the hesitation in Liam stepped in a little closer to Louis. 

As Liam ran his options through his mind, thoughts muddled because, yeah, Louis was just that overwhelmingly desireable to him that his brain got distracted, Liam realized Harry shifted again, becoming impatient. Louis actually put a hand on his brother to still him because Harry was leaning in. In face of this united front of two brothers Liam went with the simplest reply. 

"Forgiveness, to ask for your forgiveness."

Louis responded with an eye widening, eyebrow raising look coincided with a snorted laugh of "Right". Then Louis saw the sincerity in Liam's eyes and braced Harry from moving again with another press of his hand which Liam's eyes followed. Liam's need to feel that hand was obvious. There was sincerity. 

Louis spoke again. He looked inspectingly at the strain on Liam's face and said, "I'll think about that. Might not hold your breath though." 

There was nothing in Louis' tone that said "forgiveness". The tone was more of a "eat the coals of hell" than forgiveness or "I'll think about it". Louis turned away and headed to the table where Zayn and Niall waited. He left Liam and Harry standing face to face. Harry had a steely glare leveled at Liam. 

"You're not to touch him, Liam. You're not to talk to him, don't look at him and don't even think about him. You're done, your dirt under his shoes." Harry said his last words with a move to set his physique close and imposingly to Liam. A year Liam's junior or not, Harry had begun his rapid growth into manhood. He used every bit of it to set up a intimidating front. 

For Liam there was so much that he felt enough deep inside himself that he needed to speak. 

"It was never supposed to be like this, any of this." He said without contention in his voice. 

"What the hell are you saying? What does that mean?" Harry snorted. He felt a growing urge to just punch Liam. 

Liam looked over at where Louis went to sit with Niall and Zayn. Then he looked over to where Josh and Sandy were, they showed no interest and weren't watching. Finally Liam looked back at Harry. Liam's brown eyes were sincere and a bit misty. 

"It was never supposed to be like that, to go like that..." Liam's voice broke as he looked back over at Louis who was looking the happiest Liam could recall in a long time laughing with Niall and Zayn. Then Liam returned to speaking to Harry. He began with a rhetorical question. 

"Do you remember when we were kids Harry? Years ago, just kids. I knew then that I had these feeling for Louis. He was so much fun. So good with the ball. So nice to me whenever I messed up." 

"We felt the changes, those of us older than you, earlier. Andy was the pinnacle of manliness way ahead of us all you know. He and the other boys his age, several of them always competed for Louis. Do you even remember that? Years ago? Those boys showing off to impress Louis? I knew I didn't have a chance. My feelings stayed hidden, feelings about Louis. I was okay just watching them, I think." 

Liam stopped again and looked at Louis. He wasn't sure how much he wanted to say. Harry seemed to be riveted, more for reasons of empathy than Harry would care to admit, so Liam went on. 

"I remember at Andy's party the way I felt this searing hot sensation like my skin caught on fire when Andy was knackered and began rambling about Louis. He so clearly wanted to keep Louis to himself. Take Louis with him. It's too bad that Andy was so horrible with how the drink affected him." 

"When Andy brought me into his rambling about...about how much he was going to miss Louis, telling us how Louis was such sweet fuck, bragging. I knew mentioned me by name because he'd realized that I had this secret thing for Louis. Maybe he was bringing up my crush to give me the courage, thinking it would make me brave if I knew Louis liked me too. Or maybe he was just bragging, setting me up. I didn't sleep after that night because I wanted so bad get back to school, to find out if I had a chance with your brother..." 

"but see Harry, I never had the courage. Never had it on the pitch, not like Louis or Andy did. Never had it in school. Never had it with my friends. So when I went to talk to Louis, two years ago, I got scared. Just like I did when things went wrong two days ago. I should have stopped Josh and Sandy, I just got scared."

Harry felt his hands were sore from clenching. He realized he wanted to punch himself as much as he wanted to cream Liam. Cowards. He understood not having courage, not being the brave one like Louis was. Yes, Harry understood. Liam was honesty expressing how he was sorry, weak, afraid. Harry looked at the strain in Liam's face. Sincerity was there. Self-loathing. These emotions Harry knew personally because he too had been living with them. Harry put his hand on Liam's shoulder and said, "Stay away from him. You will just stay away. He's mine to protect now."

Harry walked away wondering what he just said. Yes, he understood Liam. Being a coward. Embracing fear. Going with the crowd. But, like he said, Louis was his to protect now. If Louis would have him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is haunted by the fear that the plan left out what to do Friday after school. He realizes Louis could be in danger of further abuse at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a rush start to get the story wrapped up. Trying to get all the Harry loves Louis stuff in while completely overwhelmed. Shitty typos disclaimer.

Harry left school and headed to practice. They had a game on the weekend. It was essential practice. As he took to the field he became nauseous. So much so that he literally got sick in front of everyone. As he was bent over waiting for the waves to stop Niall came and put and arm across his back while offering a towel and some water. 

Hunched over the two talked. Their voices unheard by all standing sympathetically nearby. 

"You don't seem so good today mate?"

"No, not so good. M'just worried 'bout Louis. We didn't think through today, after school...what if my father goes home early Niall? He'll have an hour before the girls get home. An hour." Harry stopped and he wretched more though his body was beyond offering anything up. 

Niall rubbed his back and said in a whisper, "Go home now, it's that easy Harry. Go. You just tossed your lunch all over the field. Not one really wants you here like this."

Niall was right. The coaches couldn't get him off the field fast enough. Harry lumbered away with well wishes called after him. As soon as he rounded the corner out of their sight he felt much better. He ran for home. The nausea left as soon as he began his run.

*** 

The car in the driveway made Harry's heart clench. Their father was home. 

They were in the hall when Harry went upstairs. Louis was pressed up against the wall. Des was holding him there. Fingers of one hand were slid into the back of Louis tight jeans, another hand was on Louis neck and jaw. 

Louis' head was turned away so Harry couldn't see his face. Des was pressing his mouth on Louis' skin, on that insanely beautiful place just above the collarbone exposed by this hold. 

Harry made a soft throat clearing sound and Des leapt back away from his step son as if he'd been shot. Louis turned to see Harry and his eyes widened with surprise then he smiled a smile of relief crossing his face. 

"Harry." Mr. Styles said. He looked at Harry then glanced at Louis who dropped the smile the instant the older man's gaze turned his way. Mr. Styles looked back at Harry. 

"Harry. What...Harry? What, what are you doing home? You're at football, what, what are you doing here...now?" 

Taking the talk of failed eloquence, a sign of massive awkwardness, Des seemed befuddled. Harry held back from everything he wanted to scream and shout. He felt the rage and it made his face flush. The burn of his rage he could feel without even seeing his reflection to know the certainty of it. 

He slowly went up the final few steps to be on the same level in the hall as the other two. He looked at Louis who was clearly playing it so very, very chill. The plan. The safety of the girls. The success of in listing the authorities would depend on the computer, the illusion for Des that nothing was any different yet. Victims of abuse are too often made a further victim of all society because of questionable evidence. The victim was drunk. They dressed inappropriately. They danced suggestively. The had sex with someone else. They were immoral. Gay.

Harry ran his hand through his hair and talked in his normal slow speech, softly. "I, I ah, got sick on the field. Sent home."

He walked closer to the two and stopped when he was between them. Harry wanted to be between them. Needed to, in fact. "Must have gotten what Louis had. What were you doing? Father..."

Mr. Styles blushed and fumbled. He looked at Louis. The bruises gave him an idea. An idea that only a two-year-old would go for, but and idea. 

"I was just looking at these bruises on your brother. Concerned. Father's right. To look after his son."

Des should have stopped but he just kept going after that, rambling about needing to speak to the school, what's wrong with society, bullies with no consequences overwhelming the schools. He went on so much that he was greatly relieved when Louis interrupted and offered to take care of Harry, make him some tea. This gave the three of them a chance for all of them to head in separate directions. Louis to the kitchen, Des to his room, Harry to his.

Harry waited for his tea feeling emancipated. It felt amazing to do the right thing for the first time in years.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is pretending to be sick. Louis brings him dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's fluff at last!
> 
> Rapidly written typo-fluff.

The girls were home and Harry was up in his room pretending to be sick. It was killing him. He wanted to be with Louis from the moment he discovered his father holding Louis trapped in the hall. Instead he was doing his part to stick to the plan. He sat in his room listening to the voices in the house. The girls were energetic, happy for a weekend break, playing with Louis sounding much elated. Harry thought that somehow Louis sounded happier than normal. Maybe the afternoon interruption was giving him hope. He certainly seemed grateful when he brought Harry the promised tea. Unfortunately before they could talk much Des called Louis out of the room to "leave Harry to rest in peace".

A little later someone must have started dinner. Harry could smell meat cooking and was regretting "being sick". Hunger and boredom stirred him so he took his phone and called Niall to give him an update. 

Niall answered the phone sounding like he'd run to answer it. The hour was well past the time Niall would be just getting home from the practice so Harry was surprised Niall sounded breathless. Harry was just about to say something like "why are you out of breath" when it occurred to him. Instead he asked a different question.

"So you're not alone, are you Niall? You're with him, Zayn, aren't you?" 

Niall laughed his adorable laugh. Harry decided to keep his call short. A brief description of his timely arrival, crises averted. He ended with, "Call me later...unless this is a sleepover that I'm interrupting."

Niall laughed again. Harry tried not to think about who topped and who bottomed. Not his business. 

Surprisingly Harry found himself drifting off to sleep as he listened to the sound of his family; having dinner, after dinner movie on TV, getting baths while dishes were clanking through the process of washing. His ears were attenuated to the sound of Louis. Louis' voice, Louis making voices to humorously speak to the girls, Louis paraphrasing Lottie until she screamed at his incessant, but loving teasing. This was Harry's family. It occurred to him. Louis and the girls. That was family. His father? Well that was just a man who got his mum pregnant. 

***

Like a hiss he heard it. 

"Harry."

Again he heard whisperingly soft, "Harold."

Then he felt a warm breathe at his ear, "Curly, baby, you hungry?"

Harry hadn't heard the name "curly" for years. His eyes flashed open and he realized several things. It was dark. His room smelled like food. The voice was Louis'. And Louis just called him Curly. It was a name they both had forgotten, long ago cast aside like the friendship that once made them closer than brothers.

Harry sat up and as he reached for the light his hand touched the hand of another. Louis' hand. Again, a thing that had not happened not for a very, very long time. 

Harry's eyes adjusted to the light and he saw Louis was indeed there bearing a tray filled with food. Something on a bun, something green like it once had a life as broccoli, something yellow, sort of looked like corn only fat, disfigured corn, pudding and a banana. Harry went immediately for the banana.

"I'm sorry it is so late. He took forever to go to bed tonight. I think he's sporting a major boner since you interrupted his much delayed conquest with that brilliant maneuver. A minute later and...how on earth did you get the coach so thoroughly convinced that you were actually sick? He called here tonight to see if you were past vomiting. Did you really fake vomit to come rescue me?"

Harry looked at Louis. 

He looked so adorable. Like a mouse. Bright eyes and that smile. Just like Liam said. Just like Harry himself always knew. Adorable. His delicate hands set the tray of food down and he began talking with his voice still much in a whisper. Louis told Harry about the coach's call, their fathers frustration, how it was assumed Harry would not make the weekend game. To Louis this seemed some clever part of the plan that Louis had missed. Harry was simply his hero. 

Harry realized he stopped hearing the words and began to just focus on Louis' lips. Their pink perfection. The way they formed words. Harry wanted to kiss them, experience what they felt like. 

And Louis was shirtless. Just in sweatpants. They were loose, maybe they were Harry's, who could tell? The boys were always switching clothes. Harry was just passing Louis in size. Louis at seventeen had seemd to level off in growth upward. He was only changing in those curves of his which were uniquely Louis. Subtle boy curves. Extraordinary. Like he was made for sex.

What?

Harry shoved the thought back out of his brain. He interrupted Louis and asked having taken a bite of the thing on a bum that seemed like a sandwich, a hamburger maybe. "What the bloody hell is this?" 

Harry's tongue tried to flip the offensive food off it and he dropped "it" back on the tray.

Louis looked surprised. Not one to take any guff, he replied, "It's a hamburger you twat! What'd you think it was?"

Harry laughed. Louis looked honestly offended. Harry thought about telling Louis that ham-burger is not made from canned ham products with...was it relish? Whatever, it was truly awful. Harry looked at the broccoli like stuff, no. Not tying that. Worse than what old people eat in the retirement homes. The corn stuff? What was it? Yes. It was hominy. Ick. 

Harry ate the pudding from a single serving package, ripped off piece of the bun and returned to looking at Louis. 

Maybe it was that the bruises had turned and were fading just a tad. Maybe it was that Louis had sounded so happy tonight when Harry heard his voice echo through the house. It was the house he'd been assaulted in time and time again. His own home. Yet tonight the tide turned. And Louis looked really, really happy. 

It reminded Harry of the very first time they met. Harry was flattened in the pitch, out of breath. Out of breath? Or was it when Louis looked down at him, peering with a smile, his pixie like expression. The tilt of his head. Curiosity. And laughing as he welcomed Harry with no shaming for the embarrassing failing. 

Whatever it was Harry didn't want food anymore. He wanted Louis.

He slipped the tray off the bed and pulled Louis from the floor into his arms. It was surprising how light Louis was. He was a tight bundle in Harry's arms. Rolling them both onto the center of the bed Harry found himself laying on top of Louis and sprawling between Louis' legs. Harry was fully clothed having fallen asleep earlier with shoes and all still on just listening to his family. 

But Louis was half bare. And with Harry positioned on top of Louis his own body took over and Harry felt it. The dick twitch. The wanting. No, it was yearning. Definitely yearning.

Harry looked down glancing lower than Louis' laughing face and saw the nipples just inches from Harry's mouth. Tiny, pink, nipples. Perfect. Harry licked his lips and felt the twitch yield to a fuller sensesation.

Harry was so close to being swept up in the feelings that he seemed to almost fade into a fantasy. Or yes, he did. It was a split second drift. In his fantasy, Harry's lips went to Louis' nipples seizing them, sucking, teeth nipping. His hands pulled down the simple drawstring pants and he moved to trail kisses and suck marks voraciously moving to the very most sensitive spots, circling Louis' dick which leaked precum with the delight of Harry's touch.

"Harry!" the voice said in an anxious whisper for hushed attention. 

With that Harry was back in the moment. The here and now. He wasn't touching Louis in any way like his split second fantasy just played in his brain; they were just laying there, Harry zoned out in a dream, on top of Louis. Harry realized Louis brought him back to reality because he thought he heard their father. 

Harry focused his senses of listening as Louis press his fingers to his lips to say "Shh."

They both held their breath with pause and strained to hear. Water ran. Someone used the toilet. The house stayed quiet. And Harry was about to speak when Louis slid his arms around Harry and asked the unimaginable.

"Do you think I could sleep here? With you?"

Harry wasn't exactly certain he heard Louis, so he was slow, slower than usual, even for Harry, to reply. "Um, I don't really think..."

Harry was going to finish with, "that would be a problem" but his start was in the negative, the word "don't", proceeded by the stalling phrase of "um". So Louis was pushing himself out from under Harry and to his feet and very, very much clearly embassared. Heading to the door. 

Harry leapt up too. In classic form to Harry's natural state of clumsiness, he promptly tripped collapsing to the floor. He managed to get out a "nooo" in his descent. But face met floor with full force. He was immediately aided by Louis who was both concerned for his fate and worried about the house awakening thump.

"Fuck, Harry, you okay?"

Harry looked up. There it was again. The face. Always the face of concern. How had Harry ever let that reality be overshadowed. How? He pulled himself up. Taking Louis with him they moved back to sitting on the side of the bed when Harry tried again to speak and not make a complete idiot of himself. 

"I meant to say that it wouldn't be a problem. I meant to tell you it seems like I got a lot of sleep already. And I'm not too certain I won' wake constantly from here after. I just can't sleep knowing he might try to get to you."

Louis scrunched his nose with a crinkle inducing smile as he climbed fully onto Harry's bed beginning to draw back covers. 

Harry finished his words, started to remove his shoes. They were quiet for a few seconds then Harry added. "I maybe should mention something though. For about a year now I've been sleeping naked."

***

The boys slept. 

Harry was indeed naked. More than once he woke. Always he was vigilant about the idea that Des had gotten up and was going to Louis' room. It would be discovered that Louis wasn't there. The idea of it made Harry have a very sleepless night.

It didn't matter too much to Harry that he himself didn't get much rest after all the next day he could do what sick people do, sleep. Right now he didn't really need more sleep. What mattered was who was in his bed. He was pressed into Louis who was the little spoon, the curve his body formed seemed naturally contoured against Harry like this had always been. 

On occasions Louis would arch his back and press his bum into Harry. This seemed to coincide some mumbling, the happy sort, like Louis was dreaming. Was he? Was it Andy? The press of his bum into Harry's pelvis made Harry insanely hard. It took all of Harry's restraint to avoid the very least accommodation of wanking himself off while watching his brother sleep, lips parted like seconds before a perfect kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis are getting through the weekend, on day at a time.

it was Saturday and Harry was still pretending to be sick. He woke late having fallen asleep near dawn after a night of wakefulness that was caused by a fear that Des would get up in the middle of the night. Harry feared that his father would decide he could take his celibacy no more, trudge to Louis room discover him missing and, yes, then find the two of them together.

Though they spent the night together nothing between them happened. This was despite the stirring Harry felt in his core with Louis in his bed. Harry laid awake much of the night thinking about when he first had a defining feeling about Louis. It was a feeling that they were meant to be more than friends, different than brothers. It was when he saw Louis riding Andy. It sealed his hurt about Louis having been pushing Harry away, saying Harry was too young.

Harry's jealousy, that was the thing that brought this fate upon Louis. Harry saw Louis and Andy making love and he was jealous. Louis was right about Harry being too young. Had he been older he would not have made the mistakes, lashed out, but he did. Harry had been a young fool. A complete idiot.

His body told him that now. Louis sleeping in his bed had Harry in a state of semi every second. When Louis got up earlier the absence of his body next to Harry's let Harry drift off to sleep. They were another day closer to the last day Des could be a threat. 

The sound of Louis and the girls playing in their small back yard moved Harry to get up and go to the window. He watched and enjoyed the scene. It was one he was familiar with but it meant more to him now. Gone was his hate end he was able to enjoy being a kid again, just watching the others play.

***

Late afternoon Harry was bored senseless and hungry. He had organize everything in his room. His books, alaphbetically by by author, his clothes neatly, folded, sorted by season and color. Shoes lined up and polished. Even the paper clips in his desk were sorted so they laid in a tray oriented the same direction. It was not looking good for getting through more of the day with nothing to do. He thought about how when Louis was "pretend sick" it didn't seem to take this long for time to pass. 

He was thinking his stomach was particularly unhappy when he heard a tap. He went to the door although the tap sounded wrong for the door he went there nevertheless, and stood with his ear to it.

He heard a tap again. 

Turning Harry saw Louis outside at his window pointing to the lock. Louis was on the roof of the first floor and taping to come in. Harry ran to the window opening it and pulling Louis in in a nervous dash.

"What the fuck Louis! What? How? How the hell did you get up there?" Harry said with exasperation.

Louis was all smiles and casual. Like he'd just stepped out of some chauffeured vehicle at some awards show red carpet. Smiling. Pleased with himself.

"Seriously Louis, how you get up there?" Harry asked trying to sound less desperate but firm, caring.

Louis smirked a bit and touched the tip of Harry's nose with a tap of his finger and said, "Don't get your boxers in a twist, Styles it's nothing to climb up here. Used to do this sort of thing all the time over at Andy's house. And this house is much easier to climb than his was."

Louis made his remark as he walked to the bed a plopped down on it resting us hands behind his head with his arms over his shoulders. Cool confidence. 

Fuck, Harry thought. Louis was laying on his bed looking like...like... and all cool about climbing into a second story window and, and, well just like a fucking little god. Only not the kind of god you worship, but yes, some little god you serve because pleasing him, pleasuring him is what life is for. 

Harry was thinking this when Louis snapped him out of it by leaping up and heading to the window as he said, "Ooh, by the way. The reason for this near neck-breaking feat is not just social. I brought you food."

Louis passed right in front of Harry. Harry realized his olfactory sense took a hit of the scent of Louis which was near intoxicating to him following their cuddle the night before. He shook that realization off and watched as Louis pulled on a rope and started to raise something with it. 

Harry joined Louis at the window and sped the process along. 

"What the hell is this Louis? An anchor? It's heavy." 

Louis made a funny face at Harry's comment. "An anchor? No. But there is an eternity knot tieing on the basket at the end. Picnic basket. I made you lunch. And before you say anything about my cooking it's just a banana and honey sandwich and some oranges. Maybe some cookies if any didn't get smashed by the girls who were fighting over them. Youll be lucky if the bag isn't just cookie dust, pulverized by twins."

The two of them brought the basket in through the window and Harry enjoyed having a desperately needed meal while Louis stayed and talked as Harry ate. 

It had been forever since it had been like this. Harry remembered so many great times as friends before the outing.

It occurred to Harry to ask. Where was Des? Where were the girls?

"It's okay Harry. The girls are downstairs making bracelets and he went to the store." Louis said.

Harry though about it. The words. "went to the store". 

They were four ordinary words. Used everyday. But they weren't ordinary. Not to this family. Jay went to the store. She never came back. What if she has? Would it be deferent? It would have had to be. 

Like on cue, something in Harry's quietness the trigger, Louis jumped up and went over to the door.

He started to take the knob to turn it to leave when Harry stopped him.

"But wait! Aren't you doing this wrong? Aren't you supposed to climb back out the window?"

Louis laughed. "No, Harry, what do. Your think this is? Rapunzel? I'm taking the door. You know, a door. What normal people use."

Harry moved in to stand close to Louis at the door. In a way he stood to keep Louis from being able to open it. Then he leaned a bit. Not much, but a bit. Enough to make certain Louis felt his presence as intentional.

"Yeah, well I know what a door is for, normal people kind entry and all. It just seems you have a knack for the quirky way of making an entrance."

"Quirky?" Louis said looking at Harry's mouth as he spoke. His voice softening just a tiny bit. His eyes though. Louis' eyes definitely looked at Harry's lips. "No. It's not quirky Harry. It's just a really convenient way to get to your boyfriend's bedroom when his parents are home and you need to..."

Harry plastered Louis into the door where they stood with his tongue going immediately and unforgivingly into Louis mouth. Harry hit Louis with such force that he felt Louis exhale thorough the kiss. Winded by Harry's force. Harry's hands went immediately to Louis's body.

How did Louis do that climb wearing jeans so tight? Harry's hands were on Louis arse, running up his shirt. His kiss released Louis and he found that his lips were sucking the skin on Louis neck without his mind consciously instructing the act. Louis was whining and his one leg had slid up along side of Harry's body, arms had gone around the back of Harry's neck. Harry felt like Louis was climbing him, but then Louis began to wiggle, snake himself down and out of Harry's grasp.

Harry realized the whine had turned from a pleasure "yes" sounding thing to a vanquished, defeated "no, no, no" kind of thing.

Louis had released the door with a hand that was behind them where the embrace had occurred. The door popped open and he tripped back a step and said to Harry who felt like a vacuum sucked his life away from him with Louis withdrawal, "No, Harry, no. I'm not that person."

Harry felt the tingling on his lips. Tingling like he'd kissed the way he'd never kissed before. His heart felt some twist in in, like it had expanded and was now seized in some vice. He looked at Louis who stepped back again. And again. Louis stopped when he hit the wall behind him in the hall. Ironically it was about where he was when Des had him pinned and Harry interrupted them.

Louis looked bewildered. Words lost. For a moment he searched. Then his mind cleared and he looked at Harry and said firm and clear. 

"I'm not that person, Harry. I'm not the slut for everyone to use."

It seemed like Louis was going to say more. Maybe. Perhaps. But then the voices from downstairs alerted them that Mr. Styles was home. The girls were finished with what they were doing. Louis ran down the stairs. Harry was left standing by himself. Himself and his regret.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's calls Niall seeking advice.

"I know that Niall. I'm not an idiot." Harry said on the phone. 

But yes, actually, he was an idiot. What was he thinking moving into snare Louis in a clench? Talk about throwing the hero image out the window. 

Harry had called Niall about ten times already to talk to him about the stolen kiss. Each time he felt like Niall was really busy. This time it was late enough that surely Niall would be done with everything. Other than the big match what could be so demanding of his time on a Saturday. Then it occurred to Harry. 

"Niall is Zayn there again?"

Niall laughed and said a very non-committal, vague "Maybe."

"I knew it! Your parents are gone and your having sex-fest weekend aren't you?"

Niall laughed again. "There is nothing I can tell you about that Harry. It is true that there are no parents here. But that's all you get from me on the subject. If Zayn were here I would expect you would know he is a very private person."

"So let's get back to you. You and your Louis. M'thinkin' he's got to be very skittish about contact, he doesn't have a great record. One boyfriend followed by two wankers who take from him, yeah? And you said he used the word "slut". We heard Laim's references, "princess", "daddy". What else? You got to know he might take years to get any trust back."

"Pretty sure he needs time, trust and someone who wants to make him feel good, not just be sought after for being the hot-piece of arse that he is. You need to wank off so that cock of yours doesn't controlled your actions when your alone with him. Then try the approach of making him feel good. Do you know what he likes?"

Harry was nodding his head and listening. Time, trust, make Louis feel good. Wank off first. Don't let my dick drive the show. As Harry was thinking this through he heard Zayn in the background. 

Zayn said to Niall, "Tell Harry to rim him. Bet he'd like that. Or he could go the obvious route and suck him off. Harry's mouth was made for blowjobs so it's a win either way for Louis. But, no, rimming. Go with rimming. That's what I'd do to Louis if it were me." 

Nail was laughing and Harry had to interject that he heard all of that. So yeah, thanks to Zayn.

The three of them talked with Niall doing the conversation relay between Harry and Zayn. The thing Harry had to admit was that he didn't know how to rim someone. And he actually had never sucked anyone off either. The extent of his man on man experience was the threesome of himself, his dick and his hand. 

Once the shock passed for Zayn that Harry had actually only been with girls, he and Niall engaged in some tutorials. "Bottom line" Niall said with Zayn going into hysterics over the pun, "you should definitely take those long fingers of yours and go do some self experimentation unless you want to further risk ruining any chance with Louis. You've got nothing else to do while your playing sick. Go explore."

Harry agreed and was looking to see if he still had some lube in his room hidden away while he finished up his conversation quickly. He felt certain that the talk about sex had begun to affect the other two boys. 

Who was Harry kidding? The thought of Louis, exposed for him, had turned him into a hard, leaking mess. There was no time like the present to try this "find the magic spot" adventure.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ramification of attempting to passionately kiss Louis comes to Harry's room.

Harry was sleeping when he heard the tap on the door. Yes, this time it was certain, it was at the door. It was faint, but in the stillness of the house with all inhabitants sleeping there was no mistaking the origination of the sound.

He opened his door and there was Louis. As soon as the door opened Louis stepped in letting his glance leave the door to their father's room down the hall which he was clearly watching nervously. Louis slipped in and softly closed the door quietly as possible while pressing himself back against it. His hands stayed on the doorknob like he was ready to leave again as softly and swiftly as he came.

Harry was perplexed and trying conceive of what to say given this fortunate unexpected turn of events. Before Harry could, Louis spoke.

"I'm so sorry Harry. I didn't mean to say you were, I just, it's that..."

Louis was standing there trembling. Tears trailed down his cheekbones. He was biting his lower lip.

Harry felt simultaneous compelled to hold Louis and to run away. How did he play a roll in this? This unraveling of another human. Not just anyone, but one he loved from the age of five.

He took a deep breath and looked at Louis. Harry realized Louis was looking down and shifting his weight on his feet, he himself frustrated with the challenge of finding the right words. Harry was always the one who was so slow to speak. It was the natural way for him. Louis, in contrast was always quick and witty. This hesitancy was unusual. 

Harry reached out and slid his arms around Louis. Like two halves of a whole always meant to be they melded together. Louis reciprocated sliding his arms around Harry's waist. Their farces found the sides of each others necks and they inhaled the comfort of this binding together, each one's arms pulling the other closer. 

When they pulled a bit apart it was because Harry began walking them backwards his hands slipping to take each of Louis' and pull him along as Harry slowly made his way in reverse to his bed. At it's edge he sat. He remembered something from one of those brain numbing things they make teens do in school. Something about crises intervention with victims of rape and domestic abuse. He remembered that you never position yourself over a victim. You never invade their space. You become small and unthreatening. So Harry tried this.

Sitting on his bed he held the smaller hands of his older "brother" and he waited and listened. 

Louis looked adorable as ever. It was a cool night and he had clearly showered just a bit before. His hair was half dry and sticking every which way. He was in stretchy drawstring pants again and this pair were clearly too big. He had them rolled once at the waist and it barely helped snug them in. They were bunched at the bottom. His torso was bare and Harry could see the goosebumps on his smooth, golden, unrealistically beautiful skin. Louis bit his lower lip more still struggling for some words. 

Harry was going to have to do something about that lip biting thing. Maybe not now however.

"We need to have a few rules Louis," Harry began. "It needs to start with this. You don't get to ever apologize for what happened before now. Ever. You have no guilt, no failing. You have no responsibility in how debased people have treated you. Not me. Not Liam. And sure as hell not my father."

"Those things that happened, they are ours to carry the shame for. Not yours! You, you..."

Harry lost his words in the emotion that choked him. He stymied in his grief for his personal failing. Failing and falling mixed into one sensation. As he felt himself fall with the shame he realized he was indeed "falling" backwards, or so it seemed, like when your mind drifts into sleep and you have that illusion of dropping through space.

Then his mind caught the sensation. There was a light touch of a hand on his shoulder and it laid him back. The contact of Harry's back reaching the a bed clarified he was just taking a new position that Louis had pressed him into. And amazingly, Louis was crawling up over him, sitting on Harry's lap as he laid on the bed with his feet on the floor...and Louis was kissing him.

So this is what a passionate kiss feels like, Harry thought. Not as much the forceful, craziness that Harry had gone for in his kiss, but a mix of firm and soft. Depth and delicate. Yes. This, this is a kiss. And Louis was pressing onto him doing this. With hands in a Harry's curls. Pelvises in contact. The sounds. How were they defined?

Harry is running through a list of words to describe the sounds when Louis sits up and slaps a hand over Harry's mouth. He is alert and looks oddly like a meerkat perched looking for predators. 

Harry realizes that Louis is listening because of the startled fear that he might have heard Des. Both boys are momentarily frozen. Listening. 

The false alarm passes and the two are left with the adrenaline having broken the moment. They smile at each other. Sheepishly.

Then Louis blurts it out.

"I love you Harry. Love you. Always have."

***

It's that moment you always dream of. Yet Harry can't move. He can't think. He can't breath. What?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry shows Louis the collection of stolen tattered art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This prompt was written for lovely person who is a delight to produce it for. Very encouraging, very easy to please. But as I wrote this chapter I realized I owe the inspiration in here of Louis the artist to Karukara, one of my favorites on Tumblr and an amazing talent. There's been a lot of nonsense on Tumblr in the name of knowing what is true and was is not. And these people we write about or draw are not ours to claim. I hope this dedication reaches Karukara and brightens a battered heart.
> 
> Apologies, typos, lots of typos.

The confession from Louis was a complete surprise to Harry, a possibility he would have never guessed. How could that be? How? How could Louis love him. Why? But after they started talking Harry learned so many things about Louis feelings and experiences that he would never imagine. 

The two boys settled down more on Harry's bed after the confession from Louis. Harry new he needed to be gentle, proceed with caution thanks to a cluster of phone calls with Niall, Niall counseling him to control his hormones. 

"Do not go for the clench, do not go for the clench." Harry is silently thinking, recalling the important advice from Niall. Harry struggles to remain compassionate, but calm-passionate. Not allowing himself to slip into the excitement of fuck-louis up-against-the-wall-passionate is a huge challenge. Those loose sweat pants Louis is wearing, it's enticing. They have this annoying habit of sliding so low that the upper part of the curve of his arse cheeks is exposed. It's just right. Just, just right for teasing Harry's imagination. Who needs panties, Louis bum is made for worship regardless of the attire. 

Harry can only repeat in his mind, over and over again, "Do not go for the clench, do not go for the clench." 

Harry is himself stripped down to boxers and he is absolutely not, although it might seem so, but not, trying to tighten his muscles and keep them appealingly flexed. No. The flexing is just a coincidence. But Harry knows that he is looking more removed from childhood. In someway he feels like Louis is "aware" of him, his body. 

Harry decides to respond to Louis' confession in with a balanced reply. He isn't sure how to avoid saying something too weighted heavily with the leaping for joy reaction he feels. He absolutely doesn't want to sound discouraging either. Frankly, he still can't quite understand why. How could Louis have anything but hate for him? 

Clearly they didn't know each other. Not really. Harry went with that. A statement to that fact. From his carefully measured reply they began to talk. The first time in years they talked to each other about themselves. It was the first time they had really talked since Andy became Louis' boyfriend which Harry felt put a wedge between them. As they talked each learned more about each other. 

For example Harry never knew that the very first time they met, about ten years ago, before Mark and Jay died, before Anne left and two families merged, Louis had taken immediate notice of Harry when they were both quite young boys. It was like some magical force drew Louis to Harry. 

Harry had stepped out on the field of his first day of soccer, new to town, nervous and unathletic. He was promptly flattened by some of the other boys. What Harry never knew until Louis told him on this night was that Louis was closely watching him from the very first moment. Louis was captivated by Harry. It wasn't a crush back then. They were both too young. It was just that something made Louis immediately feel this other boy was a part of something he needed. Louis was the first to Harry's aid because before that collision happened Louis was already watching everything the awkward younger boy did and waiting for a chance to meet him.

Louis learned that Harry had started the process of being sexually active at an earlier age than Louis had. The real shock was to learn who was Harry's first. 

"Caroline Flack? Really? You mean Ms. Flack, the music teacher?"

Harry nodded and smiled. The entire school never had the slightest clue about the secret. Harry enjoyed the completely flabbergasted expression on Louis' face. 

"But Harry's she's old! Like 25!" Louis exclaimed. His mortified expression revealed how unappealing this concept was to a seventeen year old. 

Harry was considering going into the subject a but more. This time together of peeling back the layers of what they had been missing about each other's lives while living in the same house was a remarkable time of discovery. But then Harry considered what Louis had been through, sex with a person too old for him, forced, with the very man charged to nuture and protect him. Harry decided to turn to another subject he was certain was a happy one. Like Niall said, time, trust, make Louis feel good. 

Time, trusts, make Louis feel good. 

Harry's thought locked on the last part. Make Louis feel good. Louis was sitting on his bed looking like he just needed to be fucked. It was simple as that. Everything about him said he was designed for sex. None of the other boys had a bum like his. The way he was curvy and angular all in one form. His skin that looked like warming it just a bit would make him shimmer in some otherworldly way. His delicate hands, delicate bone structure combined with his muscular thighs. All that was screaming sex. 

Harry was thinking about the thing Zayn said. Rim him. Oh yes, Harry wanted too. He felt a proper boner starting with the speculation about doing it. Yet Harry was not feeling like Louis came back to be touched. The talking it was good. Louis learned which girls at school his younger brother had been intimate with, which ones were only spreading rumors to build their popularity. Interestingly, Harry had only been with the girls of the oldest class. And the teacher. Harry just seemed to like someone a little older. 

The feeling that the talking needed to keep happening lead Harry decided to wait on the rimming. After all it's not like there is an easy way to just jump into that anyway. Instead he decided to go to a subject he knew was a positive one for Louis. The first thought Harry had was ask something about Andy. But no, as much as Harry couldn't get that thing about Andy and the image of Louis in silk stockings affected him out of his mind, Harry wanted his question to be something that went deep into happy things from Louis childhood. Not something that muddled the lines and brought sex into the conversation. 

The shoes. Louis drew them contantly. The same type of shoes, espadrilles, which he ornamented with flowers, brightly colored flowers.

"Why Louis, why do you always drawl the same shoes? I've always wondered but been afraid to ask."

His question he was certain was brilliant Harry decided by the look it created on Louis face. Harry inched across the bed so they were closer. This habit of Louis' of drawling the shoes always eluded him. As much as Harry was known for bullying his brother at school, he was not alone in that. In addition to Harry, and Liam, Josh and Sandy, sometimes other random boys would tease Louis about sketching and coloring the shoes. Louis did it often enough that most classmates had passed his desk to see this behavior, sometimes in simple doodle form put to paper routinely. It would seem the easy thing to do was stop. Drawl something else. Anything. A tank. A car. Anything other than girly looking shoes. Drawling the shoes, coloring them, it was an invitation for someone to make fun of him. And he did it practically everyday. 

"My mum." Was the answer in two words.

"What? Your mum? What does that mean? I don't get it."

Louis took some time and he rolled to his back staring up at the ceiling. Slowly he began his reply.

"My mum." Louis said again. "She always loved pretty shoes. It's the thing I remember she always wanted to wear pretty shoes but being pregnant four times, working as a nurse, she never got to wear the kind of shoes that she liked. When I was really little I told her that I would be a shoe designer someday and I would make her comfortable, pretty shoes."

The answer seemed a happy memory and as Harry listened he felt good like he was successful in make this a trust-building, pleasant experience. Niall, and Zayn, would be pleased. Harry inched closer. Thinking this was good. Then Louis' expression faded from happy to less so. His eyes looked down at the bed cover like there was something interesting there when there clearly was not.

"I drawl them because it makes me happy. I think of her. It makes me feel like she's here with me. I feel like I could come home from school and instead of a box on the front porch delivered from some fancy boutique with panties for me to wear, instead, my mum could be here. Making cookies or something."

Harry saw Louis eyes start to water up and he felt this terrible foreboding urge to stop Louis there. He knew what was going to come next.

"When the things started to change at school after Andy left, and, you know, Liam and the stuff at home. I'd draw the pictures and it was just to make me happy, to have something that was me and her, but..."

Tears were streaming down Louis face and Harry sadly offered the completion of the thought, "but wankers like me take that away from you, throw your happiness in the trash."

Harry got off the bed suddenly running his hands through his curls and feeling his cruelty turning back on to himself. He felt this ugliness in his core that he never believed he would experience. How could he be that person? He glance at Louis who was watching Harry's undoing of himself and Harry couldn't believe that the way Louis looked at him was concern. Concern for Harry the monster who took the thing that made Louis feel his mum's love and crumbled them, ripped them, took them away from Louis. 

And there Louis sat with concern for Harry, not hate, in his eyes. The eyes that were full on tears. 

Harry shook his head in his disgust for himself and went to his closet. Opening the door he pulled a shoebox out from the bottom and brought it to the bed. He sat on the edge and didn't look at Louis who had moved closer to him with curiosity about the hidden box.

Opening the box Harry starrted to speak. He picked up a piece of paper that was more tape than paper. It was the paper that was the one on top but there were many many more much the same underneath it. This patched together paper was from the day that Harry interrupted Niall and Louis meeting under the tree on the the school yard. Many pieces of the original were missing, clear tape filled the gaps. It was Louis drawling of the shoes.

"I don't have every one I ever took from you." Harry said handing the taped drawling and the box to Louis who toke them with a look of awe and wonder. 

"It's funny that people never noticed for all this time that I was keeping the things you drew, but then Niall caught me the very first time I did that to you in front of him. He called me out on it. I always tried to keep what I took from you, even of it looked like I destroyed it, thrown it away, I always went back to the bin, or shoved bits in my pockets. I couldn't just destroy them and walk away. I don't know why. It made me angry because I wanted to hate you. Destroy everything of yours. I thought you destroyed my childhood."

Harry's self-induced pain was flowing from him. Louis was looking through the box and finding so many of the darlings were in fact saved like cherished love letters in this box. Louis was speechless. Harry wasn't done with what he needed to say. 

Harry face was blotchy from crying. Louis took the box and clutched it to his chest like it was precious to him, which it was. In the box was drawling after drawing, tattered and torn. Some more tape than paper, but indeed Harry had been saving them. Little bits of treasure, taken forcibly, representing Louis heart.

"You were right Louis to think I was too young. You were right. I was young and stupid. I thought you were gay and you wanted to be with our, my, my father. I thought you wore those, those panties to make him want you. I'd see the flowers on the shoes and I would think that you were wanting to be, for him..." 

Louis put the box down and wrapped his arms around Harry. His hands rubbed Harry tenderly and he pressed his mouth to Harry's ear and hushed he's sobbing. Then he whispered to Harry. 

"Curly, I knew you were too young to understand. And I knew if you learned the truth the pain of it would be too hard to take as well. I would have never told you the real way things happened. I just needed to get the girls away from him." 

Harry felt Louis' lips on his and the touch of it made his pain fade away. Into the feeling of the kiss his heart took it's refuge.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's gripping with the reality he's been ignoring with time passing slowly before he'll see his mum and, hopefully, end Louis' abuse.

Harry woke in the morning early Sunday. Maybe his mind was aware the time. Maybe it was aware that he was not alone; Louis was wrapped around him like a baby chimp. Arms and legs ensnared Harry. Harry wanted to lay like this forever. Des would wake soon. With that thought Harry started to try to wake the slumbering boy whose body was melted into his. They couldn't be discovered like this.

Waking wasn't easy. Louis nuzzled into him and seemed to repel wakefulness and pull himself tighter into Harry. Harry struggled with uncertainty. He wasn't certain what time it was when they finally went to sleep. It was proceeded by a long time of kissing and reassuring touching. Harry wanted this blissful feeling of morning sleepiness to continue forever. 

Naturally, conscious thoughts began their irritation and disturbed Harry into wakefulness. It was the same problems that were in Harry's mind before sleep took him. The thoughts were back for more tormenting; how was Louis bearing all this? How could he stand to be touched by anyone after what he had endured? Why did he have the capacity to love Harry through all the hate that Harry leveled at him? Beyond that Harry was asking himself if he deserved Louis' love? 

Harry struggled with reconciling his own behavior. It was more than Harry could grip alone. 

He decided he would check later to see if Niall and Zayn could come over. Niall seemed infinitely more wise although he and Harry were close in age. Zayn was just amazing with the life long challenges he'd faced like racism. Living with it every day he had some strength Harry realized he himself lacked. Harry hoped to invite them over. Maybe they could help him to navigate this, this undefinable hurt he'd brought upon Louis and himself. 

The restful breathing of Louis softly against Harry's neck nearly lulled Harry back into deep sleep. Hearing a click of a doorknob somewhere in the house launched Louis like lightening off the bed. One leap took Louis several feet across the room with panick. Louis' instantaneous jolt to fully awake surprised Harry but in that instant Louis was out of his reach.

Harry realized Louis was trained into things about their father that Harry never got a hint about. At the door of Harry's room Louis stood frozen listening to the sound in the hall. His head was cocked when a puppy hears a new sound. Louis' face told the story of what he was thinking. It was terror. 

Harry's rustling to leave the bed drew a fleeting glance from Louis in Harry's direction. The way Louis looked right at him but in his fear didn't see Harry showed the reality of how traumatized Louis was about being caught. Harry quietly crept over to Louis and put his arms around Louis standing behind him, chest pressed into Louis back. He said "shh" even though it was clear Louis wasn't going to make a sound. Harry just wanted to help him, assure Louis it was going to get better. With Harry's arms around the other boy he realized that Louis was trembling, almost perceivably. 

Louis did nothing in Harry's arms. Nothing. He remained frozen straining to hear any direct evidence of the route Des was taking. The subtle shaking, the coldness consuming Louis' body, the way his focus was riveted to listening with fear. This made Harry reflect on all the times he'd witnessed Louis bullied at school. He even thought about the last time he harassed Louis under the tree. He realized Louis went into this defensive behavior of shutting out, shutting off and just freezing. 

With arms still wrapped high around his brothers torso, Harry continued his hush as a calming whisper in Louis ear and he inched them closer to the door. He kept his grip around Louis tight. Harry was trying to secure, to hold together the person he realized now had been secretly breaking every time he was assaulted. Held secure in Harry's arms they both paused and listened right at the door. 

The sound of the bathroom door clued them to the place where Des would be. He was in the bathroom, good. Harry released one arm from around Louis and turned the door handle very quietly. They each peeked out to scan down the hall then Harry gently pushed Louis out and in the direction of his own bedroom and Harry himself went down the hall the opposite direction, heading to bathroom like Des had done before. Harry stood outside the closed door and watched as Louis slipped into his room, giving Harry a slight shy smile of gratitude before he disappeard. Harry continued to stand right at the bathroom door. It was Des who was surprised upon opening it to see his son looming right at the door when he prepared to exit.

"Harry?"

Harry looked at this man he didn't know and said in a solemn tone, "Father."

Harry seemed odd to Des. Cold. Nothing like the normal happy-go-lucky Harry. "Harry? Are you okay? You don't look good, still feeling pretty down?"

Harry pushed pass Des only stating that he felt "Completely different, thanks."

With that Des shrugged it off as teenage hormones. He went to Louis' door. It was quiet. He was considering waking Louis, but then girls seemed to be waking with a eruption of energy. Lottie and Fizzy seemed to wake each day with an issue of some sort. If Louis was still sleeping he would be out soon enough to begin to resolve it like Des never could. Des proceeded down the hall unaware that Harry was still just standing at the bathroom door and watching him. The question on Harry's mind, how had he never noticed?

**** 

"How could I have never noticed!" Harry was emphatically stating the question to Niall and Zayn who were seated in his room on this Sunday afternoon.

Niall and Zayn shook their heads, Harry was ranting and not pausing for an answer.

The three were upstairs in Harry's room. It overlooked the garden behind the house where Louis was outside with the girls. He was putting them through some of the paces with football drills. It was very same type of thing he did so much with Harry years ago when Louis had to give up playing. Today's game was more than just football drills; it was also some sort of game involving hula hoops. A mix of football and quiddich, something Louis had made up that the girls were loving. 

Harry went up to his room to have a private minute with his friends when they came by because the morning of revelations about Des was overwhelming Harry. In the early hours of the day he'd been witness to countless times when Des hovered around Louis. It was revolting that he hadn't been aware of this before.

There were so many things he could see now that he was observant. Had they always been there? Harry had been writing in his journal for years so he turned through the pages. He realized in this exploration that he had all the pieces of the story in his hands but he denied it. The drawlings were an example. It was not a huge leap to know that after Jay's death the significance heightened, the meaning deepened. After Andy moved away and the abused started the significance of the sketches grew even more. As Harry read his private thoughts from his earliest entries he gained more awareness for how much Louis meant to him. The love for Louis was his everything. 

Harry reviewed his chronicles and saw how his view of Louis changed more than Louis himself did. As Harry matured things started to bother him surrounding Louis. Harry the significance of the timing of these changes in himself represented childhood friendship morphing into romantic yearning. A desire he needed returned. He read on and saw that with his entries about Andy something very different about himself, his own attitude. There was blatant jealousy in the pages of his journal. A comment he wrote when Andy first came into the role of Louis' boyfriend was so alarming that Harry had to throw his journal across the room because his own words stung:

"That idiot boy Andy was here for hours demanding all of Lou's attention. He is so needy. He looks all big and fit, but he is always expecting Louis to just pay attention to him as if we "little kids" don't matter if he comes over. At least Louis can shut him up. He has some code word that makes Andy get flustered looking. I don't know why. Louis says "silk stockings" and Andy leaves, usually sputtering about Louis being a tease. I don't understand them."

Harry read that passage to Niall and Zayn and said again, "How could I have never noticed? I have these things about everything that has happened, in my hands, written in my own hands. The thing with Andy that Louis told us about, it's in my journal. I was too young to understand what they were joking about, but it's in there. There's tons of stuff in there that when I read it I realize how I was being a complete baby, jealous, a stupid prat. And just watch my father around Louis! It's like he's half hard if he looks at Louis or gets near him at all. How can it be it's never occurred to me before? Am I that stupid?"

Zayn decided rhetoric or not, he'd answer. 

"Mate. You might want to consider that your dad is more obvious to you today because we know he went without, so he's feeling it more. And yeah, you are actually stupid, and cruel, and a complete twat for the things you've done, but that can be the thing that you can change in who you are from now on." 

The day lazily passed into the night. Niall and Zayn stopping by provided an obstacle to the normal routine slight enough that during the day things happened that were a help to the larger plan. 

Foremost, there were two extra sets of eyes around and unbeknown to Mr. styles they watched him. He was not aware but when he brushed up against his step son, casually, innocently...innnooocccenttly, as they got a meal together his contact was observed. Maybe the girls were too young to notice, but Zayn and Niall were not. 

They also were there to give Harry support. Harry too was seeing things anew. The only time Louis was free to be who he really was would happen if it was free of their father. Then his face lite up, his spirit slipped out and he was free.

When Zayn and Niall left as darkness approached, Louis was getting the girls to bed. Mr. Styles was doing the dishes. The three boys talked for a moment on the front steps before Zayn and Niall walked home. They were kind. More kind than Harry realized with new clarity he deserved.

"One. More day Harry, one more day, right?"

They looked optimistic and hopefully at Harry. Harry thought about their comments through the day. "One more day. Get evidence to Anne and her barrister Monday and on Tuesday the nightmare ended." 

Harry watched his friends as they left. He noticed they made just a short way down their path before they stopped and embraced. Their perfect romance made him smile. Then with a deep breath he entered the realm he'd created. One more day.

***

It was past midnight when Harry slipped out of his bedroom. He made his way to Louis' room and paused at the door. It was quiet. He open the door careful of the latch clicking which seemed incredibly loud in the still of the night. 

Opening it it stepped in and went to Louis' bed once the light allowed his eyes to adjust. Sitting on the bed he reached for Louis. Harry was so certain that Louis would jump, or scream, but he did not. He rolled over and whispered Harry's name only he said the long unused nickname "curly" instead with a reach of hands to find Harry.

Harry whispered a reply, "yes, it's me, Curly" and he followed the lead of hands pulling him down. His lips were met with those he was needing. A Louis was so pliant yet directed in his kiss. Harry fell into it and it was morning before he realized he had spent the night again with Louis, a mix the two of them. Arms and legs.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is to sneak off to a secret meeting with his mum and her barrister. He gets the idea that he can romantically cure Louis of the past and has the best intentions when he brings back gifts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hard to summarize this and challenge to write because it was busy work for me to put all the staging together for the conclusion. Hope it's readable because I'm having a hard time getting a feel on this chapter.

It was Monday and the six kids were out the front door as Des was just pulling the car out to head to work. The morning routines were ordinary for the day. It was standard that often the group would head in the direction of the schools together. Usually once the girls went their separate way the two boys parted as well. Usually. That is when Harry was living the lie he'd created the lie that fueled his hate. And that was before the recent events showed him his errors. 

On this morning Harry and Louis reached the juncture where the girls would go one path and the boys the other but Louis announced he wanted to walk his sisters the entire way. This was not unusual. If one of them was worried about something they faced in the day ahead Louis would sometimes give them extra assurances by taking few more minutes of travel time to walk with them. The decision to walk them further this morning was to make certain that they wouldn't notice that Harry turned to take different route entirely, away from the campuses, ditching, his secrete mission to meet with his mum and her barrister.

The four girls seemed to be oblivious to the nervousness Louis displayed or the excitement that Harry showed. Harry was trying to grasp the emotions of seeing his mum for the first time in a decade. Louis gave Harry smile that barely masked his doubts as they parted. In Louis' guarded expression was a mix of emotions; hopefulness and fear. Harry felt this plan of salvation was a beginning. He tried to smile back to his brother with confidence and certainty. He wanted to communicate a feeling of strength for Louis. Everything would be better. Harry knew it. 

Harry parted from the group. Seeing they were not looking back, he picked up his pace and ran to the station thinking only of the meeting ahead. 

It was ironic riding back from the meeting that Harry barely remembered the route to the city. Clearly he had been so filled with excitement of the impending meeting that he wasn't really seeing the sights along the way. Now however, he was so much more relaxed. And optimistic. He daydreamed. 

Years ago his mum left to assure that child abuse didn't happen and her plan had failed, but Harry felt certain that this one, this grand plan, would not. There would be people going to see Mr. Styles at his work. They would bring an injunction restraining Des from any contact with the six children. Temporary custody would be given to Anne with a permanent settlement certain to follow. Harry thought about what it was going to be like, to have a mum again. For Louis to be safe, all of them, safe. He smiled lost in the daydream and his hands mindlessly played with the bags he carried.

Reaching his stop Harry disembarked and started to walk towards home. It was half an hour from when the upper levels were released at school. He'd be home before Louis which was perfect. In the bags he carried were a couple gifts he wanted to sort and repack to arrange in a surprise. 

Harry formed a romantic scheme for how he'd welcome Louis home. He'd share the details of what was going to happen the next day and with the gifts he would begin anew. From here on out Harry would try to undo all the ugliness and all the wrong heaped onto Louis. He still wasn't sure how Louis was able to take the abuse for so long. The questions the consulting experts asked Harry earlier with Anne suggested Harry was still very naive. Protected, insulated, naive. Harry thought the irony on that was that if that was true, that he was insulated, it was because Louis was protecting them all. The way he never let on what was happening allowed Harry to stay a child.

Harry decided he could take take each horrible experience and through his love they would be erased by positive ones. Even if it took a thousand times over to erase the scars, Harry would try to do that. Louis would no longer come home to gifts he didn't want. Harry wanted to take over with leaving Louis little things that would make him happy. Surprise gifts would become something special and welcomed. He'd make Louis strong. 

Harry sat on the steps after he removed shoes from their ordinary box, sorted the items to create a single pretty gift bag with a layer of the two gifts neatly arranged. Harry knew the shoes would be a delight for Louis. He'd love them. Vans with assorted flower designs, all imaginable colors, almost exactly like the ones Louis drew. 

The stockings though, would Louis think Harry was too sappy? He was going for romantic but it occurred to Harry that he didn't know much about romance. Not from his own experience so he was borrowing an idea from Louis and Andy.

Sitting and waiting, check the time on his phone Harry became more nervous. His father knew Monday was not a practice day. He wouldn't leave early to come home for a "playdate" with Louis. It was safe to wait for Louis, for them to have an hour maybe a few minutes more alone before their sisters came home. Wasn't it? But Louis was late. He was always home in 15 minutes. Less if he ran. 

It was unusual for this, now twenty minutes, for a Louis to take this long. Harry fussed, and sorted the gifts, and fluffed the tissue paper. And waited. 

Patience wearing out, Harry was compelled to walk back toward the school hoping to see that Louis was coming. Harry stopped when he saw them, frozen with fear.

***

Harry looked down the street and was stunned with disbelief. Stopped on the sidewalk talking through an open window to a person sitting in their car was Louis. The car? Their father's. Harry's heart raced. Des had left work early and had intercepted Louis as he walked home. Harry was stunned. And fearful. 

Harry was trying to decide what to do. If he ran from the direction of home toward them as he started to do it would be clear that he was already home having ditched school. If he waited what would happen? Harry saw the driver's door open. Des was getting out. Louis was backing away from the car. That was all it took, damn whatever consequences Harry started to run. He had sprinted a few steps when he saw Niall and Zayn coming the same direction from school as Louis. They approached Louis which made Des back off and returned to the car. 

Harry stopped. He could see there was some hesitation of the three lads, all addressing Des, then the car pulled away taking a turn to travel a route most likely back to work. The three pedestrians started up the sidewalk toward Harry and home. Crises averted Harry turned and ran back to the porch, made sure the gifts were obvious and went inside the house to wait.

The voices at the porch were interrupted in their stream of conversation as they reached the front stoop and, Harry guessed, the gift bag. Harry was standing where he could just see their outlined through the shear curtain, hear some of their words, and it hit him. Given the near unfortunate encounter minutes before Louis would think the bag was left there by Des. Harry was kicking himself. His romantic intentions were turning into a horribly conceived unintentional disaster. 

Indicating how true that was Louis came inside, the three lads having said their farewells. The instant he closed the door, before he even realized Harry was standing there, Louis threw the bag across the room hitting the wall on the opposite side of the house. He then jumped in fright because a figure was standing in the house he assumed was empty. 

"Oh Harry! Fuck, you, you scared me."

Harry went to Louis putting his arms around the surprised lad. His rapidly repeated string of "sorries" were pressed with kisses into Louis' hair then a few were placed on his neck. As he clung to Louis offering his apology he felt Louis pulling away to look at the bag and it's contents now spilled laying on the floor.

"What, what is that?" Louis said with a stammer.

Harry looked at his gifts and he pulled Louis by his hands to the sofa across the room. Fearing the naiveté of his blunder he wanted to remove Louis from the offensive items. 

"That, that, that's a gift from me actually. I meant to...when, um. Okay so after the meeting I had time to go shopping and wanted to get you something."

Louis was staring at the bag like it was a demon. A troll. A horrible thing. Yet the launch across the room revealed the bag included shoes, floral patterned shoes. Louis was just staring at the disshoveled clump like it couldn't be trusted. Harry thought maybe Louis was also trembling the tiniest bit. 

Harry pressed his hands on Louis as he said "stay" and then "let me show you" as he stood up. He went to retrieve the bag and brought it over. Louis still looked at it suspiciously like it was most certainly some horrible offense. 

Harry took the shoes that were freed from the tissue and held them out to Louis. 

"Look, see. Just shoes. Shoes. For you. Kind like those espadrilles you like to draw. Only, these are just Vans."

Louis looked at the shoes and then his blue eyes looked at Harry's. Tears were filling Louis eyes turning them bluer and bluer, more than any ocean paradise sea. He took the shoes and the tears fell. Harry felt his heart collapse, it wasn't supposed to make Louis feel like this. No, not like this.

Louis pulled the shoes to his chest and he tucked his knees up creating a tight ball to his form sitting on the couch and the tears kept falling. Harry was so confused. Louis liked the shoes? He hated them? They hurt him somehow? He wanted them? Harry just couldn't register what Louis was feeling because he was just crying with barely audible hitching sounds and tears. Tucked into a ball, clutching the shoes.

As he watched this unfolding it made Harry understand a little more from the meeting earlier in the day. The people the barrister brought in to witness Harry's statement, look at a sample of the type of evidence on the pin drive were experts. These experts in child abuse asked "around" a lot of things as Harry shared evidence. They backed off many times because Anne was clearly wanting them to be careful in how they addressed Harry so early in the reunion and intervention. Concerns were underlying their questions, that Harry understood, concerns for Louis and about how fragile he might be. But Harry didn't understand until now just how easy it was to trigger the damage. Louis was very much morphing into the same traumatized boy he and Niall discovered in the lockeroom after the assault by Liam, Josh, and Sandy.

Harry wrapped his arms around the balledup Louis and picked him up from the couch. He brought the shoe-clutching Louis up the stairs. The bag which still contained the stocking was left on the floor. Harry just wanted to get Louis away, or to someplace. He wasnt sure what to do. He needed to stop this hurt he caused because he could feel in Louis' shaking that there was stuff in Louis that was ripping him into pieces.

Carrying Louis to his bedroom they collapsed on the bed Louis was still clutching the pretty floral shoes.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry convinces Louis to show Harry his body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a total shit, could not get it all in one. Sorry. But yeah, smut part one.

Laying on the bed together Harry tried to rethink his strategy. The timing of Des, an unexpected caveat. It was certainty no help. Why did Des leave work, Harry thought, but then he knew why. He was hungering for Louis. And took a chance. Harry wanted to know what happened before Niall and Zayn fortuitously happened along, but no, not going to ask now. 

Harry's mind went through an entire list of other questions. Were Niall and Zayn following Louis because it was just them being helpful on a stressful day? Had they been engaged in running interference for Louis at school all day? There were so many questions. But the shoes...Louis was still clutching them even though he was crying. 

Harry put his hands on Louis' face and tried to sweep the tears off his face as they spilled. He hushed Louis softly and asked, "The shoes, do you like the shoes?"

Louis seemed arrested trying to think of his words. His tears seemed to wane and he took a couple breaths then held them out just enough that he could see them clearly. It was as if he'd never seen shoes before and the he replied with strained frailty in his voice.

"Their beautiful. Just beautiful."

Harry smiled and was going to say something about how he saw a pair that a boy was wearing which led him to finding them, but then Louis went on.

"Maybe they'll make me feel less like an ugly, useless ..."

"No!" Harry shouted and put his hand on Louis mouth, gently but firm enough to gesture the destructive words could not be spoken. "No, I mean don't. Don't talk like that about yourself. You are beautiful in every way imaginable. There's no one who is as opposite of ugly as much as you!"

Harry climbed over Louis marking sure not to make him feel trapped underneath and began to kiss him. The shoes fell from Louis' hands and slid to the floors with Louis laying on his back yieldingly. The two gave themselves to the pleasure of the other's lips.

Harry had distractions in his mind, concerns about where his father had gone when he abandon plans to pick up Louis. And what where those plans? Bring him home and fuck him? But Harry found he could only concentrate on the feel of the kiss which Louis was deepening. His tongue was in Harry's mouth and it was taking Harry into a fervor on need. Harry's skin felt Louis' touch. On his back, nails gently scraping skin, hands moving so fingers could squeeze Harry's biceps, next one hand slid to Harry's chest and grazed a nipple. 

Harry's clothes were challenging his sensations to feel the touches with the intensity he wanted and too much restricting Louis' roam across Harry's body. 

With a flash of speed Harry sat up and pulled his shirt off then fell back into Louis' grip and returned to the passion. When Harry deliberately thrust his tongue back into Louis mouth to make up for that second off loss contact he elicited a moan from Louis. Harry realized he'd had put one hand below and rubbed across the front Louis' jeans.

Yes, Harry thought, he moaned for me. This was a first. After the moan escaped him Louis spoke. 

"No Harry you're beautiful. So beautiful. You don't understand. Some of us, we need, I need, to be wearing something to make me pretty. I'm not like you. You're so perfect."

Harry sat up and looked at Louis. 

His eyes were intensely blue like pristine pools. Though he'd been crying, his nose was just child-like cute, even more so at this moment because it was tipped with the tiniest blush of pink. His lips, normally pink, were red and Harry realized it was somewhat from the kissing but then Louis was doing that lip biting thing again as he was seeking acceptance. Louis had cheekbones that made Harry feel like his own cheeks were too full of baby fat because in Louis you could see his fine bone structure. Then there was his eyelashes. Harry didn't even want to think about them. How the would feel if they fluttered on skin. Right. Then there was his step brother's flawless skin. Why did Louis always look like his was smooth and kissed by the sun, why?

Harry was going to say something about how pretty, how beautiful Louis was. Argue the point. Then he remembered words for his father, "Daddy's princess is so beautiful" and words from Liam, "so pretty, always so pretty." 

Harry thought back to the meeting earlier. The questions that he knew his mum felt were to be reserved for another time, themes too sensitive to pressure her son with on the cusp of something like this intervention. Harry was developing a deeper understanding. 

So Harry smiled at Louis and cupped his face. He let his fingers offer gentle strokes across those cheekbones. He spoke slowly, more than his normal paced cadence and said, "Never wear anything to make yourself pretty or beautiful because it's impossible to improve perfection. I think you're gorgeous with nothing but your skin" 

Harry kissed Louis to seal the words. When he felt Louis' kisses responding with increased confidence. It was a risk, but Harry interrupted the kiss and made a bold request. He asked for something he'd not seen in years.

"Louis, I want you to show me yourself, your...if you want, show me your naked body. Please."

Louis had alarm in his eyes. But it softened soon when Harry repeated the "please".

***

Looking deep into Harry's sea of green Louis took the opening Harry gave as Harry moved off of him. Louis began to take some clothes off. Shoes, came off easy. Shirt, easy. After all, he'd been sleeping for several days pressed into Harry without one. With his pants he hesitated. The stare into Harry's eyes for support broke and he looked away and down.

Harry slid off the bed and was sitting on his heels on the floor. His hands had stayed in contact with Louis so he came to be seated between Louis' parted legs, on the floor, hands remaining on Louis' thighs but looking up from a nonthreatening position. He hoped he looked nonthreatening enough. 

Louis bit his lip again. He looked to the side. And down. 

Harry ran his hands along Louis' thighs. So much of him wanted to squeeze them, to press Louis down and pull the jeans off himself in a swift passionate flash. But no.

Louis was sitting there at an impasse. More lip biting. 

The thing with the lower lip, it made Harry want to be the one biting it. When he realized that thought was overwhelming his mind Harry looked away. Unfortunately his eyes sought Louis' nipples. 

The tight little man breast and the tiny pink nipples called to Harry like some siren of pleasure to be licked, squeezed...and bit. 

No, Harry thought, look away from the nipples. And as he was trying to think of where to look, where to safely direct his attention as to give the idea that Louis was a beauty to look at without any props but also to look at him in a manner that didn't make Harry overwhelmed with want to suck skin or bite flesh. That's when Harry heard the fastener and zipper of Louis' pants.

Harry gripped. Oops. Lost his control, Harry thought, let go of those thighs. 

Louis hesitated and Harry felt his brain spin. It had to be quick. He'd just squeezed the thighs of a very fragile person. He had to think quick.

"Wait," Harry started with just enough quickness to seem like a spontaneous thought and not wrought in cause or a trigger for more self doubt. "All of this, anything, everything has to be your choice. Okay? Nothing is because you think anyone needs anything except what you choose. You feel good about it, yeah?"

Louis hands were froze on his pant's zipper and he looked at Harry. Something in his eyes said he was determined. Harry knew that Louis. It was the determined little boy who always played with such intensity of the pitch that he excelled and had to play with the older boys. And boys much more advanced and powerful. Like Andy.

Louis nodded his head, a wave of relief crossing his expressive face. Then he unfastened his pants and wiggled them down. Something seemed to suggest to Harry that he could assist. Louis always wore such tight, bum hugging pants. The jeans came down with their combined efforts and Harry discarded them to the side of him on the floor at Louis' feet. There was a pair of panties caught up with them. Pants and panties on the floor as a unit.

There Louis was. Nude. Perfect. And blushing. Biting his lip. 

Harry felt his body responding. There was no going back from it now. This bronze pixie sitting disrobed for his inspection before him, nervously biting his lower lip with eyes questioning yearningly. This was beyond a fantasy for Harry. Louis was exquisite; his body was tight, with such curves that defied the ordinary. He had these angular cheekbones and collarbones making defining lines of structure. Yet his arms had these shapely muscles that were lithe and gracefully curved. His torso overwhelmed Harry because the tiny man-breast gave way to the nearly countable series of ribs which Harry could imaging one could feel individually when resting hands on them holding Louis as he rode on his partner. Then the soft belly blended below his tiny waist into the swell of his hips, that bum, the line of the curve to it was a true arc of perfection. Which god created that? 

All of that was in Harry's head as he returned his hands to Louis thighs and tried to derail his list of "what makes Louis beautiful", straining to keep his hands his hands restrained from the desire to squeeze muscular thighs. 

Harry smiled. He was so afraid of the words he wanted to say. So, so very afraid. There were so many that were just everyday words and now used with Louis, about his body, about his intimacy, they had more meaning. Meaning of hurt and ugliness in ordinary, "harmless" words. 

"I know what your thinking Harry. I need to put them on. So I can be pretty."

Louis was looking at the pants. With them laying on the floor was a pair of panties that were shiny royal blue. An ideal shade on Louis' skin. They were silk satin. Along the edge was a scalped effect. On a bum as perfect as Louis' they would be unbelievable. But no. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My brain keeps having Des skulking around. Maybe it's because I'm reconciling Harry, maybe because in the real world Louis wouldn't have as easy a happy ending. Idk. I'm annoying myself.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These were dangerous emotional waters he waded them into. Go slow Harry thought.

How could Louis say that? Why would he? Harry realized Louis was looking down at the panties and feeling conflicted. He'd grown accustomed to them. Been taught to believe they were necessary. Dress like his daddy's princess. 

Harry kept his eyes diverted away from Louis' cock. He saw through his peripheral vision that Louis was flaccid, or had a slight hint of a semi at best. Nothing like Harry himself who felt his own jeans painfully securing his engorged member like a metal vice. Louis hinting that he needed the panties to look appealing made Harry decide he should go with extreme caution. These were dangerous emotional waters he waded them into. Go slow he thought. 

Slow. That was not what Harry wanted to do. He understood finally that what he always wanted was his problem. His desire. The way Louis affected him, it was the propulsion behind his role in the bullying at school. 

Facing that he needed to own up now to his own desire when Harry actually wanted nothing more than to take Louis was a major revelation. Harry yearned to lick Louis' flaccid penis, feel him enlarging as he sucked him, make him a writhing, begging mess. Then he wanted to fuck him. Fuck him hard and deep. Banish the images of Louis riding Andy or Des from his memories replacing them with his own, better memories. Yes, that was what Harry wanted. 

Louis was stilled, looking at the floor, eyes fixed on the royal blue of the barely there silk. How obscene they must look on Louis. And what about the silk stockings they left in the living room below? Those stockings on Louis' strong thighs. More fantasies fueled Harry's arousal. More arousal meant more discomfort in Harry's pants. He had to act. Focus on Louis, suppress his lust.

"Louis, loulou you got to trust me. Nothing can add to your, your, perfection. You need to let me show you, yeah?"

Harry cradled Louis' face with his hands and began kissing him. He once again slid over his step brother who submissively laid back under his direction. 

He was careful of Louis, not fully allowing his weight to press the other lad constrictively under him, as he kissed him deeper and ran his hands over smooth skin and firm, slender muscles. He sensed that Louis was still very distracted, maybe, still considering if he needed the panties. The scars, though they were invisible, were deep.

The conflict that was in Louis' head was more than Harry could understand of what was safe to do. He wanted the conflict to release Louis and so Harry decided to keep his focus on actions that clearly showed Louis that he was perfect to Harry, with all his little things. He liked touching with a free hand the soft spot of Louis' belly. It was such a contrast to his anglular bone structure and his lithe, firm muscles. Harry considered he would enjoy putting whispery kisses there, below the waist where a happy trail would be. 

Harry moved down Louis' body to kiss this spot and observed more closely that Louis maintained a shaved style of grooming. Truly a proper twink. He also observed that Louis' cock was still barely a semi. It concerned Harry. Louis was so constrained. 

As Harry lips made their way slowly across the soft belly, kissing the skin, wanting to have more, he again felt the tightness in his pants. The joke around school was that Liam measured 10.2 in US inches. Harry was himself nothing too much shorter than that. His equipment, the entirety of it was pinched, too painfully cramped in his own tight pants. 

With the discomfort reaching unbearable Harry broke off from his task and sat up a bit cautiously asking, "M'not wanting to suggest anything by this, but Lou, I need to loosen these jeans up before I damage myself."

Louis looked at Harry and nodded his head affirmative enthusiastically. It was then that Harry realized Louis looked flushed. His cheekbones were red. He glowed a little more than normal. His penis may have been still more or less something slight of completely flaccid, but his body, his face, was blushing with Harry's efforts. 

So taking the nod as a yes to unfasten Harry tugged at his pants only to find the tightness had made the unfastening a challenge. He barely notice that Louis shifted to the one side then moved back to his original position when Harry got his pants free. Unzipping them enough to avoid the feeling of potentially permanent dick damage he looked at Louis again was surprised. 

Louis had reached down and managed to grab the floral vans as Harry fussed with his own pants. Louis held them in one hand. There was an embarrassed hint of a smile on his face and a quizzical look. He asked Harry, "Would you please let me wear these? Let me do something to make me pretty for you?"

***

Harry's heart seared with the pain of it. Did he just say he needed to make himself pretty? Harry's brain seemed to scroll through a thousand responses leaning on the lessons he'd been learning recently; the meeting with the uncomfortable questions his mum curtailed, the talks with Niall and Zayn. Even the mistakes he made such as the experiences of bullying Louis, watching Liam, his father, even the glimpse of Andy with Louis all ran through his mind. This wasn't easy. It was never going to be easy. Not for either of them he realized. 

In a split second Harry had his reply. 

"I'm not going to tell you what you can do. Or what you can't. You are perfect. I want to make you feel good. I'm not fucking you, or asking you to suck me off. Um, well, not that you're not gorgeous so much that it hurts to be around you and not be doing that, those things, um...with you, but..." 

Harry stopped and was now the one biting his lower lip and trying to keep his momentum of resisting temptation in the forefront. It was hard. But he he had Louis' attention. 

"Put them on if it pleases you. I'm just here to make you feel good. I'm asking...I have no right, but I'm asking you to trust me."

Louis smiled and he slipped the shoes on. 

There he was laying completely naked except for a pair of floral vans on feet that with bent legs were flat on the bed. Harry laid between Louis legs and stared at the face of this beautiful, beautiful boy who seemed truly happy with just the addition of a whimsical pair of shoes. The rest of him was still exposed. But he was happily looking off to one side then the other and taking in the shoes. 

As much as he tried to resist, Harry laughed despite himself. 

Louis turned his gaze into a glare and snapped at him a retort like the Louis of old, "What? Don't you like them? I think their perfect."

Harry discerned the teasing and was encouraged by this sass, the first sign of the boy he fell in love with, the one who coiled his boyfriend and the other would be suitors around his little finger. Here with the shoes on his feet, otherwise completely nude and exposed, was a tiny sliver of that same boy.

Harry asked a bold question. Seeing this transformation come over Louis he wondered about the other part of the gift. Would it bring more of this Louis out, or would it haunt him like the panties? 

"Louis? Would you tell me about the joke you used to make with Andy. The way you would say a word or two and he'd just leave all flustered. Could you tell me about that?" Harry asked with a held breath following it. He new the words were "silk stockings". He just wasn't sure if the pair laying in the room downstairs would generate more of this happy, sassy Louis or do the opposite. Absolutely, positively, with no uncertainty Harry wanted to go further with Louis but not cause more tears. Even though Louis loved the shoes, it was clearly hard for him, anything with intimacy because of the abuse. 

***

"Silk stockings."

"What?" Harry asked. 

He wasn't confused. It was an answer Harry put together before he'd asked the question but he wanted Louis talking, not a silent mystery. Harry's inspiration for the other part of the gift had been based on hoping to give Louis some gifts that would stir pleasing memories. Something from Louis history with Andy. It was ironic because the stockings, Andy, were part of what created Harry's jealous for so long; the jealousy, the past, where Harry started to do everything so wrong. 

Harry's heart raced as he waited for Louis to tell him more. He hoped he'd gone the right course to rewrite some history. 

As Louis began to answer "I used to get frustrated because he'd just hang around, Andy, hovered around me..." Harry slipped down onto the bed to snuggle close beside Louis. He lifted Louis legs so he could slip under them repositioning their bodies to be as if Louis would be sitting in his lap if they were upright. It gave Louis a good view of his feet, the shoes. The feel of their bodies so completely in contact, fitted together like two puzzle pieces, was comforting to Harry who could easily enjoy looking at the shoes too. 

He listened as Louis continued on, "I never told anyone this, but in a way, Andy was kinda clingy. Mostly it was he hoped we could have a quick, you know. But sometimes it was just that he was never good being alone. He hovered. Then he'd get, you know, and he'd start getting aroused. He'd press pelvis up against me and want us to "leave the little kids" meaning you and the girls for some "alone time", which meant fucking. I could tell that the girls were frustrated that he came over so much, but mostly it bothered me that you were annoyed with him. He didn't consider that. It would get to a point that I need to send him off."

"If I said "silk stockings" that's all it took for him to make a noticeable wet spot in the front of his pants. He'd leave. Things would be fine." 

Harry hated to admit it but he could see that Louis was happy in his reminiscence about Andy. Even if Andy was a clingy boyfriend, the relationship was still a thing Louis had that was untouched by the ugliness and the abuse. Harry also never realized how much Louis was conscientious of Harry's feelings either. Protective of Harry. This realization made Harry both sad and determinedly optimistic. He was about to say something to Louis, "Louis, there's ..." When Louis interrupted. 

"Not sure I could do that now though."

"What? Not sure you could do what?" Harry asked because maybe the story of the silk stocking was perhaps far from complete.

"Joke about wearing them. Joke about wearing stockings. Lacey things...anything. Even..."

Tears were in Louis eyes again and his voice caught in his throat. There it was. The damage. Scars. Harry rushed to squelch them. Murmuring "no, no, no, please" he began kissing Louis neck and pulling the suffering lad tighter into him. His kisses weren't abating the tears which broke free and began to trail down Louis fine features. Harry shifted and took his kisses to range further. A few gentle on Louis lips, a few on his collarbones. Some more on his lips, one on each eyelid, then down along the outside of his breast along the ticklish area of the rib cage. And lower. 

As Harry shifted himself to shower Louis torso in a cascade of soothing kisses he made a decision. "I would rim him." Zayn had said. Rim him. Yes, but Harry had no idea what to do. He'd "studied up" a bit, but seriously, no clue. He did, however feel this yearning to please Louis. To make him feel beautiful. Like he was with no adornments. Just Louis. And a pair of floral vans.

***

Rolling himself out of their nested position easily taking Louis across himself placing Louis somewhat on one of his sides and ever so slightly facing frontside down. Harry returned to renewed purpose, more kissing moving along down a line of Louis' side focusing on the sensitive areas of the torso-side. He made special care to string kisses along Louis' rib cage while blowing a tickling breath. Sometimes he strayed closer to Louis' back, sometimes a little toward the belly and a few times he made it a point to suck the most tender spot at Louis' waist. All the while this made Louis squirm with the delicate nature and wandering path of kisses. This inspired Harry to want to do more, say something, but no. He couldn't. He'd heard the words, "pretty", "beautiful". Pretty princess for daddy. Beautiful boy for Liam. Harry wanted to stay away from these dangerous, ordinary words. Just make Louis feel beautiful, pretty, loved. Without the words.

As Harry's lips adorned the skin with loving, teasing touches he ran a hand along Louis body from hip down the length of the most accessible of the two thighs. With each of these passes of his hand he occasionally moved directly across one cheek of Louis' spectacular bum. The curvature felt unbelievable in his hand. Truly unimaginable. 

Every once in a while he dipped a finger softly drifting closer and closer to Louis' cleft. All the while Harry kissed Louis body where he was most ticklish. His efforts made Louis arch his back slightly and fan a leg out exposing more of himself trustingly. Harry felt access was very welcoming.

He took a risk and swept his hands so four fingers brushed into the cleft between Louis' arse cheeks and he may have slightly even grazed across the hole with the sweep. 

Louis gasped quietly as if suppressing his response but his pelvis betrayed him as he arched his back more and pressed his pelvis down. Friction. 

Still fearing his own ignorance, the lack of experience and potential mishandling Harry whispered to Louis, shifting again over him more and allowing him to stoke Louis body with both hands. Louis simultaneously pressed himself more front-side facing down and his one leg parted more from the other. It was spectacular. Louis like this.

Harry had started with the whisper of Louis' name but facing this posterior exposed and presented before him he barely got more than the name out before he gasped to himself. Yes. Spectacular. 

"Louis." A pause. A breathless exhale. "Do you trust me?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the prompt said...."Louis gets rimmed [by Harry] while wearing pretty floral vans". Finally!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm sorry. My best critic/mate hasn't been reading this one...we both hate pedophilia. Apologies also because that means I ramble (like now), I miss typos (always, thus my moniker) and I do several other things that annoy even myself. If you've stayed with this so far... thank you, comment please and don't angst over the apparent cliffhanger. I seriously wouldn't let Des NOT get his! Real life is too full of inexcusable adults lacking braverya nod not owning up. This is not a story that would endorse that choice, but I let this get too "big ideas" so I need to have a conclusion (final chapter) that treats the big idea angst with appropriate content.

"Do you trust me?" Harry asked again as his hands lightly took to brushing along the sides of Louis' body. 

Louis had rolled such that he was more tilted belly down, not facing Harry, his body formed a loose s-curve with his legs, sprawled slightly apart. It was seductive and allowed Harry to comfortably position between his legs enjoying the view.

Though his cock was painful with need, Harry was only concerned with Louis, exposed and prone befor him, still wearing the flowery shoes. 

Harry's hands paused their gentle traversing over Louis' skin at Louis' waist when he heard the reply that came in a faint almost whisper.

"Yes, Harry. I've always trusted you."

Harry's head shook "no". This reality was incomprehensible. 

Despite his bullying, his abuse, his faults, Louis loved him. Unquestionably Harry's actions for the last two years earned him no rational merit for this trust. No merit for this love. But love is not a rational thing and Louis had already admitted several nights prior when the two cuddled together that he loved Harry. 

Harry went with it. "Then will you let me...let me make you feel..." His mind screamed "Don't say beautiful! Don't say pretty!" So the words that followed were "...let me make you feel the way you deserve to treated, so good. Let me try to show you. You can tell me to stop anytime and I will. Just let me try please."

With his hands paused at Louis small waist Harry could feel the breath in Louis arrest, but Louis shook his head "yes". This submissiveness was impactive. Harry had such responsibility. Under him, in his hands was more than a desirable body. It was a very delicate, fractured psyche. Harry wanted nothing more than to put it back together. Make it strong. 

***

Harry moved his hands to again traverse the silken skin. 

He tried to fathom how anyone could be so much boyishness and yet so curvy; thin, angular and yet luscious. Louis was all these things. He messaged Louis back with sweeps of his hands trailing occasionally across Louis' bum and ever so slightly between his cheeks. Harry resisted his urge to separately them with self-serving desire. This slow pace was a struggle for Harry; he felt his cock throb with want. 

Louis was quiet through the caressing but his body made tiny responsive adjustments telling Harry the touches were desired. Ever so slightly, subconsciously, Louis' hips raised with each traverse of hands across his bum. Still Harry knew he needed more than the pretense of silent consent given Louis' experiences. 

Harry felt his lips were inflamed as he thought about the responsibility before him. Had he been biting his lips? Biting back his concern, his yearning? Shaking off his distraction he kissed Louis' skin. 

Contact with silken flawlessness soothed his burning lips. As they made their way across Louis body, they were joined by hands that ever so slowly, made their way more deliberately caressing toward Louis' arse but only in keeping with the signs that the body caressed was relaxed and welcoming. 

Louis responses increased. He alternated pressing his pelvis more into the mattress below and minute lifts with cadence of movements to those of Harry's hands.

Harry's own cock, with its head peaking out from the unfasten jeans and clearing the slit in his boxers, needed attention, but his sexual frustration only slipped out in the form of a bite then a suck to sooth nipped skin on the inside of Louis' thigh. He elicited a slight whine from Louis and so repeated the application on the back of Louis' thigh close to the onset of the curve of Louis bum. 

Louis moaned, turned his face into the bed to muffle the sound. It was an attempt to hide. 

The moan gave Harry a slight edge in confidence. He like the moan. The sound said something of giving to the experience. Shy, but willing. Harry smiled at his successful start, he looked at his large hands on Louis smaller form while trying to remember to breathe given that his own body was increasingly aroused. Lips, tongue and teeth made their way along Louis arse. That place where the bum cheek intersects the thigh? Harry returned there and made a mark. Harry's mark. Admiring it, he so much wanted to litter Louis' body with many more, placing them at every intersection, curve, or depression.

The struggle for Harry was reconciling his own need for pleasure. Did he squeeze and nibble on the bum? Or did he return to the inner thigh and suck more marks there? The options were beyond him so he repeated them both. Louis moaned again and pressed further into the matress followed with a slightly more pronounced arch of his back and bum lift.

*** 

Louis' undulations were small affirmations that the touches were willingly received and enjoyed. It gave Harry a sense that everything in Louis that had been locked and controlled was being teased open. Harry made his approaches more deliberate, more localized, opening Louis was precisely what he wanted to do. 

Again he slipped fingers between cheeks careful not to go too deep, careful not to linger like he was interested in Louis for fulfilling his own need. Nevertheless Louis was sensitive, reactive. 

Louis gasped when he felt Harry brush across his entrance and he sprung up a bit up to look around. Startle was evident on his face. He asked Harry with a hesitant shyness and a touch of a stammer, "Ddo you want me to prep myselllff, um prep for you?" 

Harry smiled and put a hand with fingers spread wide on the center of Louis' back. He shook his head "no" and guided Louis to laying down again with a gentle press with one hand on Louis' back and slipping Louis' supporting arm comfortably away. After assisting Louis to relax again he sucked a finger to moisten it the brushed it along the rim of Louis' hole and once again sucked the skin on the center of an arse cheek to test if Louis would take this touch without another startle. Louis didn't bolt up. He pressed his face with bashful resignation into the bed and muffled noises in secret. 

Emboldened, Harry assertively directed his efforts to the full, beautiful bum as he squeezed each half with a single hand enjoying how they filled his hands with a richness. Then he separated them. 

It took some presence of thought because as Harry fully parted Louis' cheeks he discovered yet again that Louis another detail of this body was simply breathtaking. Louis had so many other cute, pixie-like, adorable qualities. So right were all his little things to who he was. No surprise, his hole was also a pixie-like radial of perfection. Pink. Small. Pretty. Such a pretty boy. Harry didn't say it. His mind was stuck on "so, so pretty" but he knew that was a risk to say. 

Instead Harry wetted a finger in his mouth and brushed the pink skin softly, as if it was not meant to touch the pretty thing that engaged his focus. His finger had made a mere flutter across Louis' entrance. Innocently.

Louis' breath hitched and his hips raised with another arch of his back. He murmured, whispered "Harry." Harry strayed his touches to slightly less central areas then returned to repeat the same move again with a freshly wetted finger. He teased the flesh of the rim with featherlight touch. Louis' breath hitched, his pelvis responded with yet another rythmic undulation and he whispered Harry's name once more.

Harry smiled.

Through all of this Harry was finding that his penis had begun to less dominate his thoughts as the excitement of Louis' pleasure filled him. He realized that this was the first time he'd could actually say that he was making love. It wasn't sex. It was more.

Another brush, more deliberately, across Louis' hole and Harry saw something astounding. It twitched. Or maybe it was a blink. Harry was encouraged again he heard Louis start to utter his name, Louis only got the "Ha-" before Harry put his face against Louis spread cheeks and lapped his tongue boldly across the teased hole.

Louis moaned deeply and drove his pelvis into the mattress under him. In a split second following the driving action Louis was twisting and recovering himself from the uncontrollable response. He looked over his shoulder, face flushed, pupils wide and begun a stammer of "Harry" again without success. 

Harry surged his body forward over Louis' to steal a kiss fusing their lips, his tongue trust unapologetically deep into Louis mouth. 

The assertiveness of Harry's action pulled Louis into a battle to return a kiss with equal passion. When Harry felt he might loose himself in the fight he slipped away turning Louis back to relax down and sliding back to his own previous position. Harry's eyes were wide with lust locked on Louis'. Louis' returned kiss caused him the sensation of losing place like catching yourself in a fall. Struggling for his focus he nodded for Louis to relax fully. Trust him again.

Once Louis yielded Harry returned to parting Louis' the cheeks pressing the tip of his tongue into the center of the flower-like entrance. His tongue felt the silky sensation of the delicate skin, Louis writhed, and Harry let the contact break. He followed the penetration with a series of quick tongue flicks on the rim and to the side of each cheek never straying too far from the quivering hole. 

Louis seemd to be gasping, struggling to catch his breath, fighting to keep moans restrained. Harry like the way Louis sounded overtaken with pleasure so he dove his tongue more deeply into the tiny pink center only releasing his penetration to begin teasingly flicking the rim like he'd done before. This elicited a definite whine, a pant or two, an attempted "Harry" which came out as a "hazza" sound before it morphed into an "ohUfckme".

Harry replied amidst kisses on the full, round cheeks. His answer was a decline, "No, babe, not going to do anything but show you how you should be treated. I'm not stopping this until you come. From my mouth sucking your gorgeous quivering hole, my tongue, eating you out. Lift your hips more for me babe. Let me have your cock. Let me show you how you deserve to feel." 

Louis was shaking his head "no" with his face buried but he did as he was instructed. Maybe the abuse still controlled his ability to self direct, but maybe, Harry hoped, just maybe Harry was erasing some of the ugliness and Louis was beginning to allow himself to feel pleasure. 

Louis tilted his hips as directed and Harry settled with his mouth working a series of kisses back to his quest. A bite, harder than any others brought Louis' hand to the bitten cheek. Harry's hand met it there and signal through supportive touch for Louis to leave his own hand there, serving to assist to Harry in keeping the luscious bum parted. This gave Harry a free hand to explore. Reaching forward he found Louis cock and took it firmly. Louis was hard.

***

Harry's directive for Louis to keep a hand on his bum gave Harry freedom to stroke the shaft of Louis' cock with one hand while his tongue delved into Louis' hole again even more deeply. He felt the walls firm and tight. Louis mewed a "Ha-hazza" and pressed back slightly. Harry thought maybe this was suggesting he still wanted more in him. So Harry broke off his strictly oral insertion and used the tip of his finger to sensitize Louis' hole intermittent with his tongue. He pressed a finger tip in slowly, going just one knuckle deep at first. Louis moaned the "Hazza" with it trailing into "ohfuckmepleeease" again. Likewise, Harry had to repeat instructions to raise his hips because when Harry said, "No, babe going to eat you out until you come like this." Louis collapsed down with Harry's hand under him still clenching Louis fully engorged cock. 

Harry was not dissuaded. Tongue returned to circling the responsive rim, lips sucked on the reddening puff of skin and Harry inserted a finger up to the second knuckle when the tight muscles tired his tongue with their hot grip. 

Louis broke, his hips buckling again and he pressed into the mattress. Harry drank in the beauty of Louis tormented with pleasure, the way his skin was shimmering with heat. He glanced at the entirety of the so gorgeous, body which was beginning to shiver despite the heat. He urged Louis to lift his hips up a bit, but unsuccessfully this time. If Louis was going to challenge Harry's options, Harry was determined to wreck him without using his cock all the same. 

The glistening on flawless skin building across Louis' body was inspiring Harry. Urging him on. Louis was feeling for Harry. Harry made a few more circles of his tongue around Louis rim and then inserted two fingers up to his second knuckle while Louis was flat on the mattress still resticting Harry's cock-holding hand. He made some wall surfing twists of his fingers and then quickly removed them and trust his tongue in their place taking it as deep as Louis' body allowed. The sensation was spectacular. Louis' delicate pretty rim, so tiny so small, was firm, gripping but no longer feeling like it was a struggle for Harry's tongue to take entry. Harry tried deepened his penetration with each trust, then returning to using two fingers he found Louis body yielding, opening. Wanting.

Harry surprised himself as much as Louis when his subconscious, self-pleasing, yearning-to-fuck-brain decided to override his patient approach and he responded to Louis increased sounds of pleasure by trusting his two fingers deeply into Louis for the first time eliciting the most pronounced gasp and forced pant-like series of breaths, a struggle to suppress a moan. 

Harry couldn't stand the muffled, controlled, too close to silent sounds anymore. He knew Louis loved what he was doing. He felt it in the heat on Louis' skin. He tasted it on his tongue. He saw it in the slight quivers of Louis' strong thighs and the even slighter quivers of a Louis' hole. But even more than all those things he so very much wanted to hear it. He wanted Louis to be loud. Begging to be fucked like this. Forgetting all the abuse, all the hurt and whimpering for Harry make him feel good. Make him come. 

Harry sat up and flipped Louis unexpectedly over so Louis was rolled onto his back looking up at Harry. 

A different, fresh view of Louis amide sex was breathtaking. Two things struck Harry in particular about Louis' appearance; his face and the floral shoes.

First, Louis' face was flushed and his normally his pink lips were obscenely red. His cheekbones were similarly rosey and that made them more accentuated and striking. His eyes seemed somehow much more blue. Midnight blue, maybe because his pupils were wider than Harry could fathom. His hair was styled with the sweat of sex into a mix of tousled and flattened and thorough all this look of sex that defined his appearance was the second thing, the amusing thing; Louis still wore the floral shoes. 

His eyes looked at Harry's with desperation. Then he spoke that desperation etching every syllable of his words, "Fuck me Hazza, Harry, please. Fuck me."

Harry reached for Louis cock which was leaking precum. Louis tried to pull Harry toward him for a kiss, the flushed beauty seemingly weak with need for it. His small torso heaving with panted breaths as he spoke. 

Harry's cock was leaking too. He so wanted to slide himself into that velvety body he'd worked into this flushed state of need. But not today. He gave Louis a brief kiss for pacification but pulled away before the seductiveness could mistakenly allow himself to get trapped in Louis' plead. Harry had to proceed with his plan for Louis intact. 

He knew this may have been the first time Louis was hard and close to coming in two years. It was his lucky prize to be the one who brought Louis there. He followed his decline with a soothing hush; he felt like Louis was nearly in tears once he said "no". Harry turned his attention south and keeping a hand on Louis' cock he licked around Louis' balls, made a few broad licks over his hole, inserted his tongue for a last taste then replaced it with fingers which he trust deep again. Fucking Louis unapologetically hard with them as he pumped Louis' cock. He enjoyed watching the show.

Louis arched his back and grabbed the bed sheets on either side of him as his thighs quivered. No sound escape his lips for a few seconds. Louis eyes opened wide, his pupils fully blown. Harry realized Louis was releasing when he felt it first on his fingers which had brushed Louis prostrate causing the onset. Louis was incapable of announcing. Harry felt the walls tighten in pulses timed with the ribbons of cum that spouted from Louis redden, hard cock. 

As sounds came to surface Louis was gasping the name "Hazza" between his moans. Harry's every sense was transfixed by Louis' experience. Harry didn't hear the car pull in to the drive. Or the sound of the front door. He only heard this, the sound of pleasure from the boy he'd just rimmed who was wearing floral vans. 

***

Harry practically fell down the stairs when he realized someone had entered the house. 

When he heard it Louis was still listless and blissed out beyond function from his powerful orgasm. Harry being unobstructed by the effect of temporary hearing loss, that is sometimes a short lived effect after some orgasms, did hear the noises. He also saw the clock realizing it was twenty minutes before the girls would get home and so he jumped up to investigate. He'd grabbed his shirt in part because his torso had some cum on it, his chin as well, not that he was much aware of the latter. The shirt was simply the most accessible thing to clean himself with as he left the bed, the room and tried do so while zipping his pants. The discomfort to his leaking dick made him slip on the stairs and come down them as if he were skateboarding on an invisible board thanks to his large feet. 

He hit the bottom to be face to face with his father. 

Des took one look at Harry, reached for his son's chin to touch the drop of translucent substance. He observed the shirt with similar fluid stains, the partially unfastened pants barely containing a obvious raging boner and Des flipped.

Grabbing Harry with a hand on Harry's pants for leverage and another taking as much of Harry's hair as manageable he drug Harry to the front door as he scowled in a voice Harry didn't know, "fucking that slut brother of yours, yeah?" 

Harry was trying to pull the hands off of him and twisted to make an attempt to strike his father to force a release when he was pushed onto the wall by the door. It stunned him because of the severity, then the door was opened and Harry was pushed out and fell hard backwards hitting his head. 

He nearly blacked out but the sound of the door slamming and bolting made his mind fight to stay in the moment.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry is waiting for Louis to come home. It's been over a year since the fateful day. He's recalling what happened in the hours, days and months since Des discovered them.

It was over a year since the day Harry last saw his father. He never gave Des a thought. He was not defined by his paternity. 

In contrast Harry had spoken with Louis nearly everyday since the fateful events although for most of the time since then Louis had not lived with Harry and their sisters. On this day he was waiting for Louis to come home for a break from Uni, Louis and Gemma, who was bringing Louis with her.

The house was quiet. Just Harry was home. His mum and the four younger girls were out to pick up a cake for the party they were having when Louis and Gemma arrived from London. The house was not the same one they were living in when Louis was with them, the day when he was assaulted on the heels of their lovemaking, the afternoon when Harry gave Louis a pair of floral vans. 

*** 

Anne had completely changed her life and theirs that afternoon. She changed hers for sake of theirs, relocating and trying every day to piece together a safer, happier existence for the children who had faced far too many losses because of the failing of adults. Simply put the children had been living with a monster. 

"Monsters aren't real." That's what adults tell children when these demons invade their thoughts after dark before slumber. But that is not true. The truth is that monsters live in communities, neighborhoods, even schools and homes. These monsters are the adults who prey on children. For Lottie, Fizzy, Phoebe and Daisy, as well as Harry, the monster didn't exist. But for Louis it was real and it was his step-father.

Because of Louis, his ability to protect those he loved even at great personal cost, the girls didn't know then, and they still didn't know now. Harry was reflecting back on the day when Des went too far one too many times after discovering Harry and Louis had been together. The girls were simply held at school that day at dismissal. When they did leave it was with a neighbor. They went to the neighbor's home for an overnight and slowly over the days following changes came about. Never did they know what precipitated between their step-father, Harry and Louis. All they knew were that things were changing. 

The changes meant that this is why it was, so many months later, when Louis would be home from his first half-year of studies at Uni, it was cause for celebration. 

Louis had been living in the city sharing a flat with Gemma while he studied fashion design. The girls had adjusted the move to a new home. It was a family-wide shift; a father gone, a mother in his place. A move to a different house. Two brothers living at home became one as Louis had been transferred first from the school he'd been at with Harry to a boarding school to finish his "college prep" at a competitive learning institution and finally just staying in London and entering his career studies at Uni. 

Lottie and Fizzy had reservations about the honestly and accuracy of all these changes. In part because they saw Louis very little starting with the day they had to go to a neighbors. There was something about an accident, Louis hospitalized, Des gone. Harry's mum was their guardian, finally a mother in their life again. Because if a need for that maternal connection they were somewhat pacified, but it was... 

Confusing.

*** 

But on this day Harry was looking out the window watching for Gemma's car. And Louis. The girls thought they were the most excited about seeing Louis but they had no idea. For Harry every moment since the day with Louis that precipitated these changes he'd been thinking about the fateful day and the those immediately after. 

For a few days Louis was in the hospital. When he got home it was a stressful couple of weeks, during which Anne relocated them to a new home, a different neighborhood. Then the decision was made for Louis to go to "a boarding school". 

The girls had still not realized that Louis' injuries, Harry's as well, were from Des. Only Harry, Louis and Anne were aware and Anne handled things with a very practiced protectiveness. She told them when they were older they would know more. 

***

Harry looked out the window and continued his watch. In his quiet reflections he struggled the most with which part was hardest to recall; maybe it was that horrifying afternoon. Or the days that followed. Maybe it was nights between the assault and the day his mum sent Louis off. On those nights Louis would slip into Harry's room and into Harry's bed. He would sweat and shiver, sleeplessly fight a demon. Louis was struggling but it only showed itself when the girls were asleep and he was hiding in Harry's bed. Slowly the bruises healed. The pain didn't. Harry didn't know what to do. Then after a couple weeks of this he came home from school and Anne sat with him and Louis and told Harry Louis needed to go away for school. "For school" meant for therapy. Harry knew that. 

Rubbing his head, feeling his own phantom pain Harry waited less patiently for them to arrive. He couldn't forget the panic he'd experienced. His own haunting pain. 

After Louis moved Harry and Anne began sessions of therapy as well. Harry was suffering from the abuse Des created too. And there were issues of abandonment that Harry felt. He confided all of it. For himself he kept one secret. His one happy time, it was maybe an hour, maybe less, when he rimmed the boy in the floral shoes. 

Harry rubbed his head more and tried to think of that. It was his happy place when the ugly stuff permeated his mind like when Harry saw Louis just before he was taken to the hospital. Louis was in somewhere between awake and not really anywhere. Harry couldn't remember the name of the emergency medical person who made it possible for Harry himself to avoid being in a state of shock as well. He only remembered that the man, this hero was amazing. And thankfully he was not someone who was afraid to take risks. If the hero had been, maybe things would have been far worse. 

Harry had called Anne when he couldn't get back into the house after Des bounced him off the wall and threw him out, screaming about Harry's brother being a fucking slut. Harry was almost impossible for Anne to understand with his speech unintelligible by his terrorized desperation. Luckily Anne was in town to be prepared for the plan they were to execute the next day. She was actually siting in a lobby of a nearby hotel along with the barrister. They were discussing the approach to the next morning, the timing of intercepting Des to take actions against him. When Harry called her she repeated each thing Harry said, or the best she could, aloud and the barrister got the emergency personnel enroute. Anne kept Harry on the phone fearing as much for his safety as for that of Louis. 

It was an ambulance that arrived first. Though it is not their job to intervene ahead of police, one man, whose name Harry couldn't remember, became a hero. He took one look at the hysterical teen and acted on the treat that the teen claimed was descending upon his brother inside. This hero, a hulking man with kind chocolate colored eyes, easily broke the door. He easily made a decision to use force to stop force. His colleagues put the raging Des in a hold as the police then arrived and took Des into custody. 

Harry shuddered. He recalled he only saw Louis for a glimpse before this kind, strong man, this hero had them remove Harry; Louis' condition was not something this hero wanted the already hysterical teen to witness. Even as Harry was lead away that day, as Anne and the barrister arrived, Harry couldn't even be excited about seeing his long estranged mum for the fear hae had of losing Louis. Louis had looked so beaten and fragile. 

Remembering these details made Harry shudder at the window again as he watched. Then his mind went to the days after Louis came home from the hospital.

Anne had restricted all of them from seeing Louis while he was in the hospital. She tried to emphasize to Harry how important it was to protect the girls. Give them time to adjust. There had been so much loss in their lives. Harry needed to pretend like Louis had always been so successful at doing. Pretend for the girls, protect them. But Harry only wanted to see Louis. He felt such guilt, like his impatience to make Louis feel loved only triggered the worse fate. Even though Harry eventually learned that Des showing up was not caused by anything he could control, he still blamed himself for his impulsiveness. If he just hadn't rendered Louis vulnerable. 

When the emergency responders were taking Louis to the hospital Harry was in the living room of their house. He was standing there dazed with his mums arms wrapped around him as they carried Louis through. Anne put her arms up more turning her son's head into her. He sensed she was as much preventing him from seeing way Louis looked as she was comforting him. In her shielding of him, Harry's eyes could only see the floor nearby and it was bizarre, surreal actually, to see there on the floor the other half of the gift still laying partially revealed along with the bag which had been tossed. There they laid. The silk stockings. 

When Anne released Harry to listen to instructions of which hospital they were taking Louis to Harry made a reach to collect them and shoved the small, balled up silk stockings into a pocket. Anne turned and took his hand to lead her dazed son to the car. She and the barrister took him to the hospital to be examined as well. When the news was given that Louis was resting and would be okay to see in the morning she took Harry to the neighbor for the night and she herself alone returned to wait at the hospital with Louis. 

Still looking out the window, Harry remember the next phase. Louis came home. 

Home was a new house Anne moved them into a little each day taking only their precious things from Des' house. While Harry and the girls were at school, Louis was given permission to miss school. Along with Des being incarnated, the school was approached by Anne's barrister with evidence about bullying and assault perpetrated by students. 

Administration was shocked, but as problem was identified they became more aware of the extent to which they had been failing their students. After all it was Josh bragging at home while talking to a schoolmate by phone that led to his father overhearing his son say something about Louis Styles was better at sucking cock than he ever was at handling balls, "...and we all know he's good with balls!" Angry about his son's homosexual activity, Josh's father confronted Des about it since they both worked at the same company. He didn't realize that his son was the one soliciting the oral sex. He also didn't realize he was telling a man who was molesting the boy. It turn Josh's father unknowingly caused this predator to go on the hunt, leave work early. 

But as both Anne and the hero guy both protected Harry from the full brutality of what Des did to Louis in the few minutes between Harry leaving Louis to check on the noise and when Des entered the home, no one could protect Harry from life with Louis for the weeks after the last assault by Des. 

*** 

Anne had settled them in a beautiful home, close to the school, big garden in the back, a small pool even. The girls were more happy over their better rooms than anything else although they didn't understand the vague reasoning for "Des is away". But the beauty of the home wasn't helping Louis. And the curiosity of the girls about the changes was really not helping Louis. It was terrifying him, though it manifested in a strange way. Louis didn't show the obvious terror like Harry witnessed once at school after the assault by Liam, Josh and Sandy. He did something Harry found more frightening. It scared him and it scared Lottie too. 

When the girls pushed for more information, which usually meant Fizzy pushed, Anne tried to be brief, consistent, vague. Harry and Lottie listened with their ears and their eyes. There eyes told them the most. They saw the way Louis responded. While Lottie had no clue what happened it was clear that in watching her brother she was understanding what wasn't said because it was something with Des and Louis. She was piecing it together. A horrible family secret. 

To the three youngest girls aside from some strange bruises that faded, Louis seemed just the same. At least he acted, tried to act, the same. Doting on his sisters, making up fun games, silly stories in even sillier voices. But when Fizzy questioned anyone about their step-father, Louis went pale. At times Fizzy kept pushing for more answers. That's when Louis would show the strain. It was like he was slowly turning into an ice sculpture. First he'd stop moving completely like a mime, eyes fixed open but unseeing. Then he'd start to loose all his sunny, glow. If Fizzy pushed even further, as she tended to do by nature, close scrutiny would reveal Louis was shuddering like a piece of ice ready to crack. It was Lottie who would react before Louis cracked, unceremoniously snapping at her sister and drawling Fizzy into an immediate fight with her. But then as soon as the two girls resumed their normal behavior of snipping back and forth Louis would turn back to normal as if the sunlight had just crested over a mountain and his frozen trance was released in the sun's warmth. 

Two weeks of life like this following the assault there was a need for a change for Louis. When the five school attending kids came home and it was announced that Louis was moving, finishing his courses in London at a boarding school. It was "a great thing to get him a chance at entering a Uni with an establishe program renoun for fashion design." That's what Anne told them asLouis sat there, emotion devoid from his expression.

Louis was gone the day after. 

*** 

Harry swallowed hard and continued his watch and his internal reflection. 

He survived the heart ache of missing Louis because he talked to Louis every day. Every single day. That included the summer because for some reason Louis' "private school" was in session summers too. At least that's what Anne said they required for competitive program prep like Louis was undertaking to go to design school. Harry knew better. Sure Louis was "at school". School for recovering from abuse. His mum didn't say it. Louis didn't either when they talked. But one day in their normal pretend-to-be-normal-phone-call dèjour, Harry heard Gemma talking in the background. He heard her mention him (Harry) and Louis something about how she disagreed with this person and she said quite sharply at the end to the other person, "you're the doctor." Her tone was snarky, demeaning and disrespectful. 

After the summer, a new school year started, Harry and the four girls were back in classes and still everyday phone calls with Louis got Harry through another day. At first Harry wasn't actually certain that Louis was really at Uni. This was because the family had made a day to go to London to see Gemma and Louis but when they got to London Louis wasn't there on a Saturday. Not at first. As everyone talked and caught up Harry drifted around Gemma and Louis' flat and checked things out. He didn't feel like Louis was living there. Sure there was a room, it had his clothes there, some things Louis would have on the walls, but it didn't feel like Louis. Fortunately everyone else was anxious to see their brother too so Harry didn't have to be obvious with a constant "where's Louis". 

Harry was watching out the window of Gemma "and Louis' not very Louis-lived-in" flat when a car pulled up. He watched from the second floor window of the flat as Louis got out. Harry couldn't see the person driving with the reflection off the window, bit a man's hand extended out to hand something to Louis as he was about to head to the door. Louis had left something. When Louis retrieved it the hand took a hold of Louis arm like to hold him there for a second and it made Harry stomach flip. Possessive. Harry's stomach churned again. He didn't like that hand, a man's, anyone's hand touching Louis. Not now. 

The day in London was for Harry like something of torture. Louis came inside they all mobbed him, everyone too excited to take turns in speaking. The girls were climbing literally all over Louis. Harry tried to act normal. He wanted anything but normal. He took one look at Louis and realized this was not his brother. This defiantly was not. This was his lover. The thing he wanted above all else. The thing that occupied his thoughts all day, his dreams all night and every fiber of his existence. 

Louis had gotten prettier. Harry wasn't aware how. Yet he had. He seemed sexier, sunnier, his hair softer, his skin silkier, eyes more blue. Lips? Ugh. Harry sat through most of the talking girls talking over girls talking all at once with his index finger between his teeth biting on it as he did this creepy, possessive guy stare at Louis the entire time. He could hardly get next to Louis to be close to him sitting but that was okay. He decided he needed to stand behind the couch Louis was sitting on so he could slip a hand down behind Louis where it was unseen. It allowed him rub the back of Louis' arm with the back of one finger secretly. Louis pushed his arm back into Harry's touch. That small reciprocal action made Harry's heart soar. 

*** 

Harry continued to sit at the window of the family home reflecting back on the day they visited Louis and Gemma in London. The agony of being so close but never alone. Then he looked at the clock and calculated the time, he was more impatient, he hoped Louis would get there while his mum and the four girls were still out. Maybe with just Gemma and the two of them he have the reunion with Louis that evaded him the time before in London. After all something in Gemma's speech that one day he heard her in the background of a phone call made Harry feel like Gemma was on to them. All that time living with Louis, if it were true, Louis must have confided to her he loved Harry as something other than a brother. Harry beloved that. Harry wanted to be free to openly show his love, too. Not the brotherly love. The real love. 

So Harry shuffled in his window-side seat and thought about when he spoke to Louis just the day before. During their daily phone call Louis had said something intriguing, "I'm bringing a surprise." 

Harry had tried to guess. He'd made several ridiculous guesses; things he'd like Louis to bring him. Things he wanted. Things he thought were funny. He was really thrown off when Louis answered one question with the statement "I never said it is a surprise for you. I just said I'm bringing a surprise." 

What the fuck did that mean? With that Harry got very intrigued. Louis seemed past the point of playing twenty questions and simply said he'd answer one last question. "Make it a good one Hazza." 

"What letter does it begin with?" 

"Really? That's your one question? A, Harry. It begins, the surprise with the letter A." 

Harry was thinking through the dictionary and the letter "a". Naturally he couldn't get his mind off arse. It had to be something to do with Louis' spectacular arse. There was no other word that could fit. Maybe, maybe, just maybe a tattoo. "Hazza" tattooed on Louis' bum. That had to be it. Never mind that Louis said he'd never get a tattoo. It wasn't the needles he always said it was the way he liked new trends and why would anyone want to wear the same thing everyday with everything. Why? Oh but put one on your arse and, yes, no worries. 

Harry smiled and realized he had been picturing this so completely when it occurred to him that a car had pulled up. Someone got out and was coming to the door. Harry ran for the front thinking he wondered when Gemma got a different car as he swung the door open to see, unbelievably, of all the fucking people, Andy standing there hand ready to knock. Fucking Andy with a fucking "a". Fuck!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, I edited this horrendously fast. And then, yeah, cliffhanger. But it all makes sense. Really.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please READ notes first. Andy explained.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I did this super quick (warning massive typo hell within) and it's truncated a chapter to be just the "Andy explained" stuff because seriously I do not mean to antagonize or torment any of you lovely, lovely readers. I'm really into weaved together stories and I feel awful that I've made everyone have such a fright. Andy need to surface to (spoiler) refresh the silk stockings (spoiler/smut) I'm a happy-ending kinda writer but I do need to make a bit of a statement when I write something that is so deeply based on real issues that affect young victims. There needs to be homage to survivors.

Andy, fucking Andy, with an "a". Standing there looking like the Adonis of mythology. Adonis with a fucking "a". This former boyfriend of Louis' surprisingly showing up at the door from out of nowhere, looking even more virile and manly than Harry remembered. 

Harry was at wits end with frustration. How could Louis do this?

After all, Louis loved him, Harry! He said so. He said it to Harry after Harry realized that Des was a monster and Harry had pleaded for forgiveness. Louis said it every night for two weeks after returning from the hospital when he snuck into Harry's bed seeking refuge from his nightmares. And even while he was away in London all that time, months that became a year. Every day on the phone, Louis said he loved Harry. Louis said it! 

Harry was so busy thinking of the sound of Louis' voice saying "I love you Harry" that he never heard what Andy was saying as Andy strode past him at the door, walking into the house like a returning victorious champion long away fighting battles in a foreign land. It was this kind of display of cocky, a self-adoring demeanor, that Harry always hated about Andy. 

Harry realized it now. He always hated Andy's arrogance. "A" for arrogance. 

Anger, another "a" word had filled Harry and he still hadn't heard a word Andy was saying as he made himself at home in the house and went to take a seat as if he was invited. Was this the surprise? Louis did actually say it wasn't a surprise "for him", just a surprise. 

"Harry, say something? Don't look so surprised." Andy said in a tone Harry interpreted as smug. Andy leaned back on the couch and crossed his legs with his feat propped up on the table in front of the couch. Like he owned it, like he used to do when he came over years ago and fucked Louis upstairs anytime he pleased until the day Harry ruined it by outing Louis to their father. 

"Surprised? Surprised doesn't explain it. What the, why..." Harry stopped his babbling. This, this was not happening. Not Andy again. Not the guy who bragged about Louis like an object. A mistake that set Liam upon Louis after Andy left. No. Harry leapt into action springing toward Andy to jerk the, um, jerk to his feet without explanation.

Andy was always a big guy. Really big and really built, but Harry was still growing, always gaining bulk of his own. After he pulled the overly confident oaf to his feet, Harry shoved him to the door. Swinging it open he was quick to throw Andy out with enough force that, given someone had dropped a weekend bag there at the step, Andy went sprawling to the ground. 

Standing there looking slightly caught off guard and much amused with Gemma at his side was Louis. Completely, utterly adorably pixie-like Louis. His eyes quickly glanced with a perplexed head tilt at his ex-lover who was unceremoniously banished and he locked his attention on a powerfully, territorial-looking Harry. He giggled at the unexpected display and his smile made crinkles in his cheeks that rose to his eyes creating an illusion of sparkles radiating from them. 

"Harry?" Louis said with a laugh. He stepped over Andy to reach Harry and slide his arms around Harry's waist with the small weekend bag still acting as a wedge between them. He leaned as much as he could into Harry and turned to look down at Andy while holding himself against Harry by lifting into the lean on his tippy toes. He said, "Funny seeing you ...drop ...in here Andy. Didn't expect that." 

Andy started to get up and smiled. He greeted Louis with just a nod and a "Louis", then Gemma greeted the same, a nod and a "Miss". 

Harry pulled Louis tighter into him and glared at Andy. The way Louis seemed to regard Andy as unexpected made Harry pause on his fears that had been fully running away with his emotions and his imagination. And then he heard the words that mellowed him completely.

"Haven't seen you forever, Andy. What are you doing here?"

Andy dusted himself off and started his reply. "I was telling Harry. I came to visit home and ran into some old mates. They said you were coming to town too, your sister Lottie said something to one of theirs, so I thought I'd drop by. See of we could maybe hook up, or something."

As Andy spoke he was studying Louis and Harry. It was clear his eyes were only distracted from taking in Louis' beauty by the mutual clench that was going on between Harry and Louis. Harry was still presenting a less than welcoming form. His nostrils were flaring and he was no longer the "dorky little brother" Andy was accustom to. Nothing of the sort.

"Oh" Louis said. Oh, in that tone of "oh, sorry-for-you, but get-the-fuck-lost" kind of "oh". Then he smiled at Harry and pulled them together tighter and said to Andy while looking at Harry "Nice to see you Andy, but see, I'm really only here to see family..." 

Louis was not looking at Andy when he concluded his sentence. He was looking deep into Harry's eyes getting distracted by their beauty as he was finishing a thought expressed to Andy. Andy was definitely listening intently. His eyes were roaming very inch of his former boyfriend. Probably he was thinking "how did I let this one go?" 

"...and to to be with my boyfriend. So, shove off, mate. Catch you another time, maybe." 

Harry slipped his arms more tightly around Louis, so tight that he lifted Louis to him. As he did so Harry's hands slid the length of Louis' form slowly as he set Louis down with the bag no longer impeding their closeness. Harry left his hands which had traveled seductivly along Louis' body to linger where they crossed Louis' hips and bum. Through the lift Harry and Louis had their arms around each other and the poorly placed weekend bag over which Andy tripped created an unbalanced situation that added to their embrace. 

Also during the lift the two boys were staring deep into each other's eyes, holding their gaze for an unbroken duration and intensity that suggested desire between them. After an obvious of amount preoccupation with each other's touch, each other's look, they both turned in unison to Andy who had shocked expression on his face. 

Andy stood there as Louis words to "shove off" descended into his mind. Harry and Louis went back to staring deep into each other's eyes, absorbed with each other, both smiling silly, giggly grins. 

"You mean?" Andy said indicating he was questioning what they meant. But he knew. Harry's hands were still on that spectacular bum. He was actually squeezing Louis slightly with his long fingers. When their eyes turned to look at Andy again Harry nuzzled his mouth along Louis' amber skin on the side of Louis's neck. He ended his nuzzle close to one of those ridiculously prominent collarbones which the shirt Louis wore left exposed. Harry kissed one with open lips and a lisp of his tongue. The way Louis wiggled in Harry's arms suggested there was tickling breath this action too. 

Did they mean them? 

Them, as in they? 

As a couple. 

Louis giggled more and was joined by Harry in it. Gemma who had been quietly taking it all in also stepped around Andy and the weekend bag that was Louis' and shook her head "yes" as she passed Andy, the weekend bag and the two boys entering the home. 

"But? I mean, you're..." 

"What?" Harry cut in to ask, "Brothers?" 

Andy was shaking his head "yes". He looked very confused and stunned. 

Louis pulled free from Harry and stepped close to Andy as if to tell him something in confidence. Andy leaned in clearly still sorting the togetherness of the brothers out. Putting a hand on Andy like Harry had seen Louis do hundreds of times before years ago when the two were intimate, Andy took the cue and leaned in for hearing Louis as if it was a special secret to be delivered intimately. 

Louis whispered with lips close to Andy's ear because of Andy's yearning lean, "Andy this is a silk stocking moment. Time for you to go." 

Andy blushed. Louis moved back and Harry's arms went fully around him taking possession. They were standing pressed together again at the door with Harry, taller, wrapped around Louis and Louis pressing firmly back into Harry. That was it. The marching orders delivered. Andy was the past.

Andy took a moment to process. Gemma was standing behind the two boys looking at him with a dismissive disinterest in small talk and so he left. As the for slammed closing everyone out Harry and Louis turned to each other and Louis lept up wrapping himself with arms and legs around Harry to who caught Louis with ease. He too needed this closer than close full body connection. 

Gemma laughed at them as proceeded to toss her bags down while saying with a loving laugh to her voice, "Okay boys, get a room upstairs and get it over with before mum comes home. I'll call Antonio and make sure he has directions so he can join us later for dinner."

Harry was spinning Louis around and heading to the stairs with the feeling of little nibbles biting into his neck curtsey of his clinging prize. 

He kept moving up the stairs with Louis strapped onto him by arms and legs but he couldn't help but wonder...Antonio? Who was Antonio? So he asked, "Who's Antonio?"

Louis stopped his peppering of affection on Harry's skin and clarified. "Antonio is the surprise. You know, starts with an "a", but not for you. Wait until you meet him. You'll see why it's a surprise. He's been my, um, like a mentor. It's a therapy thing. I'll explain later, but you'll be amazed at the irony of it. Just wait Harry. You'll see."

Harry carried Louis on into a room feeling whole as Louis continued to clamp onto him and nuzzle "I love you Harry". Meanwhile from the living room below Gemma called up after them, "Just be quick lads, Mum wasn't expecting us this early but I bet she'll be home soon. None of that hours of fucking stuff."


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when the lovers have barely two minutes to make up for a year of no touching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I hope you like this. I'm doing one more heavy smut chapter which will have the story wrapped up stuff within it too, but this saga is finally ending. I'd like to try to construct the promised ending to my first fiction (OOS) before I do another new story, but I also toying with a ot3 with a lot of Louis getting fucked. We'll see how I feel after this reviews. Be honest, lovies, you don't have to be kind to comment. It's just fiction, just for fun and not my life, so yeah, comment please!

"Hours of fucking stuff?" Yeah, that's what Harry was thinking he wanted to be. But no, not now. What they could have, like Gemma said, would need to be quick. He carried Louis up the stairs and was painfully aware of the sensational firmness of Louis' thighs wrapped around him. He was also aware of how Louis' body felt so light because he was just bones and muscle. Well almost. Harry's hands gripped Louis arse and they were filled cradling it. Full and soft, coated in what he recalled was silken, perfect skin.

Harry and Louis were in Harry's room for a nanosecond before clothing was removed as if incinerated. Or at least most of it. Louis had pants still on, unfastened but he was distracted from removing them completely by his breath-taken distraction caused by the more quickly, thoroughly stripped Harry. The way Harry looked naked, sporting a semi for him, sent Louis launching onto Harry once more with a leap that made them both go tumbling backwards landing on Harry's bed. Louis on top, Harry willingly pinned. 

Louis pressed onto Harry trying to keep Harry trapped beneath him cupping Harry's face with his hands as he began a deep insertion into Harry's mouth without hesitation. Both of them battled for dominance in their kisses. Louis won. He took advantage of Harry's additional degree of exposure moving one hand to grab firmly Harry's dick. Harry felt the delicate fingers closing around his semi erect penis, the squeeze which followed made blood rush to his organ. Louis laughed through their kiss with his hand taking measure of Harry's desire as Harry's body responded immediately to the grasp. Harry gasped at Louis assertiveness. It was, perhaps, what Louis had been like so long ago when he chose to be with Andy, Harry realized as a fleeting thought.

Louis began stroking Harry with firmness and confidence. From his lips between each shift of a kiss more mirth vibrated through the touch of Louis' mouth on Harry's. Harry mewed. Louis swept a tongue across Harry's lower lip then dove in sucking Harry's tongue making Harry weak for more of Louis. 

Feeling himself surging with desire Harry moaned a plea to communicate his desperate need. His hands went across every inch of Louis as they kissed. Everything on Louis felt lean yet curvy. Harry hadn't forgotten; their previous time together too short for a history of memories, yet Harry would never forget the day so long ago when he rimmed the boy in the floral vans, this feeling of Louis to his touch. It was something indescribably different than most boys, nothing like the any girl. Harry moved his fingers beneath the unfasten lip of the top on Louis' jeans, his fingers just able to sweep across the skin beneath the fabric. His touch told him this was an arc of perfection. Unique. He squeezed. Louis' bum was so rich and luscious. Harry's own pleasure from his investigating touch made he himself moan again. He realized he was fueling his own cock's infusion with more need. 

Louis was the dominant here. Harry realized this when his mouth lost it's direction as Louis seemed completely in control of Harry, stroking Harry with one hand, nipping Harry between deep kisses, laughing into Harry's mouth through their kisses setting Harry back into his place if Harry tried to dominate. Harry's need-infused dick felt want to serve Louis' desire. There was no doubt of this. Harry realized his mouth lost it's way again. "It's my turn to make you squirm." Louis broke the kiss to whisper into Harry's ear, his raspy voice laughed the words from lips buried in Harry's long curls. 

Almost simultaneously as realized he was fucked trying to out-skill Louis. He felt the head of his cock wet with precum. His mind screamed, "Fuck, should've wanked off during the long wait at the window!" 

Louis was continuing to work Harry dick more and more relentlessly and was startling to mumble sweet dirty things in whispers that ghost breath across Harry's ear. It was then when they heard Gemma shout up to them from the living room below up, "Better make it quick lover-boys! Car just pulled up. Herd of girls just about to descend upon us!"

Louis and Harry locked eyes. "Fuck!"

Harry looked to Louis with the desperation he felt. Louis had sat upright hearing Gemma but he looked back at Harry with a simple shrug and dove back down. He ran his tongue from a mark he quickly sucked on Harry's collarbone and further down the center of Harry's chest to the start of Harry's faint happy trail at his belly button.

Harry was protesting, "N-n-no, no, no, no, no...we gotta get down there!"

But Louis still held firm Harry's precum topped dick and with his beautiful pixie face inches from Harry's cock he said, "It's okay, I can do this fast. They have to get out of the car and get bags carried in." 

Harry tried to resist, "No!" He blurted.

Louis only smirked a quick response before he lifted Harry's heavy thick cock, licked the vein underneath with a broad swipe and took Harry in immediately sinking slowly the entirety of Harry's length to bury his nose in Harry's pubic hairs. 

Harry wanted to protest again, but he felt the way Louis throat swallowed to relax muscles so all of Harry could go deep into his throat. It was like nothing Harry had ever experienced. His other bow jobs had come far short of this, literally. Usually they ended with the unsuccessful attempt ending with the supplier gagging creating a loss of interest as this task seemed too imposing. But here was Louis taking him whole, swallows pulsing Harry's dick each time he sank down. Humming his inspiration each time he came up. 

Lost in the wet heat of Louis mouth gave Harry none of his faculties to speak, he whined a protest. Louis licked another fat stripe but took his tongue across Harry's slit, then sucked again, slower. Harry stole a chance to focus his eyes on Louis. The way Louis cheeks hollowed made his insanely sculpted cheekbones more defined. His eyelashes, thick and dark, created an insanely pretty fan across his cheekbones and he hummed a vibration again as if to say sucking Harry's dick was greatest of pleasure for him regardless of size. 

Several more motions like these, more images of Louis' beauty, and Harry's brain was muddled witless. He felt a stirring in his core. Then Louis came up again and popped off. "This is insane," Harry thought. Not the sensations increasing from deep in him, but that Louis was just do fucking stunningly pretty with his pink lips glistening from the slick and his eyes sparkling with the refraction caused by tears of strain. Louis was not hesitant for a fraction of an instant long enough to Harry to say that before Louis once again proceeded to go down Harry again. Definitely not hesitant. Happily. 

The fear of noises from people entering the home below them, his mum, the four girls distracted Harry more and more from his experience. His hands went to tug ever so slightly on Louis. Louis was not to be distracted. He ran the length of Harry with his tongue hitting pleasure points his lips forming to Harry's engorged cock. Nothing was stopping Louis. 

Harry's mind filled with more and more fear of their potential discovery. Harry looked at Louis face again to urge him to stop, his body screaming for climax, but his mind full of fear. That's when something occurred to Harry in a flash. He'd seen Louis taking cock before. At school, by command with time limited on the clock, Liam forcing Louis. Harry remembered Liam's words, the script was usually the same, "...so pretty, so good sucking my dick, pretty boy suck my cock quick for me now. Swallow my load before bell rings for class or you'll get more than a spanking from me later..." But it was never like this, never by choice. This fervor to please Harry was born out Louis' own passion. 

Harry helplessly watched Louis. Louis was clearly intensely driven to please; a delicate hand on Harry's balls another supporting Harry's large dick as Louis used his tongue to run the rim of head with a couple swirls then sink back down the shaft like his tongue was memorizing each vein and contour. Harry tried to stop this, his experience became a mix of his own pleasures and the worst of his memories of Louis abused spurred in part by Harry's stupidity. That's when he felt Louis sink again. Louis' delicate hand had clenched Harry's cock at the base so tightly that Harry was completely caught off guard. Louis released the ring he'd formed by pressure of his thumb and first two fingers as his descent reached depth where it should have gagged him as he bottomed out. Louis did not. Harry felt his toes curl in a cramp before he realized he was coming as the flood of Harry's orgasm overwhelmed him with the release of Louis' hold. Nothing in Harry's experience prepared him for an orgasm that felt like that. Nothing. ...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a year apart, Louis comes home. Harry gets a shocking surprise that opens his long hidden emotions. Smut-fest finale part one/read notes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, sorry again. Writing pirate-style with one eye is really hard. Like I said, deleted, restating again for the record, fell off a horse ,hit the rail...we were supposed to go over it...going through wasn't so good for me. Anyhow I think I got enough edited to put an update up with a revised plan - I've split the last chapter. There's a lot of smut in the end so maybe it's okay to just cut it in half since I don't write brief smut. I get to take my patch off tomorrow. Perhaps I can get the rest edited quickly with two eyes.

Harry was certain his legs couldn't work properly as they left his room to join the family down stairs. He thought maybe that he pulled a muscle with the orgasm. Nothing ever made him feel like that...nothing. The experience, so intense with a wave of pleasure, had left his body sluggish. He needed to be given some extended rest, maybe while pressed close against Louis'. Recovery. 

Such was not to be. The Louis-starved girls downstairs missed their oldest brother too. Once Louis joined them it became an inseparable mass of sisters adhering themselves to Louis. Each was anxious to share something of the past year with him. It was clear he was too long removed from them as they seemed starved for his uniquely Louis-form of attention. For several hours Harry and Louis were limited to fleeting eye contact and empathetic smiles suggesting secretly to each other the desire to be alone together for more than a few minute blowjob. 

Well, almost secretly. While Gemma was their ally and she mostly played it cool, sometimes she couldn't resist teasing them if she caught sight of their little exchanges. She whispered to Harry that he smelled like sex. Harry blushed red with terror. Gemma laughed at his gullibility and turned away mumbling something like, "No, actually Harry don't be such a worrier. Besides, Mum hasn't had sex since the 90s and so she's not likely to remember what sex smells like."

Gemma.

Eventually the girls tired of hanging on their brother and they allowed some space. Harry was about to work his way into a seat by Louis where maybe he could press the outside of a knee against Louis' for hidden contact. Or maybe he could slip a hand down low and discretely behind Louis' arm or back, anything to touch. That's when the sound of someone at the door disrupted this idea. 

"Perfect timing as always." Anne said heading to the door to greet their guest.

It was clear this was someone special. Anne knew him well enough to know he was always timely. Gemma clearly knew him as well. The remaining children almost met him on a prior trip to London to visit Louis and Gemma but it was decided because of so little time for the younger children to be with Louis to make that visit just family. 

Nevertheless Harry felt that Antonio was important. Somehow Antonio had become something like family, at least to Louis. Suddenly Harry felt nervous.

The girls, in contrast, were not nervous. Just excited. They had become more eager to meet Antonio with each detail Louis gave them about him. Louis knew how to build interest and curiosity among his sisters. It was one of his gifts; even the mundane could be turned into adventure by their brother. Louis' vague descriptions of the man had made Antonio into something of an intrigue. "He's like a superhero". "He is very kind but very secretly powerful." "He's saves people's lives." And the one comment that had most perked Harry's interest, "He saved my life once."

The door opened, Anne welcomed the guest and a man stepped in who was a picture of strength, though he was no taller than Harry. His barrel chest and massive shoulders and arms made him almost a comic book idea of power in human form. He had dark hair, dark eyes. And his eyes had some deeper quality that could only be described as kind. 

Harry immediately recognized Antonio. The surprise of it created in him an odd sensation. It was like he was being sucked into a vortex, everything in his peripheral field of view closed in around him and he was swept back in time. This is why Louis had been so evasive. It was Louis being protective, maybe preparing Harry a little for a shock. 

The flash back of memories took Harry's breath and his focus was fixed on the man Louis hugged in greeting. Antonio made Louis look smaller than normal and he hugged Louis carefully, like Louis was delicate. Harry's heart pained with the rationale behind this gentleness. 

Louis pulled away and began introducing Antonio to the girls; Phoebe, Daisy, Felicitè, then Lottie. Youngest to oldest. Antonio was standing a few feet inside their door smiling and speaking with each sister in turn. With their introductions circulating closer to Harry, Harry felt his stomach lurch with the realization of who this was and the first time they met.

***

The year before Harry had been on the front porch of their old house. His mum said on the phone to him with a voice reflecting back to him his own panic, "No Harry, don't try to get inside! Stay where you are! Don't confront your father! Emergency help is on the way!" 

The first vehicle was an ambulance. Three men got out. Harry remembered their radios were busy with chatter from the dispatchers. One of the emergency responders was relaying their arrival to a dispatcher. They approached and Harry was hysterical. He didn't know what his words were but he thought he said his brother was locked inside with his father. He was sure he'd said his father was violent and could hurt or kill the brother in his rage. Harry remembered this medical rescue team looked confused. Maybe he wasn't making any sense was Harry's thought with their reactions. He yelled at them again. 

He also remembered that two of them hesitated more as his yelling escalated. Their wary expressions suggested they thought he was unbalanced, but one of them, the third man, with massive build and soft brown eyes spoke to Harry calmly. He quietly asked Harry where in the house the brother might be. Harry told him. He thinks he did. He knows that he said, "Pplease help. My father has been secretly molesting my brother for a year." 

Yeah, Harry believes he said exactly those words: father, brother, molesting. 

The man with soft brown eyes absorbed the comment and without further hesitation, broke the front door open. He told Harry who tried to follow him up the stairs, to stay with the other two medics. They put a blanket around Harry's shoulders. Harry didn't realize he was trembling as if he were cold. He didn't realize that the salt in his tears were painfull on his lips because he had bitten them raw. They were bleeding. 

He just knew that man, Antonio, an emergency medical worker, was the same man who was welcomed into their home on this night of Louis' homecoming, a brave soul who had decided to ascend the stairs that day.

As everything that happened that afternoon replayed in an instant, a movie in Harry's mind, the vortex sensation subsided and Harry realized why his brother and mum might have wanted him to be prepared for this meeting. Louis had said "a surprise". Just surprise. The only clue was the letter "a". Yep, Louis was being protective. 

Indeed the surprise brought back a very traumatic day. Antonio coming to their home. Breaking the door. Entering and going up to stop what Des was doing to Louis. 

As much as Harry had felt pleasure earlier before this party started, that pleasure was drained from Harry and was replaced by angst. A recall of that day refreshed his memory of his own role in everything awful that had happened to Louis. As Harry thought more about that afternoon he had the first realization of his own degree of responsibility for everything Louis endured for so long. Who would ever think a child would want to have sex with someone so much older? Harry barely snapped back to the present in time for his own introduction.

Louis was radiant happiness when Antonio turned and extended his hand introducing himself to Harry. Harry's shock over the reason for familiarity waned and he warmly spoke with Antonio. This seemed to make Louis smile brighter. Everyone was feeling at ease. The look of relief fanned across Anne and Gemma's faces. 

*** 

By nights end, after the cake, after the younger children were in bed Harry learned what Louis did when he left home a year prior, a few weeks after that terrible final assault by their father. 

When Louis left Doncaster he was enrolled in a residence-based program that helped young adults and teens with any number of issues while they finished school. Many of the children were kids who'd been in trouble with the law. Some were struggling with addictions. Some, like Louis were considered at risk because of abuse. Following his graduation, Louis stayed in London and began studying design at Uni. 

Harry learned that Antonio was living in London too. Ironically, Antonio had moved to the city relatively soon after the day he intervened at the Styles' home. Apparently when Antonio decided to listen to Harry, believe and trust, a hysterical teen he was suspended from his job in Doncaster as an emergency medic for breaking the rules. The irony, people aren't supposed to step outside of the lines. Not get too involved. Especially in a situation with a hysterical teen, child abuse, sexual assault and a family matter. 

Following the suspension, Antonio resigned and relocated to take a different career path completely. It was a small-world turn of luck that when Antonio took up his interest in helping young people that he came to know Louis. Volunteering as a youth mentor the opportunity he was offered was to work specifically with some boys who were the victim of abuse which included Louis. At first Louis had no knowledge of their previous encounter. Eventually when Louis learned Antonio had been there, broke the rules, lost his job, restarted his career it confirmed Antonio's status as his hero like Louis told his sisters. 

Antonio was indeed Louis' hero. He gave up a lot because of personal convictions. He lost his job which he loved with a passion, but he got to see the last person he ever saved become a restored, happy person. He spoke to Anne, Gemma and Harry about how that was a side of helping people he never got to see usually in the emergency rescue work. So it was a good trade off from Antonio's view. 

He also told them he was surprised to see how Louis personality changed. Apparently each day Louis became more of his natural self, sassy, a rule-breaker himself. In addition to being innately inclined to take risks, Louis and Antonio shared another common bond; both were highly protective by nature. 

This protectiveness was a thread woven in every snippet of discussion that occurred between Harry and Antonio. After their guest left their home late that night Harry's mind was filled with the ideas that Antonio suggested; Louis was still burying much of his pain. Hiding it. Everything in Louis was connected to his love for, his need to protect Harry. 

***

He was lying under Louis with his cock buried deep in Louis' arse when Harry felt Louis take a momentary pause, probably with fatigue. Harry reached up from behind Louis with a hand and grabbed the back of Louis' sweaty hair. He pulled. Louis exposed his neck with the tug and moaned. Harry felt relief with the sound. Louis wasn't halted because he was triggered by this position. So with his concern eased Harry studied the way the light played on Louis' glistening neck. He admired the marks he'd left on Louis' shoulders just above the collarbones. He considered that he wanted to leave more such marks when he was positioned to do so. 

Limited by his reclined pose he took his pleasure with the options open to him. Harry thrusted himself upward deep into Louis' wet heat as soon as he felt Louis start lift a small bit. This closed the contact and buried him deep in Louis again. Louis' prostrated had been taking a pounding so Louis bit back a yelp with moaned sound that finished with a whispered "-aarrry". 

Louis dropped his head forward sending a drop of sweat cascading down from his hairline. As Harry watched this bead travel he felt a corresponding sensation of wet droplets where his cock slid into Louis. Harry knew his precum was adding to the slick. He enjoyed the cream of their bodies working together and the beauty of Louis riding him. 

Before this fucking began Harry had used his tongue to explore every inch of Louis' body. He'd made Louis beg for this. He made Louis cum with his tongue and his fingers delving into the sweetness of Louis' arse. Then, not long after he ate Louis out, Harry made Louis cum again, sucked off by red lips that needed to taste everything Louis. And now Harry was wanting to make Louis cum a third time riding Harry's cock, even if he was nearly spent and would be almost pained to come dry.

Despite the feeling that Louis was cum-weary Harry couldn't restrain himself. He thrust up yet again, forcing a moan, a gasping of his name, but then he let himself be lazy, relaxed back onto the bed underneath himself and tried to let Louis do the work. Louis was just too, too gorgeous to not want to just kind of sit and admire. The way he undulated his hips, riding cock, wearing nothing but a sheen of sweat and sheer silk stockings. 

Silk stockings. That's how it started.

Things had new clarity from Antonio's visit although Antonio's hinted concerns were hard for Harry to accept. He needed his faith in Louis still being that strong, happy boy Harry met when he was five. Harry's Louis, the one who greeted him for the first time with pixie-like amusement as he laid, flattened on the pitch, devastated on his first day to a new community that was his new home. Yes, Harry needed Louis to be that Louis. The one who was fearless in everything, not afraid to be gay. Harry was desperate for Louis to be unscarred and unbroken. 

Harry tried to evade the logic of the concerns Antonio expressed. Bury his fears just like he buried himself now deep in Louis. Antonio revealed a fear secretly to Harry that Louis was falsely strong. Buried, Antonio suggested, also was Louis' trauma. Antonio told Harry that Louis' emotions were wrapped in his protective drive to spare Harry pain of personal responsibility. Louis' depth of concern for Harry was rooted Louis' belief was that Harry was very much a victim of psychological trauma, evidenced by his willingness to join in abusing his brother. This was something Louis created following reading a book about children in Africa who've been forced into warfare. 

"I asked him once when we were having a particularly pivotal conversation about his abuse, why he always turned it into worry about you. You were always on his mind, Harry. He was defensive in counseling sessions of you even though it came out that you may have played a role in some of what happened at home and also with some bullies Louis faced at school. He was reading this book at the time, a book about children in Africa."

"These boys were taken from their families and made into child soldiers." Antonio told Harry about the book. "In time children were forced to return to their villages and kill their own families. Louis seemed to lift a lot about how you were victimized by the climate your father created as much as he was. And he always maintained his belief in your manipulation." Antonio searched Harry's face for frailty as he shared these secrets. Then he continued on. 

"Louis worried about you here, not getting counseling, drifting, alone he said. He said he worried because society doesn't make bullies of the strong. It takes the weak, the followers." 

When Harry pulled out the silk stockings he was feeling the truth in the things Antonio shared. The pain of it and with that a desperate need to attempt to rewrite history. He would rewrite the real history in his own memory and maybe sweep away the image Louis had of him too. He wanted to create something new; they would be each other's first love, pure and untarnished. 

Harry imagined it was him all that time ago that Louis picked, not Andy. In fact, there was never an Andy in the fantasy Harry wrote in his mind. There was never abuse by Des, nor Liam. Only their love and passion. As Harry created this in his head to shield himself from the pain of the truth in Antonio's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you Merlot! I've just needed to get this out of my head and maybe I can't see typos even more terribly than normal with just one eye? Idk. It's a mess.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry remembers the silk stockings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to break the smut up. This is how the smut-fest begins. Act one, more Harry eating Louis out.

Silk stockings. That's how it started.

Antonio's visit tore open memories and details Harry had long since forgotten. One detail was the silk stockings that were part of the gift to Louis along with the shoes. Louis never received them because of the assault. Harry had picked them up when he glanced down at the floor and noticed them laying there forgotten when the medics were passing through the living room taking Louis to the hospital. Harry shoved them into his pocket that afternoon and he'd found them still there a day later. He hid them away in a secret place. With their move to a new home, so many changes in their daily lives after Louis left, Harry had not given them another thought. Until this night. 

Once everyone in the house seemed to be asleep Harry was trying be quiet as he could despite sharing the bed with Louis. Harry was enjoying finally being able to run his hands over Louis' body. He was trying to be slow and soft in his touches. Soft, gentle, cautious. 

Louis, on the other hand, was having nothing of the kind. He was sucking marks with harsh recklessness into Harry's milky skin. Or relishing in taking nipples in sharp teeth. Louis was enjoying tormenting Harry with complete disregard for their proximity to family. Louis was feisty and playful. Harry worried constantly that Louis would become too loud because he seemed so free-spirited and unrestrained. 

Worried or not, it occurred to Harry that he needed Louis to be like this, a playful minx. It was essential to abating Harry's own fears. Harry pushed the covers off them, rolled Louis onto his back, pinning Louis, anxious to resolve a question, but ready to quiet Louis if he became too boisterous. In the surge of this battle of passion between he and Louis Harry's mind had recalled the stockings. Now they were symbolic, a litmus test of Louis' strength. Louis didn't seem fragile to Harry. 

Harry reached over to his bedside drawer with Louis still trapped beneath him. He pulled out a bottle of lube that was obstructing his reach and Louis smiled vixen-like at Harry. Despite his history of being abused, Louis had no qualms teasing Harry about this preparedness. His assertive, playfulness suggested he was willing and stronger than Antonio realized. This was exactly what Harry needed to believe. To test.

After Harry pulled out lube he reached into the drawer again and took out a small, delicate item from its place tucked secretly in the back of the drawer. It had a tiny label in the seam of the thigh band which read "Lotus", the boutique where all the panties had been purchased. Harry saw a fleeting questioning shift in Louis' expression. Surprise crossed his brows then it faded as Harry allowed the sheer, opalescent silk stockings to unfold for Louis to see them. 

Louis was momentary arrested. He stared at these delicate, girly things. Then his eyes went from them to Harry's with a questioning expression. But there was no fear. Just questioning. "Harry?" Louis said before Harry blurted an explanation. 

"I never got to ask you before...that day, when I, we...but I know there was a time you laughed about wearing something like these. Maybe you'd wear them for your boyfriend...maybe, for me? Someday. I mean, maybe someday." 

Louis looked deeper into Harry's eyes. Harry couldn't interpret the expression on Louis face. He seemed searching for something. Harry smiled bashfully and then bit his lower lip with nervousness. 

Louis took the silk stockings from Harry's hand and examined them for a long, silent minute. Then his mouth formed a mischievous smile and he dispelled the fear-filled tension that had started to grow in Harry, "Go on then, slide them onto me babe." 

***

Harry fumbled to find the way to start the sheer peachy-pink material at Louis' toes. Suddenly his fingers felt numb and clumsy. He fumbled and blushed. He was struggling to hold one stocking with his hands while also trying to open the other and orient it correctly. It was too much dexterity for him to manage. He kept dropping both, his fingers betraying him. 

Louis laughed at him and took one stocking and placing his thumbs inside the opening gathered the length of the material up so Harry could see how one starts the delicate thing, by gathering it first. Unable to resist a chance to tease the embarrassed Harry, Louis took the stocking he demonstrated with and placed it over the thing that jutting out between them; Harry's erect penis. Harry blushed a deeper red and Louis howled into a pillow he pulled over his face to muffle his outburst at Harry's humiliation. 

Louis was still laughing into the pillow as Harry snatched the stocking off himself and determinly gathered it into a tight bunched ring as Louis demonstrated. He slid opened circle of material onto one of Louis' foot. Louis looked at Harry when Harry began to inch the stocking up. That was with the laughter silenced. 

Harry began to dress the first leg very, very slowly. Leading the way was his lips kissing a path from foot to calf then knee. 

Harry could see how this approach made Louis shiver. There was an immediate fattening of Louis' cock and he wigged with anticipation despite himself. As wicked as Louis had been with his mouth assaulting Harry's skin moments before, Harry intended to deliver it back in spades as he dressed Louis. 

He got the first stocking to just above the knee where he let the stocking remain, furrowed and loosely bunched. He gave Louis a simple warning of "Stay" when Louis shifted and Harry began to dress the second leg, same as the first. Louis swallowed hard. Sensing the determination in Harry's plan Louis tried to relax and suppressed a smirk. 

With both stockings taken to just over the knees, the excess still loosely bunched lying there, Harry shifted so he was lying between Louis' lower legs his head just at Louis knees which were bent, slightly raised. Harry slid each arm under the raised knees and put a hand on the outside of each of Louis' thighs. Then he tenderly kissed the inside of Louis' thighs as he appreciatively watched Harry. Louis wigged more despite his obvious intention to play aloof. And he was quiet. No laughing at his lover now. 

Harry began an alternating process of torment; he lightly placed a kiss on the left inside of a sculpted thigh. Then he did the same for the right. Kisses were strategically placed just beyond the loose gathering of the sheer stocking and on the sensitive inside of each lower thigh. They raised goosebumps on Louis' skin. 

Louis held his breath, tensed and stopped moving. Suppressed smirk faded. Staring at Harry who only glanced at him for a split second between each touch of his lips, Louis strained for this control of his breath. Stilled. Watching with anticipation. Louis tried desperately to moderate his signs of pleasure. 

Harry gripped the outside of Louis thighs more tightly and he took the top of one sheer stocking with his teeth and pulled it up a tiny bit before the drag of this one-sided pull forced him to let it go. Then he kissed the skin there. Louis gasped air then stilled himself again. Harry went to do the same again on the other side. 

Gripping Louis' thighs Harry could feel the conflict in Louis building. Breathe or not to breathe? An attempt to curtail a wiggle produced a shudder as Harry slid both hands along the outside of thighs to hook the snagged outer edge of each of the stockings with a thumb of each corresponding hand. Using his thumbs to assist sliding stockings along the outside of thighs and his mouth to alternately assist in turn on the on the inside, he took each stocking painfully slowly up each leg. 

Sliding silk over silken skin, tenderizing the path with tickling kisses and hot breath, Harry felt Louis' firm thighs quivering in his hands. Louis' cock had become reddened and hard. His eyes had given up watching Harry and he was staring straight up at the ceiling overhead. Maybe it was to play aloof, but his body defied him and Louis began making shallow pants. 

When Harry tongue touched Louis' hole having tenderly and slowly kissed his way up every inch of Louis' legs, having licked the underside of Louis' balls, having made some marks on the flesh of Louis' full, perfect bum, a series of explicatives poured from Louis' mouth. Without warning Harry sealed his lips on Louis' entrance reacting to Louis sassing him for his slow torture. 

Harry sucked at the rim and when he felt Louis might be pushed to breaking from the intensity of this he moved his hands from outer to inner thighs to force Louis to remain spread open, exposed for him. He pulled back from sucking the tender rim to licking over and around it soothingly. He could feel the tension in Louis' thighs where his hands gripped them making white marks under his fingers. Flicking the center of the hole with the tip of his tongue, Harry commented on Louis' need to relax. Louis erupted in response. 

"Fucking fuck me already Harry please!" Louis gasped. His hole was sensitized, but still tight, completely unprepared. Unfettered by this reality, Louis was beyond tolerating enduring more of this foreplay from Harry. Harry could see the urgency building. 

"Patience. Patience, little one" Harry said with a hush between licks and presses of his tongue working it slightly into the ring of muscle apposing him. 

Harry was confused by his own choice of pet names. He wondered if Louis still shuddered with words like "pretty" and "beautiful". Princess, a perfect description for how Louis looked in this obscene manner of dress, was definately out. So he decided to skip the pleasantries, state his plan plainly and without flowery language.

"I'm going to make you cum by eating you out. Like I did before. You can beg me to fuck you though. I like it when you beg for me."

Louis made a "grrrrumf"-like noise and grabbed the sheets of the bed under him. It seemed like frustration. Sass, Harry thought. Back talk that was muffled by the pleasure, but yes, sass. 

Harry thoroughly licked, with wet and hot breath lashing across Louis' entrance. He put a finger in his own mouth for a quick dose of lubrication and then shoved the digit into Louis without pleasantries.

Harry spoke to Louis who yerked with the penetration. He kept his voice low and slow, "I said I want you to beg me for it Louis, not sass me. You're so fucking hot in these silk thingies, you're curvy body is even more...more..." 

Harry didn't know what to say. He was twisting his finger in deep, exploring without tenderness, using his sexual frustration to fuel his efforts, fucking Louis unappogetcially with one probing finger. 

His mind was saying "Stay away from the words, those words," but his instinctual response was a want to state how "pretty", how obscenely "beautiful" Louis looked in the silk stockings. They ended upper mid-thigh of his golden, firm legs and cast a new view of the cut of Louis exquisite leg muscles. Like the year before Louis was shaved, the perfection of each part of him unhidden. It was this contrast perhaps; legs covered in sheer material, his body bare, exposed that made this inconceivably sexy. And it was all there for Harry to enjoy. Harry made a series of finger deep twisting thrust before he felt his target. 

"Haaaa...." Louis got out before he chocked it back as Harry brushed his sweet spot. Louis stopped his words in lieu of a moan that escaped him. 

The contact produced a bead of cum on the tip of Louis' cock. Harry brushed the sweet spot again. He licked the precious translucent drop, then as Louis was starting again to mutter a sound Harry sat up suddenly, yerking Louis over. Rough as it was quick Harry pushed Louis into a new position face down. 

Harry made a couple firm presses to settle Louis where he wanted Louis, face down, bottom exposed, legs widely parted. He slid down and gripped Louis' arse, a cheek in each hand. He squeezed them appreciating the fullness, the perfection in his hands, the perfect arch of the slope created by the curve from Louis' slim waist to the swell of his bum. Separating the cheeks he buried his face in this heaven. Thrusting his tongue into Louis' hole, he gave no thought to his ferocity. It was only his tongue; he wouldn't be gentle. He needed Louis to be his fantasy of untarnished and strong. His first, only, always. 

Louis' hole was still so very, very tight. The sudden roll-over had done nothing to prepare Louis for the fervor with which Harry proceeded to eat Louis out. Louis kept sliding forward a bit, almost like he was trying to move away. Maybe. Harry throught. Or maybe it was just it was the energy of Harry's determination. Louis' face was buried in the pillows and his sounds muted. 

Harry dismissed this fleeting feeling of guilt for this rough play. He continued to press his tongue as deep into Louis, as the deep as the little bit of opening from fingering allowed. Harry vowed not to stop until he made Louis cum like this, just from the work of his tongue. With his hands he pressed Louis' bum down, licked him, lapped his rim and drove his tongue in. Occasionally he had to pull Louis back into him. Louis was writhing. 

He realized his forcefulness meant Louis couldn't easily lift his bum, his cock was wedged beneath his pelvis. So Harry decided to channel his attention to be guided by sensations of his mouth about Louis' pleasure. Sure enough his tongue detected softening, Louis' walls yielding. He then felt the slightest quiver. Slowly quivering intensified on Harry's tongue alerting him so he unexpectedly snapped Louis up, flipping Louis back over to face up again. A glistening, fluid bead dripped off the head of Louis' cock confirmed that, indeed, his timing was perfect. 

Harry grabbed Louis' cock with one hand and closed his mouth around the head. He thrusted two fingers of his other hand into Louis putting pressure on Louis' prostrate adding the the fervor of the orgasm. Louis shot cum mirroring the intensity with which he was handled. Harry sucked the sweet pleasure of his lover. Sucked and swallowed and Louis gasped his name in broken, stammered syllables and a mix of explicatives.

It seemed the instant that Louis finished orgasming and softness descended upon him so did the need for sleep. Harry tucked Louis into the spoon he provided and pulled him tight pressing kisses on his perspiration soaked neck and hair. Louis murmured something. Harry had to ask him what he said. Them Louis said more clear although still muddled in slumber, "m so in love with you, you n'your pretty, perfect mouff." 

Louis was asleep. Harry breathed in the scent of him and tried to ignore his own burning need. 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Act two of silk stocking smut. Harry sucks cock. Continuation of Harry and Louis' night together after a year pretty much apart. Harry is finding his confident-self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> M'sorry, i do this "Out of sequence" shit, jumps in time, but yeah, Harry's mouth.

***

It was pizza, Harry thought. The word was "pizza". Sometime a few hours after Harry first dressed Louis in the silk stockings, a few hours after Harry brought Louis to orgasm, Louis pulled away from the big spoon of Harry, probably to escape the heat. Louis began talking in a half-sleep nonsensical sort of way. It sounded like he said something about pizza. Harry watched his sleeping form from behind and appreciated Louis' beauty. 

Although Harry couldn't see Louis face he enjoyed studying the curves accentuated by an s-shaped position Louis' body was lying in. He focused on the cut of light muscles below the scapula. He took in the way light breaths of slumber allowed him to detect a few ribs. He loved the way Louis' waist seemed tiny as it offset the fullness of that spectacular arse. And then there was the way the stockings accentuated Louis' thigh muscles and framed his bottom. Sin perfected. 

Everything about Louis looked as if he was designed for being fucked. Thin and curvy. Full and firm. 

Harry wanted to tempt Louis to wake, but he tried to think of something to force himself to allow Louis sleep. His mind kept thinking "Louislouislouis" despite his efforts to close his eyes and construct an arousing-free thought. His inevitable defeat to blocking remembering what Louis did to him earlier in the day resulted in a ragingly, hard erection in his hand. Harry realized it was hopeless, he was seduced. In his own semi-sleep state he began wanking his cock languidly, trying to recreate the sensation of Louis' touch from earlier. 

Harry was bringing himself to the edge when he had the feeling of being watched. He open his eyes and there was Louis peering down at him, the mischievous pixie-like Louis. Harry's memory of a 7-yr old Louis perched over him on the field, seconds after Harry, at age 5, was ruthlessly flattened on the pitch came back into the forefront of Harry's conscious in a flash. 

They, those kids, had been so cruel and unkind, but not Louis. 

That day, Harry's first in his new community, his first chance of making "so-called friends" at a community football match Harry wasn't accepted. Not by most. He was a horrible player. Many of the other boys teased him. They taunted Harry saying his curls looked like a little girl's. His lips too. They said he ran like a sissy. Why did he twirl around like that? It was "girly". Everything about him so girly in fact. Why did he have no skills several boys asked him. Never mind that Harry was on the younger side of this group of boys. Never mind that he was never interested in sports and his mum forced him to come so he'd make new friends in their new home town. Harry simply wasn't boy enough for these kids. So they teased and taunted. Eventually two of them deliberatly ran him over leaving him breathless on the grass. 

As this memory of the hurt replayed in Harry's mind his brain whited out, memory bleeding into reality, morphing away the 7 year-old Louis he remembered from the past. The child-Louis faded before Harry's eyes giving way to the reality of the 18 year-old Louis who was smiling with the exact same pixie-grin at Harry some twelve years later. Louis was watching Harry with anticipation. Harry's eyes focused on Louis' as he whispered the words, "Come for me. Come on my face, Harry, come on my face". 

***

Once the high had retreated Harry was lying with Louis tucked up against his body. Louis stretched an arm and a stocking clad-leg across Harry's body. The cum that had painted Louis face was washed away and they were just quietly cuddling together. Harry deep in thought. 

He'd never realized before when his training for bullying started. It was when he was five. Until this night Harry had never completely understood himself. The analogy Antonio made about boys in Africa made it real. Sure, he knew that in his last two years of school things changed a lot for him from how it started when he was the dorky new kid. These changes were gradual over the years and he'd never analyzed them before. 

It dawned on him that after his mum left them his father would occasionally say little things about "homos". This became more common as Harry aged but at some point Des might have suspected about Louis and stopped being too openly bigoted. When Harry confirmed Louis' orientation to Des it was possible Des kind of already guessed. Des was perhaps wrestling with the inconceivable notion that the gay step son was an athlete and his straight son was miserable in sports. This flew in the face of stereos types, but then stereotypes are usually flawed, so was the assumption that Harry was straight. It was all ironic. 

The significance of how everything unfolded filled Harry's mind like a fog rolling in as Louis slumbered contently in his arms and his hand strummed the lower thigh of Louis leg enjoying the way the sheer silk let his hand glide over Louis' defined muscles. Harry considered how he had become a better player after being ignored by everyone, teammates and coaches for years, solely because of Louis' faith and training with him. That ultimately led to Des develop pride in Harry that Harry never received before. All thanks to Louis, an awkward gay kid became a star althelte. 

The reality Harry had long denied was clear; every shift in how Harry was perceived socially was tied to Louis. First, Harry was bullied. After he and Louis were united in one house as brothers Louis, popular for his personality and altheletic standing, bought Harry some grace from insults. The other boys simply ignored Harry. 

Then Louis approached puberty. He became even more popular because he was a great player on the pitch and fuckingly adorable off it. Harry remained safe in the shadows because everyone loved Louis and Harry was accepted as his awkward little brother. It was also about then that Harry began getting a little better at soccer week by week because Louis worked with him at home where Harry was away from pressure and judgement. Harry improved quickly, his latent growth taking off. 

Harry's skills advanced markedly once he became Louis' only outlet for playing ball after Louis had to stay home with their sisters. Harry tried so much harder when Louis exclusively focused on helping him. He didn't admit it even to himself but he was in love, completely and hopelessly, with Louis, even as young as they both were. And, Harry knew he was jealous of Andy. He wanted Louis' attention. Undivided. 

The final shift in Harry and Louis' popularity, a concrete shift in standing, came because Harry saw his father with Louis. It was the catalyst making him fall into ugly patterns his father displayed. Harry became an advocate for flipping Louis' identity at school. Andy was gone. Louis was isolated. Harry became popular through sports, a star in his father's eyes. At the same time he sealed Louis' fate. 

Harry laid there thinking about how he betrayed his brother, the very same person who from the first day was sheltering him. Louis must have looked into Harry's eyes when they met and felt Harry's intense need. But Harry never realized how Louis was groomed from the beginning by fate to be the little lion; Louis was never sheltered. His biological father left his child at just two. Then at very young age, the father he knew died, Louis became the man of the house. Harry remembered so many nights as boys when they talked through the darkness at sleepovers together, secrets shared in their homemade, indoor tents of bed sheets, a flashlight illuminating their faces. Ideas were whispered of who they would be. From the beginning Louis wanted to be the protector, do good things. His first chance came way too young when Mark died. Not too long after Jay and Des married. Things were supposed to be easier for Louis. Childhood restored. But no. 

Harry felt a new determination over-come him. He rolled over putting Louis under him and began kissing the golden skin. He needed to make Louis feel as loved he deserved. Any place he could see a protrudence of bone from beneath flawless skin he'd kiss. The collar bones, a few ribs. A hip bone. And heading south Harry found himself facing once again sin perfected. Louis in those stockings. 

"Harry?" Was all Louis got out before Harry's mouth made Louis silent. First he kissed Louis lips then he slipped down taking Louis' cock between his lips and gave gentle encouragement with the suction in his mouth. "No...." Louis protested, "...fucking fuck me..." He gasped, silenced again at the feel of Harry's mouth. 

After a few minutes Louis whispered Harry's name again. Harry ignored him and sunk taking Louis deeper while some tears dripped off Harry's face. Reality biting his own heart; the way Louis loved him despite his frailty, his weakness of giving into hurt, his cruelty. Apparently all that mattered to Louis was what he sensed to be the truth in Harry's heart; a person Harry felt he was strong enough to become now. 

More tears that had formed in Harry's eyes were forced out by the pressure. Inside Harry there was so much of that... pressure. He funneled his disappointment in himself more on the sensations in his mouth feeling Louis harden for him. He tried to immitate the way Louis was so wickedly good to him hours ago when it was just them upstairs reacquainting and Gemma in the house below keeping watch. Harry had the flash of suspicion that Louis confided in her about the terrible events with Des and she was their sentry, keeping the guard for their intimacy. An ally. 

Louis was having a hard time giving in to the pleasure. He asked repeatedly for fucking. His requests were hushed. Part of the difficulty for Louis was the act of being quiet. The other part was the sensation of hot tears hitting his pelvis. Louis wanted to stop Harry and pull them together, kiss Harry's tears away. And he pleaded for Harry to fuck him, again and again. Harry determinely resisted Louis' attempts to bring their lips together. The struggle went to Harry. Louis yielded and vocalized his feelings in whispers until Harry's efforts, cock in perfect mouth, silenced Louis for a minute. 

Eventually Louis interrupted, a confession that was almost comical. "I never thought I was pretty enough because when I looked at you and your lips I thought how..." The thought about Harry's lips, the subject of Louis intended speech, lost to the effectiveness of Harry's mouth. 

But Harry popped off and let Louis gather his thoughts. Louis redirected his them, "All that to be wasted on a girl. All the girls were always falling for you when I started seeing my boyfriend..." 

Again Louis was cut off. Harry wasn't interested in hearing anything about how Louis believed that Harry was better-looking, or had a prettier mouth and no, definately no, he was not going to listen to anything about Louis with someone else. No Andy. Harry replied without words by deepening pressure of his tongue as he slid down Louis sheathed cock, his lips applying more suction. Harry was desperate to try what he'd learned from a Louis earlier. How to perfectly suck cock. 

And then in another attempt to direct conversation Louis said, "Zayn once said you came on to him. I thought he was being an arse. Zayn is so very gorgeous and it was like maybe he made that up, using your reputation the hottest guy he could think of...." This subject was mildly interesting to Harry but still Harry was more determined to feel the reaction slowly consuming his lover. He wanted Louis to feel the moment. 

As if it was by Harry's power to wish, Louis' hips began moving with Harry's whim. Louis was suddenly unable to keep a thought in his head "...okay, admit....ffuckHarry, your mouth feels so...just fuck me with that gorgeous cock of yours pleeeease!" Harry smiled as he pull off Louis again and pushed a finger deep into Louis. Louis gasped and Harry hummed as he sunk on Louis tasting the precum and feeling delight. 

A last gasp of sass slipped from Louis mouth,"Mma-ma- maybe if I didn't have to hear the girls saying how pretty your mouth is, so perfect..." Louis gasped. Harry popped off again just so he could have Louis see how perfect his lips actually did look as they were deep berry in color, wet from sucking Louis' cock. 

Louis futility tried to continue to speak. For Harry to focus the way he wanted to use his still so inexperience fingers he had to ask Louis to yield to him. In his core he felt the burn of want, desire to let his lips rest and fill Louis with his cock, but no, not yet. 

"Let me do this Louis, please. Let me make you feel the pleasure you deserve..." Harry stopped because his tears were flooding down his face. He had so much pain. 

Harry found himself following Louis' hands which guided him to come up and accept an embrace. Louis was whispering to Harry, softly repeating, "Nothing has changed how I feel about you Harry. Nothing ever will. I love you, that's all that matters." 

Harry started to protest, "but..." 

"Shhh." 

"But I..." 

"Shhhhh!" 

"You..." 

But Harry still had the upper position. He pulled back. He trust a long finger deep in Louis and he felt it. The sweet spot. Louis was shut down again. Mute. Harry sunk down to resume using his mouth to aid his finger. One became two. Then he added a third. Within seconds he was feeling the hot release on his tongue. 

"Hha-airrr-rreee!"


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying really hard to respond to some very meaningful comments on the last chapter by inserting this further description into the character's minds into the final smut-fest. 
> 
> It's hard to explain but this was intended as a smut laden, love concurs all story that justified some kinks (shoes, stockings). Then as written, some elements seem closely paralleling the more reality based H & L of "Out of Sequence". I'm still hoping to write an epilogue for that story and this is a for a specific request sooooo... I'm sorry if I am treating this too unrealistically. Hope the last of the smut ends it well. Please comment here or privately to Palosquared.tumblr.com

Harry never understood it wasn't his time. Louis had said that to him when they were younger, when the parties were on Louis' agenda, but they were not for Harry to be included. Yeah, Harry never understood, but he was about to. 

He laid on his side on the bed quietly studying Louis who was also lying on his side studying Harry back. 

He was so quiet. Louis was unusually quiet. Perhaps Louis was feeling a little wrecked, or at the very least much contented from two times coming for Harry. Perhaps. 

What was Louis thinking? He was looking at Harry in a different way. Maybe. 

Something in Louis seemed a little off to Harry. What was it? Hadn't he just made Louis come twice only using his tongue and a few fingers. Yet Louis looked...sad. 

Contemplative and becoming nervous with uncertainty Harry slid his face toward Louis' for a reassuring kiss. 

He was met with Louis' fingers placed across his lips blocking the kiss. Louis' other hand similarly arrested Harry's move with a light press against Harry's chest. 

"Louis what's wrong?" Harry asked feeling in his heart a sinking feeling. 

Louis shook his head "no" but then blurted out a reply, "You saw us, and it's in your head. You're not ready to...you aren't ready yet to forget it." 

Now this was not something Harry had ever considered. He'd been trying to show Louis how spectacularly desirable he was. He was focused on avoiding triggers tied to Louis' past; he was afraid to say what he thought Louis looked like in the stockings. That was too close to their father, the silk panties, the abuse. 

Harry was also afraid to say something about how pretty Louis was while they were together like this because he thought that was too close to Liam describing Louis as he sucked Liam off. 

But yeah, the image of father and step-son together, yep, that was in his head. It shocked him that Louis guessed it. Never had Harry thought he could be holding back, but then Harry realized, yes, yes he was. A fear was growing in him. 

Louis shifted so he was resting with an arm supporting himself a bit more upright. 

"Are you afraid if you fuck me you'll make the vision in your head too real? It explains so much Harry. You said you want me to beg for it, but tell me you can block the past out of your own head! Can you? Or maybe you can't? The things that happened, I need them to be forgotten." 

"I'm not anyone's princess, not so delicate or easily broken, but I'm sorry to say that I do have a weakness. I need you ...you make me strong, Harry." 

Harry was shaking with emotional overload, struggling to get his thoughts into something he could say. He was confused. Louis' theory was not exactly the problem and yet it was; it was in total so much, much more than that. 

Harry's first thought was to defend himself by explaining how he remembered things happened between them a year ago when they started becoming intimate so suddenly on the heels of the abuse. Louis was vacillating between a person holding his chill together and a person on the edge. Louis almost had clung to the need to be adorned. He considered the panties but opted for the shoes. 

Harry vividly remembered every word and touch, the kisses, the rimming. Harry wanted to pick up where they stopped, to give Louis the feeling of being cherished, treated like a celestial deity. He knew the stockings were a risk, a test. He just didn't realize it was a test of both of them. 

And as much as Harry wanted to pick up and simply carry on he discovered he'd set a trap in doing so. He found that as he made Louis to beg to be fucked the pleading cast spell that folded back upon himself. Louis' soft pleads were a siren call permeating his senses. It peeled back an ugly layer Harry had unknowingly hidden, a cost assigned to himself created by his betrayal, his jealousy, his failures as a brother, a friend. 

Harry looked at Louis. The color drained from Harry's face. The yin and yang of Harry's self destruction weighed upon him. 

Louis said "need" 

He said quite specifically that he needed Harry. 

He said that Harry made him strong. 

How? 

How could Louis feel that way? And how could Harry confess his own fears? This was a new discovery which rolled in like a fog descending upon him with it's mysteries. Admitting his deepest fears panicked him. It was too risky to admit the stockings unbridled urges which Louis created in him. That was the blackness that Harry was swimming in. The fear was simply that there was a monster in him. A piece of his father, the seed. His paradox was that he was afraid of hurting Louis and he wanted to make things right from the start. Yet a little part of him wanted to slap Louis, taunt him with dirty talk, it was so tempting. But he knew he needed to resist those desires because of his fear they would take him into an emotional abyss. 

Before Harry could think to say more he uttered a not very poetic "Um..." It came out of his mouth and Louis responded to his slow, verbal ineptness. 

Pulling away from Harry, looking like he wanted to flee and speaking with a hushed spat of words he said, "Losing what we had in our childhood wasn't the hardest part Harry. It's giving him all the rest of our lives that is hardest. Hate what you must, feelings inside you, or, or, me..." 

Louis glanced fleetingly at Harry before dropping his eyes, "Or me. Hate me, for not stopping him from doing this to us, but if you want me, don't give him our forever!" 

Harry grasped to pull Louis back as Louis was continuing to slip away. Harry at sixteen was growling rapidly. He had the size advantage. He bundled Louis in his arms which lead to a huge struggle on the bed. Wrapping Louis tightly and pinning him down Harry waited until Louis stopped his hushed but intensely determined chants of "Let me go, fucking let go of me!" Harry felt the tears begin flowing from his eyes with this fight like the seams to his soul had become porous. How was he ever going to stop this hurt? His and Louis'. 

He looked down at Louis and forgot it was a quiet house as he yelled. 

"Nononooo! I'm mean yes, but no! No! Yes, I saw you! Okay! I did and I think about it and I won't let you be hurt like that. I never said anything because I didn't know what to say. Alright? I know I'm should trust that you love me, be happy and beg for you to forgive me for being so stupid, but I have these fears. In my dreams I become him, to you I become him! The same blood that's in him is in me. When I see you looking like this...I...I, I am afraid I will hurt you." 

Harry slid an index finger inside the wide band at the top of one of the stockings to give it a tug to emphasize his how this manner of dress affected him. Louis looked beyond anything describable, just bizarrely seductive like this. 

"I understand how he wanted to dress you like...like a...to me, it's intoxicating. All I want is to fuck you, hard. Fuck you until you beg me to cum, needing me to stop...it maybe I, I can't...stop. You're so pretty. So beautiful." The last of his words came out softer, more quiet as if they were sounds coming from his heart in a exhaled breath of his lungs and not aided by his voice, "so pretty, so beautiful." 

Suddenly Harry realized his every word prior to the last few had been shouted. Louis responded with words still hushed in a near whisper, "Harry we get over this either alone or together, I'm not a china doll..." 

This is when they realized, their conversation aborted, that the entire house was awake now. Anne was at their locked door banging on it. They heard Gemma and realized she was outside the door too. Harry stopped his screaming, loosening his grip on Louis and realized he was panting. The emotion made them both breath-starved and red-faced. 

"You better get that." Louis said, his voice suddenly more quiet, like a switch had flipped. Not that anyone could be expected to be still sleeping anymore. They both realized their mistake. 

Harry went to the door and opened it a few inches. He kept his foot placed so that as his mum pushed the on door, clearly stricken with fear, she couldn't open it fully. Harry's first glance into the hall revealed that Gemma was already herding the other girls back, away from them, speaking quietly into Lottie's ear. The younger three were looking back continually trying to see what happened at the door. Gemma was telling Lottie to help get them all back to their rooms, saying that she and Anne would take care of the boys. 

Gemma was quick, smart, cunningly able to think up a lie when Fizzy was questioning why there was shouting. Gemma said as she was shooing the girls away, "It's okay! Louis just has these bad dreams. Harry unfortunately must have had to shout to try to wake him out of it." Then Gemma cast a glance back to them standing at the door herself wincing at the deception. 

With the door blocked, Anne worried and needing an explanation, Harry glanced fleetingly at Louis as he searched for the words. He realized that Antonio was right. Something was held back. True, Louis was so determined to push ahead without a past. On the surface Louis was all bad boy and tuff. Sassy. Spirited. The way he cast Andy off. The way he took the stockings from Harry. But underneath it all there was this soft person, a secret side of him, who needed Harry to be "strong" so his trust wouldn't be betrayed. This was Harry's time. Louis wasn't holding back. He was letting go of the pain, the bad, the abuse. It was Harry who needed the same faith. 

Reassuring his mum that they were indeed fine, using Gemma's cleverly suggested nightmare scenario as their cover, he closed the door. Harry moved to take a seat at the end of the bed. Cautiously weighing what to do next. 

Louis lingered where he was hidden while Anne had been at their door. Still wearing only a pair of silk stockings. Looking like sin defined. Obscenely beautiful. Perfect. 

Harry spread his arms opened wide hoping this gesture would bring Louis to him. Harry spoke a soft encouragement, "come here you." 

It was all Harry needed to say. Louis gave into to him immediately. He moved quickly to step between Harry's spread legs and Harry wrapped Louis in a gentle hold. Seated on the bed Harry kissed the softness of Louis' tummy which was level with his face. He was relieved when Louis wrapped his arms reciprocally around Harry, bent down a bit to his Harry's head and moved his hands to fill them with a hand full of curls. What was it about Harry that made this power overtake Louis when Harry was so flawed, Harry thought? Why didn't Louis run from him? Why had he never pulled away from Harry? Why did he need Harry? 

They stayed like this for a long time. Each breathing in the scent of each other. Harry kissed the skin available to his lips. Louis twisted locks of hair and played with curls. Harry quietly reflected wishing for some decades of wisdom beyond his years so he could resolve a philosophical question about himself, about time and events of the heart. Was his dark side going to overtake him? 

He remembered. Years ago, Louis going to a party, all the older boys would be there. Not invited, Harry was bitter and angry. It was his first taste of hormones, he wasn't balancing them. He felt such rejection. Louis said the same thing he said to Lottie, "You don't understand it's not your time for this." And Harry though about Louis unwavering determination to stay with Harry. 

Harry kissed Louis' belly and thought about their fate? His lips traveled to Louis' pelvis bone and he sucked a mark there. All the while Louis massaged Harry's head and let his fingers play at grasping gobs of Harry's curls. Harry's hands enjoyed roaming the obscene perfection of from lower back, across the dimples, across the full firm bum, caressing the edge of Louis cheeks and finishing each pass at the top edge of the stockings before he ran his hands back up to repeat this move. He heard Louis' breathing change from it's fast with beat caused by their conflict, to slow and relaxed and then finally quickened with slight arousal. 

Harry made a decision. He asked, "Louis have you ever felt for anyone else like you feel for me?" 

"No Harry, no. There's always just been you. You're what I want. You're all I need."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pretty much just more smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed brevity about 50,000 words ago so I'm going to end on chapter 28, I don't know why #28 is so appealing.

"No Harry, no. There's always just been you. You're what I want. You're all I need."

That one little light sparked a feeling of hope. Harry's introspection shifted. 

He would take back what they had, go back to what they started as. Harry looked up at Louis' face while moving his hands to rest them at the top of the silk stockings where his thumbs could play with this sensation of sin. It occurred to him when his hands were so placed that this added it's own entirely unique layer of insanity to Louis' words. 

Here was this ludicrous suggestion of a romantic happily ever after presented by a pixie clad in sheer silk stockings. The idiotic naivety of this suggestion coming from someone who was a likely to be a complete wreck but still believed in idiotically romantic things. It occurred to Harry that maybe this leap to fantasy was exactly what he needed to because he'd probably never get another chance. 

Maybe it was him, Harry, who was scarred, like Antonio said Louis postulated. As Harry reflected he looked at his index fingers and thumbs which he slid to play at the seam along the top of the stockings as they bit ever so slightly into the flesh of Louis firm, shapely thighs. 

He looked up and Louis smiled down at him with a wordless, hopeful, encouraging smile. That's when Harry decided that this was all that mattered to him. How Louis felt. How his skin felt to Harry's fingertips. How his lips felt on Harry's. How Louis tasted on his tongue. 

They were a mess. Sure. But love is messy, unpredictable, and for them, Harry was feeling their love was immeasurable. All that mattered was finally clear to Harry. 

His hands gripped Louis tightly, his nose pressed into Louis and he drunk in the scent, he asked a simple question. "Louis, wha...what do you want me to do Louis? What can I do?" 

"I want you to fuck me Harry, like I'm the only thing that matters, like losing childhood fantasies doesn't mean life won't get better for us. I want to wake up and feel you tomorrow every time I try to walk, I want you to make me..." 

Louis might have had a lot more to say but Harry pulled him down. Louis fell over the leg on the side which Harry pulled him landing arse up draped across Harry's leg. This was too easy for envisioning spanking. It was entirely too close to everything unappealingly daddy-kink for Harry. So Harry hesitated then grabbed the plump arse cheeks with his hands and fondled them. He squeezed them, parted them, gripped them hard. He resisted his urge to lash them with tiny little teasing slaps as felt Louis sigh a relaxed breath and try to reach around in an awkward attempt to grapple for Harry's cock. Louis was unable to so and whined so Harry moved to shift them both more fully onto the bed. 

He crawled over Louis, pulling him more onto the bed by threading one arm under Louis and lifting a bit, plopping him forward. Harry moved so he was on all fours positioned over Louis who made an undulation, perhaps to free his dick, but the move it was an image that stirred Harry's arousal. Harry reached for the lube he'd gotten out earlier. Louis saw this and settled, another sound, a more contented sigh, slipped from him. 

Harry listened to make certain the house of people seemd quietly settled then he began speaking close to Louis' ear, still positioned over him contemplating lubing his fingers of one hand. "You want me to fuck your perfect arse?" 

Harry's fingers spread Louis' cheeks and Louis immediately raised his bum a tiny bit again and whimpered a "um, hum" that came out with squeaky anticipation. 

Harry was compelled to begin by using his tongue to wet the perfect little hole, not the lube. Harry felt a fire from Louis spunky determination. He felt his cock burning with the anticipation. He needed to taste Louis before he pondered filling him with his heat. His hands squeezed bruisingly hard on Louis arse and he flicked his tongue on the pretty rim for a few seconds before inserting the tip of his tongue in to the shallow depth which the restored tightness of the hole fought against. As he felt the velvety walls on his tip of his tongue this sensation made his cock sear more intensely. 

He released his lover who was writhing immediately from his oral assault, lubed some fingers and trust one in deeply and unapologetically quick. His fingers had been inside Louis so only and hour or so before so they adeptly found the sweet spot despite the tightness. He brushed it and then began pumping as Louis pushed back and moaned. 

"We have a virgin-tight hole here again, babe, so tight, so..." Harry said, not thinking, than catching himself and stopping all actions and words. 

"What is it Harry? What are you thinking?" 

Louis shifted. He rolled over and put his hands on Harry's face cupping the lad's cheeks, strumming the cheeks with gentleness and adoration. Concern furrowed his brow. 

"Curly, babeee, we don't have to do this now. I want you inside me, filling me with that delicious cock of yours, but if you're still afraid we should wait." 

Harry shifted nervously. He bit his lower lip in that way that only Harry could which made his entire lower chin into a wrinkled mess. Then he spoke, "I just want to be able to tell you how, how, how pretty you are. It's too hard to never say you're beautiful. That you're perfect to me. With all your little things."

Harry fell silent and feared looking for Louis reply. Louis was staring at him. He felt the stare. 

"Why can't you then?"

Harry looked at Louis. There were tears starting to swell in Harry's eyes. Louis repeated, "why?"

"Because of, you know, them. They did that to you. I want you happy and whole. I don't want you to feel that pain. And tonight to me, you seem so strong. But, mmm Antonio, he says your hiding something. He said he was certain of it. He said you were just acting strong for me, but it's not real."

"No Harry that's not true. The hiding part, yes, maybe I'm hiding something. Not what you think, though. It's the just because of the girls, Phoebe and Daisy, they're so young. I don't want them to experience hate, backlash, homophobia. So I don't want the world judging us. But Harry, my love for you, it makes me fearless. When I watch you in a room of people like earlier it's like each breath you take makes my heart beat in the same rhythm as yours... I feel when I'm near you, the cadence of your heart, your breath."

Louis put a delicate hand of his on Harry's torso. He placed his other hand on the center of his chest and whispered to Harry, "It's like there is this flutter I feel when I look at you, gentle and comforting. It's so soft, like the beat of a moth's wings. It empowers me. Your not the monster Harry. You are a break in that line. Take your flight and come to me. Let me feel you, stronger than a flutter of moth wings." 

Louis barely finished his words before Harry was grasping him and filling Louis mouth with his impassioned, wordless reply. He kissed deep and feverishly. Louis responded in kind. 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #28, right? I know, I'm a dork who loves to stick in references to lyrics, interviews, tattoos and all that stuff. It's likely some of the remaining rubbish will pathetically pander to that foolishness. 
> 
> Be forewarned the epilogue at the end (after the smut) is events a year later. It's actually me trying to do fluff. And I think I should just not.
> 
> Thanks for reading, kudos, comments.

The silk stockings. They kept calling to Harry's hands as they continued feverish kissing. 

Harry's hands retreated to the silken elastic band when Louis bit onto Harry's lower lip. Harry pulled the elastic and releasied it with a snap to force Louis to let him go. 

Shortly later Harry resorted to repeating the same act of self-defense because Louis had nipped him again, this time biting the flesh right above a nipple. Louis seemed mischievously determined to push Harry into rough play. Harry knew this was the impulse behind his playfully aggressive approach. Harry would need to wreck him. Louis whispered it to Harry between their kisses, among the nips and bites, "Wwreck me Harry, fucking wreck me please."

Sin in perfection, Harry realized Louis needed what he was asking for, not the stockings. Unlike a year ago when Louis clung to the floral vans to make him feel pretty, the stockings were not a crutch or a link to a mistaken past. He needed Harry.

Harry whispered in Louis' ear for patience, saying that he needed to open Louis anew with his fingers befor sliding his cock in, but Louis was so eager to have Harry that he fussed against Harry and whimpered out demands. Harry persisted and was able to work a couple lubed fingers into Louis. Harry's attempts to secure Louis' comfort met more resistance so finally he made a few quick and forceful thrusts with his fingers. Louis writhed, hissed and met Harry's eyes with challenge; the expression said "is that all you've got?" 

This relentless feistiness was Louis from childhood, the one who made everything for Harry feel right with the world. Loved, safe. Before Harry could fade more into his sweet reminiscence Louis sassed Harry back to the present. He bit Harry, hard, and slapped Harry's arse before attempting a frustrated grab to feel Harry's erection and an unsuccessful attempt to push Harry off of him with the intentions of getting his mouth on Harry's cock. 

Harry knew exactly how that would go. He wouldn't last more than a few seconds of Louis sucking him off. So no, definitely no o blowjob. 

As Louis protested Harry tried to keep Louis held down with one hand while he gave his own cock a few heavy-handed pumps making Louis wiggle and undulate his hips with anticipation. It had been so very little time since Harry had used his tongue to explore every inch of Louis' body while he made Louis beg for this, to let the fucking begin. Instead Harry had made Louis cum with his mouth as he delved into the sweetness of Louis' arse. After he ate Louis out, Harry made Louis cum again as he sucked Louis' cock. Somehow though, as he was looking at Louis prone under him still begging for more, those experiences only made the impact of what was before him more intimidating; Louis' sweet tight walls on Harry's aching, cum-ready dick. 

Tired of the fight, he tossed Louis to be more centered on the bed and wrestled Louis into position for his taking; face down, bum up. But just like Harry feared, nothing prepared him for the feeling as he fought to slide the head of his dick into Louis through the barely relaxed muscles of the rim. He put out of his mind any awkward ideas about how pleasing that sensation was and the desire to repeat cresting the tight barrier again and again. Instead he took pleasure in enjoying as he carefully sunk his shaft in one slow continuous motion without pause. 

Louis' body took Harry's length hungrily and he moaned his contentment. Nevertheless Harry was caught by surprise when he feared he'd gone too deep and he stopped before he was fully buried, only to have Louis himself force his arse back onto Harry's shaft eliminating Harry's worry about bottoming out. 

Louis' laugh with the rush from his own impulse was mirth to Harry. Okay, Harry thought. So that's how this is going to be. 

Harry laughed in return at the feeling of freedom. Playful sex like this was so very freeing. He laughed at Louis. Such openness and fearlessness. Such boldness all dressed up in feminine stockings. Giggling over the stimulation he felt Harry grabbed the back of Louis' hair making Louis arch his back for him. Harry made a single hard trust into Louis. Hard, but just once. This was a game. 

Louis gasped out, "Fuck yes, like that Harry, fucking wreck me." 

Harry wasn't sure though. He wanted to cherish the sensation as inch by inch of his shaft slid deliciously slowly into Louis' body like at first. Futhermore the aggressive slamming tactic had made him feel an instantaneous urgency where his belly tightened with signs of impending orgasm all too immediately. Maybe it was because this was a desire, to be deep in Louis, that was all too long delayed. Before Harry could articulate that, Louis slammed back hard again on Harry as forceful as it was quick and then in a continuous move pressed his torso up away from the bed to come standing upright on his knees with his back pressed into Harry's. 

Harry was no longer on his knees pumping down into Louis because Louis was resting with his back up against Harry's chest. Perspiration sealed the skin of one to the other. Harry had to strain to avoid going over backwards as Louis wiggled his bum and his back nestling into Harry. Turning his head to one side, cooing his pleasure. Just like that they were two halves as one whole. 

Pressed together like this Louis was just able to thread an arm around behind himself and slide the back of his hands along Harry's sweaty backside. His demands changed to more pleas and came with requests for Harry's lips that he strained to reach. Harry found himself kissing Louis deeply, tongues whimsically playing with each other as he was seared into the smaller lad, his cock embedded deep in nirvana. 

So entrenched was Harry in their kiss that he didn't flinch when the back of Louis' hand which was rubbing Harry's lower back began its slow slide down his skin with a gentle caress. When the delicate hand reached Harry's cleft the first finger and thumb were easily able to follow a sweat-slicked path and run the length between Harry's arse cheeks. This startling surprise sent Harry filling Louis with his seed when the tip of Louis' finger ghosted over over Harry's hole as Louis dragged his hand back the way it came with purposeful intent to incite the orgasm; an orgasm drawn out with nothing more than a well-placed, perfectly timed touch. Just that. One tiny touch of one delicate finger tip. 

Later Harry would realize that in total he'd made only a few trusts on this, his first time fucking a boy. He'd realize that when Louis' hand tickled him there, like that, Harry felt himself uncontrollably spilling into Louis without any warning that the wave was coming. He'd also realize that while he filled Louis with his cum his hands were unconsciously compelled into pinching, twisting and pulling on Louis' nipples until the wave of pleasure with the orgasm ebbed. All his muscle strength seemed vanquished by the physical intensity of his orgasm and he collapsed forward pinning Louis under him with his fall. 

Harry slid off of Louis once his mind alerted him to his crushing position, but Louis was already giggling about his conquest over Harry, completely unfettered and pleased with himself. Harry, having cum in an explosion more powerful than he could have imagined humanly possible, was starting to speak when Louis landed a fan of fingers light as a butterfly across Harry's lips suggesting Harry not. Smirking with deep self-satisfaction Louis went down on Harry licking the cum residue from the red, angry looking cock. 

His cleansing kitten licks mixed with blown puffs of soothing breath cooled the flaming sensation Harry experienced. As one of Louis's hand assisted this loving tending the other continued to pet across Harry's lips like a comforting reminder to remain mute, rest. Take a break, Louis was saying with his gestures. Harry yielded to this but very soon Louis popped up having finished his tending care. Somehow Harry became keenly aware that he had not gone flaccid. Louis' mischievous eyes met Harry's and he said "voila" in a sing-song voice pointing to show Harry the object of his pride having rendered Harry appropriately, completey stiff again. 

Before Harry could utter his gratitude, or the surprise of the affect of Louis upon him, Louis went down once more, his tongue swirling around the shaft like he wanted again to memorize every vein and contour. Louis pressed Harry's knob against the back of his mouth like he was trying to gag himself, but Harry felt Louis' throat flex around his tool and Louis moaned the ecstasy of his preoccupation. 

Louis popped off suddenly having reached some conclusion with Harry's erection restored, hard, being held by Louis' small hand. Louis' redden-with-use lips formed a smile and he said with a harsh edge to his used throat, "good as new" before swooping up over Harry to come straddling him as if he'd gracefully mounted a horse thousand times before. 

Louis reached for a tissue to wipe some drips of cum that slipped from him and the lube as set himself on Harry's thighs clearly intending to prep for taking Harry in again. He tenderly applied lube on Harry's length like it was his prize. Louis was talking about beauty; how much he found Harry's dick to represent the male idea form, how pretty the color of Harry's lips were like Harry had always just finished "sucking on red cherries". 

The list went on and on as Louis slicked Harry's stiff member and rambled about Harry's physical perfection, everything from Harry's dick to his dimples. Harry's eyes. His hair. His bum. His legs. His hands. His collarbones. Watching Louis the idea that stole Harry's attention had nothing to do with the lube and whether it was needed. His thoughts focused on what he personally thought was beauty. 

To Harry, there he was, the perfect one, chatting happily as he toiled; slicking Harry's dick as he prepared them for another go at it. Louis. So flawless, smooth, lean and fit. His delicate features exuding his delight at Harry's erection. His thighs so sculpted. The fucking sheer fabric mimicked the slightest sheen of perspiration that coated his golden skin creating an illusion that he glowed from within. Louis' own uncircumcised cock was nearly fully erect and like Louis is was pixie perfect. The head was exposed and his dick wagged ever so slightly with Louis' movements as he lubed Harry's cock, giggled and talked. 

Louis' conversation was mostly one with himself and Harry drifted into his own thoughts about beautiful things but when Harry's focus restored on Louis he realized that Louis was speaking with filthy descriptive words about spending the prior year in a near constant dream about riding Harry's dick, about this act about to begin. Harry wanted to ask Louis to start his story over, having daydreamed himself into missing most of the arousing confession, but his need to have Louis again took over his desire for story time. 

Harry wanted to kiss the lips that sucked him back into stiff and ready. He had laid there long enough to regain his stamina so that he could try to make Louis cum a third time. This time he wanted to feel Louis shoot his cum onto his skin. Then he wanted to feel his seed ooze out of Louis. Feel it dripping between them, running onto him. If indeed Harry could pound out even a few strained drops of jizz from his lover, he wanted his nostrils to breath the scent of their love, their cum together on the air, a blended fragrance. 

The yearning possessed Harry and he felt his overwhelming need to have Louis. He knocked the well-drained lube from Louis' hands. He seized Louis with grasp of firm hands on each hip. His fingers bit into Louis' hips and he urged Louis to move forward on his pelvis.

Louis laughed and he cupped Harry's chin with one hand kissing Harry through his mumbled words, "My Curly ready to fuck me senseless, hum?"

As they kissed, Louis spoke between touches and one hand guided Harry's slicked knob to his hole. Harry slid his hands away from hips leaving marks certain to bruise and he fanned his large hands across Louis' bum coming to place fingertips in a frame around the stretched hole and his own cock which Louis' hand abandoned once he began to sink on Harry. Louis put two hands on Harry's chest and he stabilized himself as he closed his eyes and concentrated on the singular task of sliding down on Harry. 

"This is so much better..." Louis breathily exhaled, "better, better than words..." 

Maybe Louis was going to say more. Maybe. But he came down on Harry with so much of Harry's length deeply buried in his ass he seemed to forget where he was going with his words. He began his posting movements and was lost in it's teasing pleasure. 

Harry could only watch. He too was overwhelmed. It was the perfect stroke with each pulse; the heat, the tightness, the wet sounds of their bodies moving together in rhythm. There were so many sensations. Harry thought he might come again so very soon and as if Louis knew that was Harry's worry the moment it entered Harry's mind, Louis stopped his slow riding and hung there with his arse up, Harry's cock nearly fully exposed, so close to slipping free. The flash of cold on the majority of Harry's shaft shocked him into an alerted state of near panic that he might slip out of Louis. 

"No...don't stop...don't...must...must..." 

Harry became impatient. He didn't feel Louis tilting forward like to offer a comforting kiss. He didn't think that maybe Louis felt the same stirring in his core of imminent release. Harry just wanted to remain deep in Louis. He could not loose the contact, he feared it. 

Harry put his hands up on Louis' shoulders, thumbs gently covering the collarbones, but without gentleness or softness he used those hands to force Louis back down onto him. As he felt his desired to be buried again fullfilled he witnessed the way Louis arched his back and appeared to nearly black out from the force. Only the moaned, "Ahhh..." informed Harry that Louis' closed-eyed, head-lolling, weaken-posture, was a dramatic sign of successfully pounding Louis' prostrate with pleasure. 

Louis lashes fluttered. He regained a small amount of self-control and gripped Harry's breast with both hands nearly biting his barely there nails into the flesh as he opened his pleasure-darkened eyes and whispered, "Harry" in a breahless gasp. His head still drifted with movements as if it was evading his directions, but his hips at least seemed to obey his needs because he lifted up from the bottomed out position and undulated his pelvis with forward and back rhythms which took Harry's pleasure to a new place yet again. Louis was teasingly fucking with these motions changing the sensations into a completely different experience. 

Harry imagined he could feel precisely where on his shaft the muscles of Louis' rim held him. Louis was neither taking Harry deeper nor was he pulling off. The wavelike moves of Louis' hips were giving Harry's knob a teasing sensation. Harry felt like these fluid movements were creating micro-sized tingles or sparks of near orgasmic releases. Louis was chanting as he flexed his hips, blissed out, his words impossible to understand. Only the "Ha, haa, har.." sounds indicated he was occasionally trying to say "Harry". 

As they fucked like this, Harry moved his hands to grip Louis' strong thighs. Louis' expression was a trance-like bliss. He was shimmering with sweat. Fucking with a dancer's skill to rhythm. Harry began to feel tiny quivers in Louis' thighs on his fingertips. He realized that Louis too was getting little tingles of pleasure with each rock back and forward. So tiny, minute. It was almost cruel. Maybe Louis was waiting for Harry, that was Harry's thought, before he would let himself come. Maybe? His desire ragged so Harry gripped the top of Louis' shoulders and forced Louis down onto him once more. 

Louis arched back and immediately went nearly limp as he moaned. Harry's hands were possibly the only thing keeping Louis upright for a second or two. Once he had Louis stabilized Harry maintained Louis in place with a hand on the front of this torso grasping just below his neck, a few fingertips on the collarbones he'd marked some time earlier that night. Louis was paused with Harry's cock empaled deep inside him, the bottoming was another pound of many that night directly hitting his overworked prostrate. 

As Harry continued to stabilize Louis, admire the marks he made, on shoulders, on collarbones, the shimmer of muscular sweaty thighs, muscles so weary that Harry saw the tiny quivers increasing, signs of giving out, Harry hesitated. One move they would be both be coming of this Harry was certain. One move was all they had left in them. For a split second he wondered if they would fuse as one like in a fantasy. Deeply buried in Louis he felt like they were so hot, the two of them, like a human supernova. 

The heat, the flush stirring in Harry's belly, alerted him to make his next move quick. 

Harry reached up from behind Louis with a hand and grabbed the back of Louis' sweaty hair. He pulled. Louis exposed his neck with the tug and moaned. Harry studied the way the light played on Louis' glistening neck. 

In his reclined pose, taking them to the other side required the power come from him, Harry understood. Louis was wrecked. His head dropped froward the moment Harry released his hair. He mumbled an inaudible whisper. A drop of sweat went cascading down from his hairline captivating Harry's focus. Harry felt the synchronized sensation of sweat or precum oozing where his cock entered Louis, so moist so slick. 

Studying the beauty that was for him to enjoy as he relaxed momentarily Harry acted on his impulse created by that beauty which inspired him. He shifted his hands to Louis hips to support them as he made Louis lift a tiny bit. Then Harry thrusted himself upward deep into Louis' wet heat as soon as he felt Louis start to part from him a small bit. He raised his torso up and closed the gap between their chest as he buried himself deep in Louis again. With this forceful thrust pounding Louis' prostrate Louis bit back a yelp with moaned sound that finished with a whispered "-aarrry". Only the the repositioning, the wrapping of Harry's arms, the strength in Harry's hold kept Louis from collapse.

Harry couldn't restrain himself. He thrust up yet again, forcing a moan, a gasp of his name crossed Louis' lips reinforcing his success even though Harry was hardly able to get momentum by thrusting up from underneath Louis. Harry's strained muscles screamed to him but then the pain of the exertion was washed away as he felt himself singe in a warm wave of intoxicating pleasure. He felt his body numb then it was too much ... 

They were pressed together as their bodies allowed them to avoid collapse because Harry's arms had kept Louis' smaller body wrapped, pulled tight against his. Harry's first conscious sensation was that Louis' heart seemed rapidly beating in his little chest. Then he felt that Louis' lips which were pressed against his neck were nibbling on his skin giving tiny offerings of affection. This made Harry's chest expand with a feeling a being renewed. A first breath, like being reborn filled Harry. He was a new man, afraid no more and no longer a boy. 

He ran one hand into the back of Louis sweat-soaked hair to assist bringing Louis' head upright and when he looked at Louis' eyes it was like seeing them for the first time. The light blue was still darken by blown pupils and his eyes were a shade Harry had never seen outside of the rare stone of lapis. 

He pulled back a little to take a look at them with clarity. Harry needed to memorize this split section of perfect beauty in Louis' eyes that, like that of a fleeting rainbow was futile to chase because the effect would pass too soon before dynasty was reached. 

Louis took his glance down stealing away Harry's prize. 

"Harry! Look, Spider-Man!" Louis said with a laughing lilt in his voice. 

The tiny bit of jizz that Louis body was able to produce on his third time coming was viscous and stretched out in a web-like mess extending between their torsos. Indeed Spider-Man. 

Louis had retreated into the person he liked to pretend to be, one who would find humor in something to hide his true emotions. Harry's need for romance in their exchanged gaze was lost to Louis' need to joke about things. 

Epilogue 

In the days, weeks and months that followed Harry would learn that this is how it would be. Harry would spend every moment away from Louis writing cryptic love songs noone knows the meaning to because he was a hopeless romantic. He was the type of person who wore every festival or event bracelet from things he attended with Louis for weeks after until the they wore out and failed. The silly little things were "special"not him. Harry was type of person who collected momentos. Absolutely, incurably a romantic. 

Louis would be a contrast to Harry on the surface. Harden by the abuse Louis hid his feelings although he appeared happy, gregarious, loud and confident. Louis used humor, sass and bravado as his shield. He covered his underlying need to be one with Harry, to have Harry's love. 

As different as they were, both had this yearning that made the time apart challenging. They spoke on the phone everyday, sometimes for hours. When schedules permitted Louis and Gemma came to Donchaster for the weekend to be with family. It never seemed enough for Louis and Harry. By the time they had to part, both exhausted from spending their nights passing on sleep to fill the desire for each other's bodies, they would be utterly exhausted. 

This is how the women of the house, Anne, Gemma, Lottie, Fizzy, Phoebe and Daisy found the boys when they returned home from a shopping venture to buy things for a wedding the entire family was attending the following weekend in London. They discovered that Harry and Louis both still looked completely exhausted even though they had woken up later than everyone else and went to bed earlier. Gemma and Anne knew their look was "fucked out". Two nights together, a Friday and a Saturday, but never was there enough sex for Harry and Louis. 

Antonio was getting married. That was why Anne had taken the girls shopping. They had a fun shopping spree but when they came home they discovered the two boys wedged next to each other on the couch looking like the naps they were supposed to have taken while the house was quiet for them were either skipped or unsuccessful. Both looked more exhausted, remote controls in their hands, bodies pressed together as they "played" games. It was just a cover they created for the three youngest sisters. A cover that even Fizzy was beginnning to see as thin. 

Gemma smirked at them and remained quiet. Anne ignored the obvious. Lottie took the chance to pipe up with a comment that clarified she had reached the age that she felt she should express her opinion. She wanted to be an ally in the adult club and be honest about her support of their sexuality. She was careful though. There was still the younger girls to consider. 

Lottie was to be an insider to the charade. Above all else she wanted her family happy and whole. The loss of her mum and dad still weighed heavy on her and she had some inkling of what maybe had been happening when they were with Des. It mortified her. She needed a voice. In Harry and Louis she just felt there was a love that she wanted to shout out to the world to herald it's perfection. She needed to believe in the good. 

*** 

The day of Antonio's wedding had arrived and Harry had spent the entire week leading up to the day sending Louis sonnets about their love. Actually they weren't sonnets. They were really somewhat smutty pieces of his fantasies and experiences with Louis. 

It began with Louis' request. Louis had asked Harry to help him to write something to use in a toast at the reception because Louis was in Antonio's wedding party. Somehow instead of helping Louis with "romantic dribble", as Louis phrased it, Harry wrote verse after verse about the two of them which Harry had tried to transform for a general audience. Unsuccessfully. Most were not so much romantic as they were explicit. 

Each day Harry would send Louis a few lines by text. It would be something like how he felt about Louis' body like maybe what it felt like when it tightens on Harry's. Then Harry would send a text a few minutes after the original explicit limerick attempting to amend the context of the original to something benign, maybe about lips. Romantic dribble. For the wedding reception. 

The second verse that Harry's texted to Louis was about the quivers which Louis' body made and how they morphed under Harry's touch. Harry had a hard time rewriting that into something that didn't end up being about exhaustion from riding cock or muscles quivering as a precursor to orgasm. Harry decided with that verse that he had to just scrap the entire thing and start anew. 

The next attempt showed how much Harry tried to think girl-stuff. His impressions from his early days of his sexuality with girls was fading. If it was about passion, his brain said "Louislouislouis". Girl clothes? Tight skirts and panties ...okay no... Not finding himself coming up with wedding day inspiration stuff, but maybe, um, silk stockings? 

His original clothing themed verse which he shared with Louis was about tight silk stockings and then he thought about making it little black dress for creating a hetero thing. Because his brain went to mud when he tried to think of hetero sex he gave up all ambition to write feminine attire into the verse and went with "tight jeans" instead. Safe and unisex. It still made Harry hard as he wrote. He sent the text anyway hoping it had something useful for Louis. 

*** 

When they got to London the night before the wedding Gemma pulled Harry aside the moment they entered her and Louis' flat and warned him that his flirtatious texts to his lover were poorly timed. Louis was very stressed with things due in the design program and Gemma said she got the feeling the teasing was out of hand. She worried for Antonio's day. She was certain that Harry had inspired Louis to perhaps prank him back. Consequences could be dyer. Harry should be aware. "Decorum" Gemma said with a wag of a finger. 

The next day when the Anne, Gemma and the girls were all dressed they headed to the hotel that was the site of the ceremony. Louis said for Harry to get there early enough to change. He had designed the attire that Harry would wear as part of his school assignments so it would be ready and waiting for Harry. "Just bring shoes and socks? Black." Louis had said. 

Harry knew Louis had designed all the men's wear for Antonio's entire wedding party and not just Harry's suit. Antonio's look was a steel grey, very classically styled men's tux made just as Antonio's fiancé wanted. A few elements Louis added to Antonio's look gave it a modern twist, but all in all it was mature, classic. Perfect for Antonio. Harry arrived at the room of men, Antonio's men, prepping for his big day and immediately Harry felt ...the problem was Louis. Louis... 

The object of the game with the texts and the teasing was to make Louis not be able to see Harry on this weddng day without thinking about them. Their sex. Their love. Their marriage. Weddings are romantic. Harry wanted it clear to Louis that that would be them...someday. 

And Harry's idea of this game was that Louis would be challenged to be subdued because Harry would have him prearoused. Okay, so forget that Harry realized immediately. Harry may have been out matched for this game like Gemma warned. 

Louis had made the groomsmen's attire very distinct, individual and tasteful but no two looks were identical. Each was a tailored reflection of the individual man's stature, their age, their personality. They shared a single element that was in keeping with Antonio's silk wool fabric. The groomsmen each wore a suit made of fabric that had the same ever so subtle sheen which was very slight as to remain masculine. Nothing too satin-looking or shiny. But the fabric had a luster. It was like the glint effect in someone's eyes. 

Then there was the color. The groomsmen wore lapis. The color was true to the royal blues, hints of midnight blue and some grey that made up the colors in the rich looking stone. The sheen of the fabric made a perfect play of subtle luster. 

And so then there was Louis. In this shade of lapis blue. That was Harry's problem. 

A suit tailored perfectly by Louis' own hand for Louis' own body type. In keeping with the plan that each groomsman's suit was distinct, Louis' had a flare and a fit that perfectly accentuating everything dangerous about his tight, sexy body. His white shirt with mandarin collar was button to the very top, no tie, emphasizing an effect that was modern and unique but from Harry's view Louis could not be sexier if he was naked. 

Harry stepped into the room of this. These men. And Louis among them looking, well like this. Introductions were being made with Antonio bringing Harry into the fold of men welcoming him with warmth and sincere effection. He introduced Harry to his groomsmen as "Louis' Harry". So at least here, in London, among adults and among friends of Antonio's Louis was open and out. Harry felt much at ease. 

Harry tried to learn the men's names. Be polite. The groom's party needed to get down stairs to be ready for the ceremony. Harry was to dress there and join the invited guest. He felt giddy over the rush of being accepted by these new acquaintances. He wanted the ceremony to be fast and past so maybe he could, maybe, just discretely have a dance with his boyfriend if the music wasn't dreadful. 

Louis had smiled sweetly as the door closed leaving Harry to dress. He was clearly so proud of what he put toghether for Harry to wear. He told Harry where the four pieces were hanging and in the hurry to keep on schedule just gave Harry's hand a squeeze and said "I left you a note." 

Harry went to the closet in the large suite and found the suit. He new it was his. A slate black like Louis said. There was a note pinned on the lapel. In Louis hand writing it said "Harry's four piece". 

Harry removed the clothes from the closet. He'd never had anything made just for him. The textile felt exquisite. The fit he was certain would be as perfect on him as Louis' was on Louis. Louis knew Harry's body. He praised it constantly and memorized every inch. 

Harry laid the indivdual pieces on a bed and examined them. Trousers, suit jacket, scarf (with a stylish black and white print) and broad rimmed fedora (It was a mid day out door wedding.)...four pieces. 

Harry looked them over again. Four pieces. 

Harry spent several minutes looking for a shirt. Certainly there was a shirt. No. Not even an extra shirt of one of the other men there which he could wear. Anything seeming better than the ensemble without a shirt. No. Nothing. 

Finally Harry put the four articles of clothing on. Trousers, jacket, scarf and fedora. He looked in the mirro and he realized he looked like a rock star. His mum had let him grow his curls long and they hit just around his chin. With the fedora, the jacket cut to expose his chest...he looked like sex. Admittedly, he looked like the person who would write smutty little things. 

As Harry watched the seconds tick away and began to realize this was the look. Shirtless and, well, smolderingly sexy, he realized there was something in the pocket of the trousers. 

Harry reached in and found two things. There was a condom and a note. At first Harry laughed at the condom. A smart idea but for them it was always bareback. The note clarified everything. 

"Harry if you're going to be sex on legs and write smut like that might as well flaunt your identity with your clothes as well. You might be a little self-conscious at at a family affair so exposed. Remember two things. You are born to be a star. Also I going to be loving this access to your nipples - all four - which this look allows. " 

"P.S. Follow up to the latter...the condom is for our quicky after I bruise your nipples mid reception in some dark closet somewhere. Your nipples, so easy to reach... More than I can stand. And the condom is because I can't handle the dripping cum inside my trousers with nothing but my panties to absorb it. Now hurry your sexy arse!"


End file.
